The Parable of the Sailboat

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Most of my dreams are “mad-libs,” the organized part of my mind working to construct a narrative out of snippets: poodle, drone, bent fork, chimney, fireworks… “Jacque the poodle used a bent fork to fire up his personal drone, then soared out over the suburban chimneys, singing, “Baby, you’re a firework!”

But every now and then, I receive what can only be called “a message.”

I was at a transition point and had been praying for guidance. Like all humans, I want clear, complete answers. And I want them now!

Then, early one morning, as I slipped back beneath the surface of consciousness, I found myself on a sailboat at sea. I’d been travelling for days and had prayed repeatedly for direction. Finally, the clouds rolled back, a light beamed down, and a voice rumbled, “Hang a left.” There was something teasing in the tone, but I didn’t mind. It was direction! I’d finally received direction!

I turned the tiller and thrilled at my sense of purpose as the boat groaned portside and waves danced onto the deck.

I had a mission!

Before long, I spotted an island and thought, “God is sending me there!” As the island grew nearer, I saw people, beautiful islanders in graceful catamarans rowing out to meet me! “Hallo!” I shouted. “God is sending me to you! Hallo!” And then, just as I was close enough to make out their faces, the clouds parted again:

“Hang a right.” That was all the voice said. Just “hang a right.” No explanation.

I bitterly turned the tiller to starboard and sailed away from my purpose, away from my calling.

After hours of sulking, I yelled, “Why? Why did you change your mind, Lord?” This time, in lieu of a voice, I was yanked up into the sky. I looked down and saw a map marking my journey. Only now could I see what had actually occurred:

I’d been sailing toward a distant country when I’d come to the edge of a perilous reef, one that would have shredded my little boat—and me. And so the Voice had told me to turn left. As soon as I began to tack I found myself in line with an island that had nothing to do with my journey. And then, reaching the western edge of the reef, I’d been told to turn right and continue my journey.

At that moment, I woke up and whispered, “What was that?” A still, small voice replied, “You were never told to go to the island. You saw it and decided it was your mission. Yes, I have a purpose for you, but in your hunger for complete direction here and now, you make assumptions and threaten to swamp that purpose. You must learn to wait. Learn to listen. Learn to live by every word that proceeds from My mouth, and not your assumptions about those words.” (Matthew 4:4)

Note to self: Mad-libs are OK in dreams.

But not in life.

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Two Divine Elements

Did you study the Table of Chemical Elements in high school?  Here are the keys to Human Chemistry. Learn them and heal the world!

Mitch Teemley

ünityN1

“They were together in one accord,

continually devoting themselves to prayer.”

~Acts 1:14

N2

“Then He said to them, ‘Go into all the world

and share the Good News with everyone.'”

~Mark 16:15

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Posted in Culture, For Pastors and Teachers, Quips and Quotes, Religion/Faith | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

This Changes Everything!

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Surprisingly, this has nothing to do with the Trump administration. It’s from that bastion of journalistic integrity The Weekly World News. Check and see if your boss or ex-boyfriend is still around on Monday.

Other actual newspaper headlines from the Think-Before-You-Print department:

  • “New Autos to Hit Five Million”
  • “Tuna Biting Off Washington Coast”
  • “Child’s Stool Great for Use in Garden” (Eww, just, eww)
  • “Lawyers to Offer Poor Free Advice” (Only the “free” part is new)
  • “Thugs Eat, Then Rob Proprietor” (Not that he cared at that point)

Two favorite snippets from an old Wall Street Journal:

  • The Food and Drug Administration considered declaring mother’s milk unsafe. Seriously. The problem was, they couldn’t figure out where to put the label.
  • The IRS office in Jackson, Mississippi, got a call from a woman inquiring, “Are birth control pills deductible?” The helpful agent replied, “Only when they don’t work.”

Ah, humans. Have a great weekend, but watch out for those new autos and tuna fish!

Posted in For Pastors and Teachers, Humor, Mitchellaneous, Popular Culture & Entertainment, Quips and Quotes | Tagged , , , , | 13 Comments

Much Ado About Something

southampton-and-cat-1603I repent! In my subtle (or not so subtle) narcissism, I have rarely featured the writings of other worthy bloggers (note how the phrase “other worthy…” cleverly places me in their ranks). What better time to correct this heinous oversight than the present!

And what better person to start with than the mysteriously pseudonymed “Toutparmoi,” a deviously delightful writer dwelling in the mysterious (and some would say mythical) isles of New Zealand. A few years back, while researching William Shakespeare’s secret benefactor the 3rd Earl of Southhampton, Ms. Parmoi happened upon an astonishing thing: The complete diaries of “Gib,” the Earl of Southampton’s cat!

Yes, for the first time  in human history, we are being treated to the authentic writings of a literary cat! Oh, to be sure, there was that T. S. Eliot fellow’s fluff about Growltiger and Great Rumpuscat, etc. But this…this is real, I tell you–real!

More to the point, it’s relentlessly witty, historically fascinating, and surprisingly informative. So what are you waiting for? Go there now! To read Gib’s first diary entry click below:

The Earl of Southampton’s Cat

jeune chat mau égyptien de face - portrait - yeux verts

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Beyond Valentine’s Day

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Soulmate (noun):

Someone you’re “made for” and don’t have to work at loving.

Someone you choose to continue loving every day.

Love is a choice we keep on making.free-vector-heart-draw_133064_heart_draw

Posted in Culture, For Pastors and Teachers, Humor, Quips and Quotes | Tagged , , , , , | 19 Comments

The Wishing Map 52

Have you ever been given a task, and not realized until later that it would change your life forever?

Mitch Teemley

Wishing pix-Title-(framed)

Note: To read The Wishing Mapfrom the beginning, click here.

The Wishing Map

Chapter Twelve: Prophecies and Promises (Continued)

Previously: Gina and Zack began to realize that the immense bird Aviar considered their arrival in Ismara the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy!

⇔ ⇔ ⇔

“Do you have the Thirteen Objects?” Aviar asked, his great basketball-sized eye probing for signs of deflection.

“We’re not really sure,” Zack replied.

“You are the Two Strangers, so you must have the Objects!”

“Hello? What are the Thirteen Objects?” Gina asked.

“Well, there’s this prophecy. Aviar thinks it’s about us, and—”

“Prophecies,” Aviar corrected, “and it is about you! Errrrm-hermmm-herrrmm… In the Time of an End and a New Beginning, during the double moon,” he paraphrased, “Two Strangers from Another World will return the Thirteen Objects to Ismara, and when the Objects are brought together they will show who the True Ruler is…errrr-herrrmmm…which…

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My Other Allegory

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It’s no vast wonder we should think

in metaphors

when life is just a parallel

to something more

Which lacking a more perfect word

we christen Life

and strain our undeveloped wings

in fervent strife

 

But ‘til the day that Life arrives

alive, complete

You’ll be my other allegory

all replete

with hopes that are enwrapped in mine

and thinking of

your face I’ll know that I have glimpsed

that thing called Love

⇔ ⇔

For Trudy

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