I Created the World’s Greatest Thrill Ride!

Left: Beautiful thrills      –     Right: The Field, our own personal theme park

My Real Memoir: I Created the World’s Greatest Thrill Ride

I don’t mean to brag (yes, I do), but at age ten I created the greatest thrill ride the world has ever seen! And that’s no small claim coming from a guy who lived just minutes away from the original theme park, Knott’s Berry Farm, and a flashy wannabe built by some guy named Walt Disney (OK, I admit it, I loved them both).

Sometime during the previous year, they (you know, They) decided to build our little suburb’s first high school, the very one I would eventually attend. The problem was that La Mirada High School was slated to sit atop a hill in the middle of The Field, i.e., our Field!

Wait, what? They were about to civilize that vast, uncivilized wilderness that belonged exclusively to my friends and me; the one in which we’d hunted trapdoor spiders, built legendary treehouses, and waged the infamous “Shingle Wars“; the one wherein lay the secret entrance to the fabled Tunnel of Doom!

The Field…

…was our own personal theme park. And now They were going to dig a canyon through our hill in our theme park in order to extend Adelfa Drive to yet another school. “Adelfa” is the Spanish name for the poisonous oleander plant — this road was going to poison our private pristine playground!

Or would it? The moment They bulldozed that massive gouge through Our Hill something magical happened. The steep cliff-like slopes on either side screamed, “Use us!”

But how?

My Mind Began to Perk

Mommandad had recently purchased a washing machine. Which was boring. But it had arrived in The Biggest Cardboard Box Ever Made! Which Rory, Jeff, and I had already employed as a space capsule in our Secret Command Center (my garage). But now, thinking about those 100-foot-tall slopes (give or take a few feet), I began to wonder if…

Aha! I knew just what to do. With the help of R&J, I was able to devise a method by which two fearless astronauts lying side by side between thick layers of flattened cardboard would execute a countdown ending in the most exciting words ever uttered by humankind, “Blast off!” At which point several other kids would help push the Super Rocket-Sled over the edge!

To Our Astonishment…

…not only did the 10,000-mph ride not kill us; the onrushing shower of asteroids (pebbles) bounced harmlessly over the space-age cardboard surface until we glided to a stop on the unpaved road below.

Within minutes of our maiden voyage, every kid in the La Miradaverse came running. So, we established a rule: each would-be astronaut had to earn their ride first by serving as a sled-pusher. It truly was the most spectacular attraction The Field – heck, the world – had ever seen!

But then, They paved Adelfa Drive. Once the asphalt dried and cars began using the road, our attraction was forced to close down. Still, while it lasted (eat your heart out, Mr. Knott and Uncle Walt), our Super Rocket-Sled was…

The World’s Greatest Thrill Ride!

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The Upside-Down Logic of Dreams

The Upside-Down Logic of DreamsIs Life a Dream?

Thought for the Week: The Upside-Down Logic of Dreams

There’s a sort of “dream logic” by which most people live their lives, as though what they can see is all there is. But what we perceive, science tells us, is only a construct, an interpretation of what actually is. Still, we go on, living in Plato’s Cave, mistaking shadows for reality and living for those shadows. I had a dream that left me wondering, Is my waking life any more real than my dreams? Unable to express so insensible a thought in sensible language, I express it here in free verse:

I dreamed I’d flown to London.

I was about to call my wife to tell her,

“Honey, we’ve landed safely,”

when the alarm went off.

My first thought was,

I’ll leave her a message,

but there was no time before I awoke.

So I said as I opened my eyes

there in bed beside my wife,

“Darling, I’m in London.”

The upside-down logic of dreams

makes preposterous sense to us

because we live in a middling place, you and I,

in the land of Neverwas,

between Death and Life,

between dreaming and waking,

as though Neverwas was Evermore.

We plan our present while we drop,

ignoring the ocean in which we’re about to plop.

Neverwas is crowded and cruel,

but speckled with motes of Beauty.

So we resolutely acknowledge those specs

as all the good there is,

then fight to own them

and control them

even as they vanish.

For the motes are merely flecks

of a limitless Beauty

that belongs to Someone else.

Soon now

we’ll splash down into that infinite ocean

and find ourselves on the shores of Evermore.

And if we’ve lived only

by the upside-down logic of dreams,

we won’t know how to walk inland

to the right-side-up reality of Evermore,

nor will we even want to.

Our hearts will stay bound to Neverwas.

And all that will remain of us

will be the sense of Death,

the thing upon which we fed.

And it will be too late to learn

the sense of Life.

∞

Posted in For Pastors and Teachers, Inspiration and Motivation, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

The Greatest Artist of All Time

The greatest artist of all time“Moss”

The Greatest Artist of All Time

He’s had the longest career of any artist in history, and at a considerably advanced age is still crafting new works. He creates works in every medium — sculpture, engraving, painting, even performance art — and the scale of his work runs from the subatomic to the cosmic. Some of his works last for microseconds, others for eons. Have you guessed who he is?

Here are some examples (click on images for description & slideshow):

His performance art has also been on display throughout history. This piece, “The Sea of Galilee,” is notable in that the Artist made multiple personal appearances there, sailing, fishing, and even walking upon it.

God's art - Moonrise over Dead Sea

“He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, yet the world did not recognize him… But to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” ~John 1:10, 12

Does that include you? If so, you are one of God’s…

Personally signed masterpieces.

∴

Posted in Art, For Pastors and Teachers, Inspiration and Motivation, Photography, Quips and Quotes, Religion and Faith | Tagged , , , , , , | 35 Comments

Best Family Comedy Movie Night Ever!

The best family comedy movie night ever!“Now I know how Fay Wray felt!” ~Notzilla

Best Family Comedy Movie Night Ever!

“One of the funniest movies ever made! I showed this to my movie club and they loved it! Technically a horror-comedy, the “horror” is so tame and silly that it wouldn’t scare a small child. The humor is clever and works on many levels. It’s a great choice if you’re asked to bring a movie to a friend’s house – or for date night!” (Amazon Prime reviews)

What? You’ve never seen Notzilla, the “cult classic comedy” (MovieWeb) that I wrote and directed? Or you’ve only seen it once? Inconceivable! Halloweekend is the perfect time to watch the least-scary (but possibly funniest) monster movie ever made! And if you haven’t read the graphic novel Notzilla, ask for it at your favorite comic book store, or order it here!

To watch the movie, click here!*

*Note: The above link is to Amazon Prime, but Notzilla is available on other streaming platforms, as well, and in most countries worldwide.

Click on any image below to enlarge it, or to begin slide show.

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Song of My Family

The Teemleys, circa 1800s, Westfield, New York

Song of My Family

Five years ago this month, my wife and I travelled to the town of Westfield, New York, on the edge of Lake Erie, the heart of the America’s oldest wine-producing region. Here, I’d expected to learn more about my ancestors. Instead, after seeing the village where they lived, hoped, and dreamed, my understanding changed. These weren’t my “ancestors.” They were, are, my family. Real people whose dreams created the roots from which my dreams have grown.

Here, with its climate nearly identical to their birthplace in Baden-Württemberg, Germany’s principal wine-growing region, my great-great grandparents Conrad Dimler and Eva Hoffmann, came to farm and grow grapes.

Like Eva, Conrad had been born out-of-wedlock. Consequently, each had their mother’s rather than their birth-father’s names. Their mothers were peasants, possibly gypsies; the name Dimler means “tumbler or traveling entertainer,” and was often used to describe a “noisy, unruly,” undesirable person.

They were rootless, homeless.

Until they planted roots in Westfield. They soon changed their surname to “Teemley,” perhaps because that was what their pronunciation of Dimler sounded like to American ears. Or perhaps to distance themselves from their background. Like vine-cuttings used to create a new vineyard, they created a new identity.

Here, with the help of their many children, the Teemleys built a home on a tree-lined path called Parker Lane. Most of the children eventually married and moved away. Only Maria, named for her grandmother in Germany, remained unmarried (she died at 17 and was buried beside her parents).

Conrad’s beloved Eva passed away in 1888, and soon his grip on reality began to slip. Ironically, it was the youngest child, Albert-the-dreamer, never much of a farmer, who became the head of the household. The problem was he’d gotten his girl Amy, the daughter of Westfield’s esteemed Dr. Bowen, pregnant. So, just four months after his mother’s death they quietly married and took over the house on Parker Lane. Five months later, their first child, my grandfather Warren, was born. And two years after that, Conrad passed away.

Suddenly, the two dreamers, my great-grandparents Albert and Amy Amanda — a poet, writer, and artist who’d considered a life on the stage — were parents and homeowners. Amy eventually became a journalist, writing a long-running social column for the Westfield Republican.

And Albert? Around this time, a teetotaling Methodist name Thomas Welch figured out how to make “unfermented wine,” and began hiring nearly everyone in Westfield to either grow or process concord grapes. It’s likely the Teemley farm became a provider for the Welch’s juice company that now dominated the town.

Most of Albert and Amy’s kids grew up and moved away. Only two are buried beside their parents: Marshall, who died as a baby; and Myron, who suffered, I suspect, from “shell shock” (PTSD) incurred as a teenage doughboy on the fields in France; he shot himself, leaving a newlywed widow and one-year-old child behind. Amy died too young, after which Albert lived on alone in town. He passed away just five years before I was born.

The farmhouse on Parker Lane is now a stone foundation in a field. But Teemley cuttings cropped up in new places.

My grandfather Warren married a petite English girl name Arline, and relocated with several brothers to another wine-growing region in Watkins Glen at the foot of beautiful Seneca Lake. But after his kid brother Myron’s death, Warren packed up his little family and started over in California.

A short time later, their youngest, William (“Wee Willy”) Teemley, my father was born. A dreamer if there ever was one. Tumblers. Travelers. Cuttings. Dreamers.

Teemleys.

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Why I Loved Being Scared as a Kid

Left: Kids watching a scary movie  Right: Disney’s Fantasia

My Real Memoir: Why I Loved Being Scared as a Kid

Actually, I loved having been scared. Why? My theory is that a good jump-in-your-face moment is the visual equivalent of a hot pepper. Culinary experts say we love spicy foods due to a secondary effect: when capsicum, the active ingredient in chili peppers, triggers pain, our brains respond with a rush of feel-good endorphins. Result?

Spice is nice!

Scariness works the same way. After the initial sensation of fear, our brains follow up with a rush of relief that we’re OK now, that the threat has passed or, better yet, wasn’t even real to begin with. And hello, feel-good endorphins. Result?

Scary is fun!

Nowadays, I’m an all-grown-upper, so only politicians scare me. But when I was ten, menacing movies and bloodcurdling books gave me the best thrilly-willies ever. And so, when I wrote my first short story, it was a really scary one! (You have been warned.) It was also a blatant rip-off of “Night on Bald Mountain” from the Disney movie Fantasia.

Why?

Because when you’re learning to write, that’s what you do—steal. And because “Night on Bald Mountain,” set to Mussorgsky’s creeptastic music, scared the bejeebers out of me. And I loved it! Here then, is my terrifying—and terrifyingly misspelled—first short story:

“Evil Mountain”

Under Cherry mountain lies a small little town named Baster Ville  every were it is quit exept at night! The dark night is honted by screems and horible sounds  if a person were very carliss he might indup a spirit himself! Soon Cherry mountain will no longer be itself but an unhumanley black figure against the dark sky  it is the most important thing about the town.

For if it wernt for Cherry mountain or shall I say Evil mountain people would all be dead! A sharp cutting noise comes from the old black smithes shop. He is now just a spirit or shall I say a ghost ha ha, ha, ha, ha!

Under the willow tree the horse troff is now boiling with little destructive devilles and out comes a skeleton on a horse caring a skull better nown as a head! On the ground there are little heads all over just waiting to be plucked so they can here the bloody screems of a person. The mill is broken by one sharp blow of of the creater on the mountains wing.

Now it is dawn and the oak tree has stopped burning, the troff water is cool again, and the spirits have gone back to there graves.

Well, there you have it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I hope you can sleep tonight and don’t turn into “a spirit, or shall I say a ghost ha ha, ha, ha, ha!”

Posted in Entertainment and Popular Culture, Fiction, Humor, Memoir, Movies, Storytelling | Tagged , , , , , , | 37 Comments

Redeeming Halloween

Redeeming HalloweenDeath is a Doorway

Thought for the Week: Redeeming Halloween

Few people realize that the ancient church’s All Hallows Eve (“Hallow-e’en”) and All Saints Day were intentionally focused on both harvest and death. Not in mindless emulation of pagan traditions, but for healthy, meaningful reasons.

Harvest festivals celebrated the ingathering of fruits and grains. And yet, at the same time, all around the town were the now-dead crops that produced them. Sad? No. Because this meant they’d accomplished their purpose. They’d borne their fruits, and were now at rest in the earth. It was a healthy perspective, one of death as fulfillment, not fear. Death as a time of rest and the promise of a coming resurrection in the spring.

People also completed their work, died, and rested in the earth. All Hallows Eve was a reminder that they, too, would be resurrected. Therefore, on All Saints Day, those who’d accomplished their purpose in life were honored. And for those whose souls were less secure, the predecessor to trick-or-treating emerged:

On All Hallows Eve, the poor, especially children, would knock on doors, offering to pray for the souls of the family’s dead, and would be rewarded with sweet, fruit-filled little “soul cakes.” One spiritual-minded baker even put holes in her soul cakes, making them into circles representing eternity (and in the process inventing doughnuts!).

So let us refuse to surrender Halloween to that dark, unhealthy fear of death as something evil, something to be feared. Let us acknowledge death as a grace, as a rest, a passage. For without death, there is no completion of this life’s purpose, no resurrection to the life to come. But for those whose souls are truly at rest, death is not an end…

It’s a doorway.

Posted in Culture, For Pastors and Teachers, Inspiration and Motivation, Religion and Faith | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

Only One Death…

Ephesians 2:4-5

Only one death – not an act of hate, but of love – ever brought anyone else back to life.

†

Posted in Culture, For Pastors and Teachers, Inspiration and Motivation, Quips and Quotes, Religion and Faith | Tagged , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Our Waterfalls and Wine Tour

Left: Horseshoe Falls, Niagara (photo by Trudy) – Right: Rainbow Falls, Watkins Glen (photo by me)

Our Waterfalls and Wine Tour

Five years ago this month, my wife Trudy and I hit the road for upstate New York — and we encountered waterfalls and wine at every turn! First, we traveled to the village of Westfield, heart of the oldest (and still second largest) wine-producing region in the U.S. It’s also where my great-great grandparents immigrated to nearly two hundred years ago. After Westfield, we visited breathtaking Niagara Falls, America’s oldest national park, and briefly Buffalo. Then on to beautiful Seneca Lake (also known for its vineyards), and finally down to Watkins Glen at the base of Seneca Lake — where my great grandparents lived. We visited one final waterfall in the Cuyahoga Valley on our way home.

Click on any image to enlarge it, to read caption, or to begin slide show.

All photos © by Mitch Teemley, and may not be used without written permission
Posted in Art, Culture, Memoir, Photography, Writing and Blogging | Tagged , , , , , , , | 46 Comments

Writers: Getting to Your Final Draft

Photo by Matthew LeJune

Tips for Writers: Getting to Your Final Draft

Whether you write fiction or non-fiction, short or long form, you need to edit your work multiple times. Writing is like clay modeling. First, you slap a big blob of ideas, facts, and feelings, onto your workbench (computer screen or notepad). Then you begin pulling away chunks, moving them to other spots, or throwing them back into the clay bin (your Ideas file).

The first draft is your blob, but even it needs structure. To switch metaphors, you can’t find your way through the forest without a trail map. So, if you’re writing long form (novel, play, screenplay, biography, documentary), create a good outline first.

The second draft is about major changes. You’ll likely spend hours on just a few pages, moving, deleting, and rewriting paragraphs, or even whole scenes.

The third draft is about details: phrasing, getting characters’ voices and mannerisms right, etc. How many drafts after this? As many as you need. Nevertheless…

Your final draft is the real make-or-break stage, and in some ways the most agonizing. Why? Because for the first time, and more and more with each read-through, you’ll begin to get a sense of how it flows. This is when you’ll discover whole paragraphs or even pages that interrupt the story’s narrative drive—what the reader experiences—and these will need to go, or at least be altered.

And it will hurt.

Three Key Elements to Focus On

  1. Is it clean and clear of clutter? Or does it break the flow? This may mean cutting some genius phrases and sentences (toss ’em in that Ideas bin). Because, as Mr. Spock taught us, “The needs of the many (your readers) outweigh the needs of the few (you).”
  2. Is it emotionally engaging? Does it make the reader want to stay up past midnight?
  3. Does it contribute to the narrative drive? Hunt for tangents. Knowing our hero bought a gun to protect himself is on point; knowing about the factory where it was made isn’t — unless you’re building toward a shoot-out at that factory. The reader needs to sense that every paragraph belongs there, and why.

My Soon-to-be-Released Novel…

Healing River originally had a two-page flashback in which our protagonist began stalking the teenager who killed her son. “It’s just you and me, buddy,” she told her SUV. “You have to help me find Michael’s killer.” And then she recalled when, at her son’s insistence, she and her husband had bought the 4-wheel-drive vehicle so they could have off-road adventures.

I wrote a lovely scene about the three of them huddling together, snowed-in in the woods, singing goofy songs—their final outing as a family before her husband died. And now the last of that little family, her son, was gone. How befitting, she decided, that the SUV Michael loved should be her partner in tracking down his killer.

The essence was right. But the novel, like the SUV, went off-road at that point, and had to be trimmed. A lot. And that hurt. A lot. Still, the two paragraphs I condensed those two pages to in the final draft serve the story better–they contribute to the narrative drive. So keep reminding yourself…

“The needs of the many.”

Posted in Books, Culture, Fiction, Inspiration and Motivation, Storytelling, Writing and Blogging | Tagged , , , , , , | 20 Comments