Mitch and Dangerous-but-cute Cheryl

My Real Memoir

The Year I Turned Shy: Me? Shy? Hard to believe, I know, but up until Kindergarten I’d never had any friends my age. And when I finally did meet some, they seemed weirdly “normal.” I didn’t know how to be with them. Weird Eddie had been twice my age and utterly unique. And Crazy Old Alice had been, well, crazy and old.

One exception, Cheryl, the two-year-old from next door, was too young. She’d follow me around and do whatever I did. Which was flattering, but dangerous (I still have the scar to prove it). Although, when Cheryl friended me on Facebook half-a-century later, she seemed to have matured considerably. She’s now my official longest-standing friendship, and that’s unlikely to change unless the world’s oldest living obstetrician decides to look me up.

First Grade

Chucko the Birthday Clown, a local TV celeb, was the star of our school’s fall kick-off event. I’d watched him on TV and desperately wanted to meet him. But when he invited all of the kids to come and sit down front, I was the only one who didn’t go. True, I wanted to be near Chucko, but in the midst of all of those normal kids? Never!

So I decided the best way to interact with other kids that year was…not to. Except the untouchables. A few weeks into the school year, my new teacher Miss Peggy told my parents that during recess I’d stand between the outcasts (the Weird Eddies) and the bullies. And as a result, I’d get punched and shoved in their place. Miss Peggy radiated kindness like a thousand watt bulb. Plus, she had a dog named Frieda, and my babysitter Frieda had a dog named Peggy, which was, as far as I was concerned, a bonafide miracle.

Things Came to a Head…

…when another first-grader had a birthday party and invited everyone in our class. Thinking this could be a turning point, Mommandad pushed me into going. I still remember being deposited in that strange house’s entryway, surrounded by normal kids in party hats. I wouldn’t go any further, even when the kid’s mom offered me cake and ice cream. Instead, I pulled the front door across the corner and hid there until my parents agreed to come and take me home.

A short time later, Miss Peggy called, concerned that I wasn’t learning how to read. I’d stumble over even the simplest words in our Dick and Jane books. Mom laughed. “Are you kidding? He’s been reading since he was a toddler!” She called me to the phone and had me read the current headline story from our newspaper. Suddenly, that thousand-watt-bulb over Miss Peggy’s head grew even brighter. The following week, she launched…

The After-School Reading Circle

And that little circle became my second taste of heaven on earth (after Frieda’s Magical Garden). With just a handful of other kids around me, I not only read fearlessly, but was soon helping Miss Peggy, the love of my life, coach the others!

Later that month, I met my first BFF, or the training wheels version, anyway. His name was Stevie. Stevie was not only normal, he was nice and popular, and had freckles and rusty red hair, just like Dick…

In the Dick and Jane books!