No Matter What Others May Intend

Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery. He was tempted to give in to despair. (Who wouldn’t be?) But he chose instead to trust the God he knew would never abandon him.

Divine irony: Two decades later his brothers came to Egypt in the midst of famine to throw themselves at the mercy of the great Vizier–only to learn he was the brother they had betrayed! Emotionally shattered and fearing for their lives, they begged him for forgiveness. And Joseph replied:

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Joseph looked past the duplicity of humans, and placed his trust in God alone. Do we? Do we forgive those who misunderstand us and attempt to harm us, “being fully persuaded that God is able to do what he has promised“? (Romans 4:21)  Do we trust that no matter what others may intend, God intends it for good?

“He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

~Deuteronomy 31:8

Posted in Culture, For Pastors and Teachers, Quips and Quotes, Religion/Faith | Tagged , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

I Finally Found the Perfect Blog Name

Mitchellaneous

How to Choose a Blog Name

After abandoning the title Don’t Read This, You’ll Only Encourage Him! I did what any creative guy would do: polled my Facebook friends for steal-able ideas. “I need a name that represents more than just one aspect of my endlessly intriguing personality,” I humbly explained (you see how I am?).

The minute my friend Barb suggested Mitchellaneous (her long-time nickname for me), virtually all of my other friends agreed that it was perfect. I liked it too! However, Mitchellaneous wasn’t as thematically specific as, say, Kenny’s World of Ferrets. So I decided I’d also need a subtitle, one that would indicate the site featured stories with meaningful messages.

I happily began the process of acquiring my URL. But I was shocked to learn that the name “Mitchellaneous” had already been taken — by a blog site featuring graphic bestiality and child pornography! (Yes, I alerted WordPress, and it was eventually removed.) A number of other perfectly innocent people have also used the title, including a Canadian writer named Mitchell Toews. In fact, even though his name is not that similar to mine, it pops up every time I Google my name–which I now do every month or two for security reasons (and because I like to see my name in print).

So I abandoned Mitchellaneous as a site title, but as an homage re-labeled my Miscellaneous Category “Mitchellaneous.” Then, disappointed and a little daunted, I went back to the drawing board. What name could I give my blog that was completely unique, as well as—new concern—safe? One that no one else on earth was using?

Suddenly, there it was, staring me in the face. Every time I logged on to Facebook. Every time I handed my driver’s license to a policeman: “No, officer, I’m sure the light was just a very orangey yellow.” It was the name no one else in this version of the multiverse has. It was–drum roll, cymbal crash–

My name.

To be continued.

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Here They Are: My Biggest Hits of 2024!

Forget the Grammys and Academy Awards, here’s the award show everyone’s really been waiting for: My most popular blog posts of 2024! Things took a strange turn last year when a bunch of traffic-blocking glitches kicked-in. Result? My most-read blogs all happened earlier in the year. With one exception: My late year post Help, I’m Being WordPress Suppressed! instantly became #1 — you guys are awesome! Meanwhile, the most popular topic continues to be my memoirs, followed by animalswriting, and love. Oh, and photography — so please enjoy these images culled from last year’s biggest hits, followed by The List!

Click on any picture to enlarge it, or to begin the slide show (if you can — this is one of those recurring WordPress glitches).

Most Read (with 12 Most Liked in parentheses)

  1. Help, I’m Being WordPress Suppressed!
  2. The Lives of Trees (#1)
  3. Facing the Future (#2)
  4. It’s My Birthday! (sort of)
  5. Monogamy Is Not Natural (#3)
  6. The End of An Era
  7. Counting My Blessings (#10)
  8. How I Invented Coffee (#8 – tie)
  9. 55 Years Ago This Month (#6)
  10. Yay, I’m 10! (#4)
  11. Be Who You’re Called to Be (#5)
  12. The Long and Winding Road (#11)
  13. Rough Grace
  14. On My Wife’s Birthday (#8 – tie)
  15. Sixty Years Ago Today
  16. What’s Up, WordPress?
  17. Why Life Isn’t Fair (#8 – tie)
  18. Love. Before It’s Too Late
  19. Epic Design Fails (#8- tie)
  20. Weird Wonderful World
  21. Real Fatherhood (#9 -tie)
  22. How to Be Free
  23. Surprising Public Sculptures (#8 -tie)
  24. Shine! (#9 – tie)
  25. Why I Don’t Do Drugs
  26. Four Years Ago This Month
  27. Smile, It’s Friday!
  28. Let It Snow (#12)
  29. My First Comic Book Has Been Published!
  30. Thank You, God, for Not Making Me a Star
  31. A Quiet Spectacle
  32. I Was Attacked and Lived to Tell the Tail!
  33. Compassion (#7)
  34. Confession: I’m in Love With Another Woman
  35. Love and Stroganoff
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Building a Patchwork of Love

Dear preachers, teachers and group leaders: A new year has begun, and that means new opportunities to love and minister to others. Not just for you, but for everyone in your congregation, classroom, or group. If you’re looking for a great illustration to set up a talk on caring for others, my 2-minute video A Patchwork of Love (above) may be just the thing! It’s available from my church film distributor Sermon Central.

To learn more, or to download the video, click here!

P.S. Visit The Story Shop (above) to see my whole catalogue of movies, scripts, books, and teaching resources!

Posted in For Pastors and Teachers, Humor, Movies, Religion/Faith, Videos | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Come on Baby, Do the Notzilla!

Images above are from both the feature film and the graphic novel Notzilla (P.S. My publisher has just commissioned me to create a new Notzilla graphic novel!)

Music From My Movies

As I mentioned in the previous Music From My Movies, I write songs for the soundtracks of my feature films. For my “cult classic comedy” Notzilla (MovieWeb), I wrote three tunes, and tied them together as a typical day of radio in 1962. Each song is inspired by the public’s obsession with Notzilla, an escaped kaiju (giant monster).

“Do the Notzilla,” the last song featured in the film, is a classic early 60s “dance craze” tune (with a wink and a nod to Little Eva’s “The Loco-Motion”). Naturally, it features directions on how to do the hot new dance “The Notzilla.” So, feel free to sing along and…dance, baby, dance!

The Lyrics

There’s really nothin’ to it, honey,
you’ll be on top of it all.
(Come on, baby, do the Notzilla!)
If attitude is altitude
then, honey, you’re ten stories tall!
(Come on, baby, do the Notzilla!)

Just lift up your tail and let out a pop.
You just can’t fail to do a little hop.
Then throw up your claws, and do it some more.
Dramatic pause – Now roar!
(Get your roar on!)

Your fins, they look like paper dolls,
your zipper comes up to your neck.
(Come on, baby, do the Notzilla!)
But, honey, you’re original,
a one-dinosaur discotheque
(Come on, baby, do the Notzilla!)

(Repeat Chorus)

This recording was produced by Steve Goers, the composer of Notzilla’s instrumental score, and performed by Adia Dobbins.

Note: No part of this song or recording may be copied or reproduced without first obtaining written permission from its composer Mitch Teemley (Og Hollow Music, 2018 – ASCAP)
Posted in Humor, Movies, Popular Culture & Entertainment, Videos | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

Four Steps to Becoming a Superhero

1) Choose the right costume (very important).

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2) Wear costume no matter how hard it is to put on.

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3) Practice being super every day.

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A-funny-photo-by-Sacha-Goldberger-of-his-grandmother-in-a-superhero-outfit-flying-on-a-treadmill

4) Choose a Super-name no one else has (very important).

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Have a Super Year, friends!

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The Mold From Which I Was Made

My Real Memoir

She was my template, my prototype. But I never knew it. Even as a preschooler, I was embarrassed by her. “Don’t forget to go wee-wee,” she’d say at bedtime. “Nooo, Grandma! It’s pee-pee!” As a teenager, I loudly dressed her down for calling an African American child a “cute little pickinini.” “Honey, they use it,” she replied, “they” being Black people in the little Texas town she’d come from. “Well, not white people, Grandma, and not you! Ever!”

She owned an antique shop next to Grandpa Frank’s glass business in Upland, California. There, dressed in late 19th century garb, she’d interact with her customers as a folksy pioneer woman, always ready with a story. I loved her turn-of-the-century Victrolas and stereoscopes, but cringed at her corny persona.

It wasn’t until her death that I found out who she really was. Johnie Belle Reed had been the fifth of eleven children in sandy Pleasanton, Texas. She lacked direction until, in the 1920s, her family moved to Los Angeles, and she fell in love with another little town called “Hollywood.”

Johnie loved acting, but writing was her greatest passion. She wanted to write and make movies. So she wrote scripts. Lots of them. When no one bought them, she wrote a newspaper column called “Watch Your Words.” And then, after she married a dashing WWI air ace name Frank, she wrote and starred in a radio show, “The Mix-Ups,” with Frank as her befuddled straight-man.

The moment “Frankie and Johnie” (their forever song) produced a striking little redhead, Tavia, Johnie decided to make her a star. Before their second child (my mother) was born, she’d already enrolled their first in dance classes. And by the time long-legged Tavia was eleven, Johnie had gotten her into Meglin Kiddies, Universal Pictures’ training pool for kids.

In 1939, Tavia landed a supporting role in a summer camp musical The Under-Pup, the Mean Girls of its time. It starred Robert Cummings and Gloria Jean, Universal’s new preteen singing star.

Tavia loved the attention, but it was actually my mom who inherited the acting bug. Tavia grew tired of showbiz, even while my future mother was playing Juliet in her school production of Romeo and Juliet.

Two decades later, Johnie was still turning out plays and TV spec scripts. Meanwhile, I arrived and in short order blessed the world by inventing writing, acting and music. When our eighth-grade drama teacher quit, I commandeered the class. Looking for a play to star in, I found an unproduced Danny Thomas Show script written by Grandma Johnie, and it was good! But the show never happened and, blinded by the light of my own ambitions, I quickly forgot about Grandma’s.

A few years later, a new playhouse, the Gallery Theatre, opened in Upland, and Johnie became a co-founding member. In December, 1968, while I was still a newbie theatre major, the Gallery produced her play The Christmas Card. It featured three tunes by her nightclub-singer/songwriter sister Dorie, and was the Gallery’s first big hit!

Excited, she and Dorie started working on an original musical. But when Johnie was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, they were unable to continue. She moved in with us, but her condition progressed quickly, so we transferred her to a care facility. As her memory faded, my visits became increasingly awkward. We barely spoke.

What was there to talk about?

A lot, I know now. But sadly, those visits are long-gone. Grandma Johnie passed away in the fall of 1974. And only afterward, as I went through her scrapbooks, did I finally comprehend that she was the prototype, the mold from which I was made. Even more than my mom, I’d inherited her creative gene for writing, acting and directing. One day, it’ll be my turn to depart…

And, oh, how we’ll talk!

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7 Components of Spiritual Leadership

Seljanlandsfoss, Iceland

Thought for the Week

Moses wasn’t a natural leader. He was a vision guy—great at talking to burning bushes, not so great at talking to hoards of Hebrews. He was also passionate and strong-willed (ahem, I can relate). He tried to beg off, but God wouldn’t take לא for an answer. True, his brother Aaron was allowed to help, but Moses alone was to wield the staff of authority.

Things hit a major low when water supplies ran out (Numbers 20:3-8). So God instructed Moses and Aaron to “speak” to a particular rock, promising that when they did, water would spring forth from it. But Moses was so frustrated with the quarreling Hebrews that instead he shouted, “Must we bring forth water from this rock!” And then he whacked it with his staff. Twice. Oops.

Misrepresenting God is near the top of God’s לא List. Result? After a glimpse of the Promised Land, Moses died. Why? Because, “when the congregation quarreled,” he and Aaron failed to represent God’s true character — they placed the focus on themselves and their anger instead.

This incident has had a big impact on my understanding of spiritual leadership. I even based a scene in my fantasy novel The Wishing Map on it. But it took on new meaning for me when I started work on my feature film Notzilla. Film directing is a creative role, but it’s also a leadership role, and I sensed God whispering, “Moses is your model.”

Oh, great! I thought. I just have to do better than one of the greatest leaders in history! But then I realized I had a chance at a “Moses-Do-Over.” So I reviewed God’s instructions: “Take your staff and gather the congregation…then speak to the rock that is before them, and it will yield its water…so that they and their livestock can drink.” I saw seven key components:

  1. God – Don’t hatch schemes and ask God to bless them. Find out what God is doing, and sign up for that!
  2. Staff – Humbly and soberly accept the staff (role) you’ve been given.
  3. Rock – Then confidently approach the rock, the challenge set before you. Your purpose is to draw forth God’s intended results.
  4. Speak – Calmly but scrupulously use your authority to draw forth those results (underpinned by constant prayer, I might add).
  5. Water – As a symbol of the his Spirit, water represents God’s central role (you are the staff in God’s hand).
  6. Congregation – The water from the rock is meant to sustain and encourage believers. But there are always others present, as well…
  7. Livestock – God also sustains those who are unaware of his presence. They are “livestock” only in that they are oblivious to God’s role in their lives (they may, in fact, be more intellectually and creatively gifted than those in “the congregation”).

I’ve had both on my team during my film projects, many of whom I cherish and will work with again. Even if you’re in ministry, you too will end up leading believers and non-believers. You’re calling is to humbly lead and, when the congregation quarrels, to faithfully execute a Moses-Do-Over by setting aside your own will and demonstrating…

God’s true character.  

Posted in For Pastors and Teachers, Movies, Religion/Faith, The Wishing Map, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

New Year’s Resolutions: Two Weeks Later

Resolution (with apologies to the Beatles):

“You say you made a resolution, well, you know,
We all want to change our ways,
But to really be a resolution, well, you know,
It’s got to last more than twelve days.”

begin-again

About that New Year’s Resolution: Pray and begin again. If it matters–really matters–God will strengthen you. If not, let it go.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

~James 1:12

~AΩ~

Posted in For Pastors and Teachers, Humor, Religion/Faith | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Don’t Read This, You’ll Only Encourage Me

My 3rd Grade Notebook (with 5th Grade photo “enhanced” by 5th-Grade-Me)

How to Choose a Blog Name

Ten years ago, I launched my blog site with this quip: “Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3. Is this thing on?” I thought it was funny. So did some guy who wrote, “Awesome!” and reblogged it. “Cool!” I thought. “I’m on my way!” He was the first and last person ever to read that post. (In space no one can hear your blog scream.) So the next day I relaunched with a series of posts about how I chose my blog name, which was really just a way of introducing myself to readers–of which I had none. I do have a few now (thank you!). So I’ve decided to re-post those first five blogs.

Lavish fanfare. “Thank you, thank you! Please, you’re embarrassing me, really. Thank you…no, really…thank you…” The crowd settles. I begin to speak. My voice is full of warmth and humility: “On the auspicious occasion (asion, asion, asion) of my first official blog post (ost, ost), as I look out upon my legions of imaginary fans (ans, ans)…”

OK, so you’re wondering how I’ll make an epic multi-part story out of how I picked my blog name when my blog name is simply, well, my name. Answer: I can make an epic multi-part story out of anything! 

My blog name needed to be special. By contrast, naming my children was easy. After all, they hadn’t developed personalities yet. My blog name, on the other hand, had to embody not only my passions and ideas, but a very well-developed (some might say overly developed) personality. Hence…

Name choice #1: Don’t Read This, You’ll Only Encourage Him! I figured I’d hit the bulls-eye with this. After all, as a kid I regularly inspired adults to say, “Don’t laugh, you’ll only encourage him!” And as a result, did a lot of elementary school time-outs for blurting too-good-to-keep-to-myself one-liners. Long before it was labelled ADHD, my type of behavior was called “poor citizenship.” To this day, when I see “Citizenship: ________” on a form, I feel like I should answer, “Needs improvement.”

I had a lengthy run in sketch comedy groups during the 80’s and 90’s (Isaac Air Freight, Mitch & Allen, National Lampoon Players). But I also did un-funny things like college teaching, filmmaking, and conference speaking. Don’t get me wrong, I love making people laugh, always have and always will. But…

I needed a name that said more. So I reluctantly abandoned Don’t Read This, You’ll Only Encourage Him! vowing to repurpose it as the title of my first post. Hence, this post.

Which is now over.

To read the next episode, click here.

Posted in Humor, Memoir, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments