My Real Memoir
They’re called wisdom teeth because they emerge when we reach adulthood (late teens to early 20s) and are now officially “wise.” Yeah, right. How many wise 18-year-olds do you know? How many wise any-year-olds do you know?
Here’s my theory: Things go wrong. And wisdom teeth, which nearly always go wrong, are called “wisdom teeth” because they remind us that some of our decisions, especially the ones we make we’re young, will eventually become “impacted” and need to be yanked out by the roots.
And it’s gonna hurt!
My first wisdom tooth showed up shortly after I started college. The dentist had shoulder-length hair and played acid rock while extracting errant teeth. But, damn, he was good. “That was easy!” I remarked. Dr. Extracto smiled, handed me a packet of painkillers, and said, “You probably won’t need these, but take ‘em anyway. They’re groovy.”
Fake out.
Wisdom tooth #2 showed up six years later. (What had it been doing all this time?) I was in grad school now and had free dental coverage. Cool, right? No, not cool. Because the free coverage amounted to being practiced on by a student dentist from Transylvania. “Oh, thees ees a bad one!” Dr. Igor chortled. And then, in order to break the tooth into manageable pieces, he pulled out a fiendish little jackhammer. Almost immediately, he slipped and put a hole in my cheek the size of Lake Michigan. “Oooops!” he said with a grotesque giggle. 2 ½ hours and fourteen Novocain injections later, he removed the last archeological fragment.
The pharmacist refused to give me morphine. For three days I begged my girlfriend to kill me.
#3 and #4 showed up when I was a married. The dentist recommended pulling both teeth out at the same time. “No, no, no!” I begged. “Well, it’ll cost a little more, but we can give you Twilight Sedation” (morphine?), said the dentist. “Yes, yes, yes!” I screamed. I offered both of my children as payment.
They put a diving mask on my face and said, “Count down from 100.” I began counting: “100, 99, 98, 97, 96…” Then I saw the dentist leaning in. “Nah, naht yeht, I not unner yeht,” I mumbled. “We’re done,” the doctor replied. An hour and a half had passed.
He’d removed the last of my wisdom teeth. Along with my brain. My wife followed me as I wandered through the pharmacy like a lost toddler. “He had his wisdom removed,” she explained to gawkers. And just as well.
Wisdom hurts.
My Real Memoir is a series. To read the next one, click here.
Ohh. So sorry to hear this.. 😂
My husband says he’s wiser than me because he still has all his wisdom teeth.😂
;>)
Shudder . . . (I am a horrible dental patient.)
I still have my wisdom teeth. I am very surprised I still have them. But I have a gold cap one of them which when I was drilled, I couldn’t keep my right leg still. It feltike an electric shock through me. Frightened me, the dentist and his assistant. And although wasn’t in any pain and he checked my gum to see if I could feel anything, which I couldn’t. I still couldn’t keep that leg still. I couldn’t wait to be out. I dread if ever they had to come out.
Time to embrace your superpower, Electrowoman!
😁
This is NOT well-timed. I’m having a tooth issue, which the dentist couldn’t put his finger on yesterday (but tried lots of tappings and pushings and an xray). So I confessed another one, which doesn’t hurt, and that crowning begins next week. So, my face still hurts and I’ve got an out-of-town book talk on Saturday! Several stories from two of my books are set in Perry, Iowa, so I’m looking forward to it! But this pain. . . . (I was wise enough to get rid of my wisdom teeth decades ago. They’re not the culprit.)
Oy, sorry to hear that, Joy. Prayer in progress.
So sorry to break the news to you, Mitch, but those dental operations didn’t work. You clearly still have LOTS of wisdom left. I know because you dispense it regularly here to your loyal audience.
Aww, thanks, Russell.
Agreed!!!
I had all four of mine removed at once. I remember being in that groggy state between waking up from sedation and still being sedated. I heard someone groaning in the next room and thought it was me! 🙂 The loss of wisdom really does hurt. Maggie
;>)
Oh my. I had problems with the two wisdom teeth I’ve had removed, but nothing like your experiences. Still, I don’t think you’ve lost your wisdom yet.
Thanks, Belinda.
Been there. I’ve had all of mine pulled at different times. three of them were not bad but one I ended up with a dry socket, and the tooth they took out, had been coming in sideways pushing against my other teeth. The dry socket, and the other teeth moving back in place, once the tension from the wisdom tooth was removed convinced me death might be welcomed! Who could think wisdom could be so painful?
Oh, I’m cringing reading this, Sheryl. So glad you survived.
Brings back memories to us all. I had all four pulled at the same time and the sockets all went ‘dry’ My brother in law helped fix the dryness. Great dentist. Dr. Wunder from Paynesville, Minnesota. Real name and place.
Sounds like he lived up to his name, Norm!
Ouch
Yikes, your mouth was probably so sore after the student dentist excavated that you had to eat via the new hole in your cheek. Maybe that’s why he created an extra orifice for you. 🙂
;>)
Sorry for your pain, but great story and the analogy about wisdom in late teens and early twenties, yep they don’t really come with any wisdom but leaving an impression upon us for life! 😁😬🦷🪥 Thanks for sharing your story!
My pleasure (now that it’s over), Charlotte!
Thanks for a good laugh Mitch. I am 72, and have only had one pulled. My hope is they pull the other 3 after death! Have a blessed afternoon brother.
Sounds like a good plan, Pete, and thanks, brother.
Mine showed up in the middle of college. What a time to lose wisdom! Fortunately, the dentist shot something into my IV that made me not care about anything, because when he informed me that he had to break 2 of the 4 in half to get them out, I told him to go for it. He also gave me a Walkman that I tuned to my favorite radio station so I could listen to music during the procedure. The pain killers afterward weren’t too bad either. Yeah, this was in the early 80’s.
That’s the way to do it, M2M.
Oh my–that’s a lot of suffering! But I agree with Rev. Russ above: you may have lost the teeth, but not the wisdom!
Bless you, Nancy.
I have had all mine removed but nothing as traumatic as your second wisdom tooth extraction experience. Although you shared moments that were not the best for you, the way you shared it gave me a good chuckle.
Thanks, Manu.
Dental work is not fun. Unfortunately, we all have to endure the pain and anxiety.
Loved this!
i haven’t commented in quite a while…
i Love the way you write!
Thanks for all you share, words/photos/all of it.
That was odd, I sent a comment and it registered as “anonymous”! That’s never happened before. Just want you to know, that was Me. Nothing to hide here…just for some reason, I didn’t get the place to put in my info. Keep doing your thing my friend; we love and appreciate you. matilda
>
WordPress has added some new bells and whistles that, like dogs, apparently only they can hear.
At any rate, thank you, dear Matilda.
Mitch, your post sure brought back the memories. My wisdom teeth were impacted and growing sideways. Had to have an oral surgeon remove them. I had 2 out with novocaine and then went to work and worked all day. Did the same with the second side. Probably not the best thing to do but I was tough (at least in my mind)!
You’re tougher than me, Hazel!
😊
Wisdom teeth are dumb.
;>)
I cringed and laughed. 🤣 Hope you’re feeling better.
Well, I’ve had a few decades to recover so, yes, I’m starting to feel better. ;>) Thanks, Gail.
Wisdom teeth, such fun! My wife had all four of her wisdom teeth. They were removed 25 or 30 years ago, all at once. Her cheeks swelled up like a chipmunk. Our dentist’s office at the time was near my grandparents’ house so she spent the rest of the day with my Nana, Papa, and Auntie eating ice cream.
I only had two wisdom teeth. (I’m also missing one of my regular adult teeth, so that’s apparently a thing with me.) They were removed under sedation maybe 15 years ago. One minute I was on the chair getting prepped and the next minute I woke up on a cot in a side room. Apparently I babbled away about nothing the whole way home as a side-effect of the anesthesia. I prefer that side effect to some of the others I’ve had with anesthesia.
Hey, babbling beats moaning any date, James!
I had my first 2 (one actually visible while the other hadn’t pushed through) in my early twenties. They gave me a general anesthetic. Great. The next 2 had to come out (same condition as the first 2) when I was in my thirties I think. But guess what! The dentist that took out the first ones had a patient die under anesthetic, so the law changed and dentists could no longer administer general anesthetics. The dentist I got that time was one of the partners of the first dental office. In 10 minutes it was all over and I had no idea it had happened even though I was completely awake. Wow! Fortunately I didn’t need pain killers for any of them.
Close call!
I could tell you some stories Mitch, I was a Dental field for 16 years.
Oh, I’ll bet you could, Cora.
LOL. When I came out of having my wisdom teeth removed, my mother and a lady from the office were helping me walk (stumble) across the parking lot. I am told that when the fresh air hit me, I screamed:
“LET – ME – RUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!”
They did not let me run, for they were much wiser than I.
God bless them. 🙂
;>)
Oh you poor thing! It’s bad enough having Wisdom teeth pulled, but to have to do it in three separate procedures is worse. And I have to say, having read your blog for lo these many years, that the doctor didn’t remove all your Wisdom. Far from it!
Aww, thanks, Ann.
Loved it Mitch! I can relate all too well. The wisdom teeth were a case of being out cold and awaking to “We’re all finished”. I can live with that. I had to have a molar pulled a few years ago. The dentist was a very short Vietnamese man who fortunately used an ample supply of morphine. However, I freaked a bit when he climbed on top of me to yank the difficult tooth out, all the while talking quite loudly in Vietnamese and a few English expletives…
;>)
My wisdom teeth were pulled when is I was 17 teen, because they were under my teeth!! This is 1977!!
Love <3 Always and Shalom, YSIC \o/
Kristui
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