They Just Don’t Make Monsters the Way They Used To

Halloween - lazy zombie

Thought for the Week

When I was a kid, Halloween was a big deal. I loved monsters, and regularly built monster models: The Mummy (with real cloth!), Frankenstein’s monster, King Kong (with real fake fur), the Invisible Man (an empty stand with footprints). I loved being scared!

Later, as a middle schooler, I switched to doing the scaring. I’d dress as a ghoul and jump down from the garage rafters with a hideous (“kideous?”) cackle–and candy, of course; a proper scream deserves a reward. Sometimes things backfired. But I still loved it.

As an adult, I’ve rather lost the joie de horreur. I’ve never really found a place in my heart for torture or gore. Give me a good ol’ “What’s that? Oh, it’s nothing. Wait–yes, it is!” type of movie any day. But a guy with a Saw — not so much. Reminds me of that dead tree limb I need to remove from my back yard. So, I guess I’ll spend another year handing out candy, dressed as a disarmingly handsome(ish) older gentleman with a beautiful wife, and then rewatch a few old episodes of Stranger Things. And besides,

Who wants to do all that walking?

ζ

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
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29 Responses to They Just Don’t Make Monsters the Way They Used To

  1. revruss1220 says:

    Agree 100 percent. I am – and have been for some time – totally OVER Halloween. I love seeing cute little kids out in their costumes shyly saying “Trick or Treat!” after subtle prompting from mom and dad. Just can’t bring myself to celebrate gore, for some reason.

  2. I learned from Pastor Charles Stanley that as Christians we shouldn’t have anything to do with Halloween. A pagan holiday just isn’t my cup of tea anymore.

    • Re-Farmer says:

      The pastor is half wrong. Halloween is All Hallows Eve (“hallow” meaning “holy”), the night before All Hallows Day (aka: All Saints Day). It’s a Catholic liturgical celebration. The pagan celebrations around the same date were unconnected, but people who converted to Christianity kept their traditions and give them new meaning, as they always have. Of course, the secularists have taken over these Christian Holy days and made them into something else entirely.

      Unfortunately, like Christmas and Easter, people love using historical revisionism to talk about how these Holy days are actually pagan, and invent all sorts of reasons why. Most people don’t have enough knowledge of historical mythology to know that both the pagan and the Christian histories are being completely twisted and reinvented. It doesn’t help when our church leaders go along with it, too.

  3. 😄”all the walking” (all the freezing off of our bums, too)! Back when young teens weighed their candy-pillowcase against pride, husband gave one barefooted one a new pair of flip-flops along with candy. I haven’t ever seen “Stranger Things”.. or have I?🫣

  4. On the front of my October T-shirt it says: “Satan scares plenty of people. Do you know what scares him?” On the back: “Satan’s Worst Nightmare: Revelation 1:18.” That shirt has already started some good conversations. I have a yard display with a similar message on tombstones and an empty cross with note pinned to it: “I’ll be back. – J.”
    I’ve been working on little flyers that asks the same question as the t-shirt, and inside (I’m not assuming anyone is going to look up a Bible verse, especially the ones who need it.) it says, “Jesus, back from the dead! ‘I am the Living One; I was dead and behold, I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys to death and Hades.’ ”
    But now my PRINTER is being the monster! The same flyer that was printing beautifully yesterday is suddenly coming out in gibberish today. (Speaking in tongues?) Fortunately, I hadn’t cut up yesterday’s copies, so I used the copier instead of the printer. So far, working …
    Still, annoying as #$%^&*?! (NOW who’s a monster?)

    • mitchteemley says:

      Just lay hands on that printer and cast out the gibberish demon, Annie. ;>) Rock on with your annual Satan’s Worst Nightmare event!

      • Anonymous says:

        I wish I could, Mitch. That production was in Michigan, with a cast of about 30 people, costumes, lighting, special effects ( like strobe light and fog coming from the Empty Tomb), live band, free food, Gideons giving out Bibles, sometimes raining everywhere except our block, Satanists trying to burn the Bibles… 😏 I sure miss it.
        (Have you read the manuscript yet?)

      • mitchteemley says:

        Yes! I read it and sent you notes a few years back, Annie.

        • I don’t remember getting notes, Mitch. I may have forgotten, but I think (probably 😬🙄) I would have remembered. So, if I never thanked you, it wasn’t because I didn’t appreciate it! I will do a search for them today. And (belatedly) thanks so much! 

          Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

  5. Anonymous says:

    I’ve become increasingly disenchanted with Halloween. The adults have taken it over and gone all in with the neo-pagan historical revision (it’s a Catholic liturgical holiday, and had no connection to pagan celebrations held around the same time of year) and gore p0rn. Meanwhile, the kids aren’t allowed to dress up for fun like they used to, lest they offend some group currently in the victim class.

  6. Jeff Cann says:

    Absolutely love that meme.

  7. Happy Halloween to you and your beautiful wife, Mitch!

  8. C.A. Post says:

    I like the idea some bloggers give- set up gravestones with Scripture verses on them; one has an empty cross with the blood stains and a note tacked at the crossbeam: “I’ll be back soon!” Then they hand out candy wrapped with kid-friendly tracts.
    Too late for this year, but next! 😉

  9. I love Halloween just a tiny bit more than I detest the scary and gory costumes. Seeing neighbors I’ve not seen since who knows when, oohing and ahhhhing over the little Dorothies with their Totos and the Firefighters with their Dalmatians, and just enjoying being out in the neighborhood. But the blood and gore? Yeah, not for me thanks!

  10. Great meme! Halloween used to be fun when it was for kids and not gory! It’s being taken over by non kids now ruled by the costume gestapo. As for me, I’m going to a church service in celebration of All Saints Day. 🙂

  11. Ann Coleman says:

    For some reason known only to her, my three-year old granddaughter is fascinated with zombies. She’s only seen cartoon versions (her parents are smart enough to screen what she watches), but she definitely thinks they are entertaining. And often instructs me to walk like a zombie, which according to her, entails holding my arms out, walking with stiff legs and sticking my tongue out of the corner of my mouth. Honestly, I’m still not sure if this is just harmless fun or not!

  12. Robert J Jr. says:

    Uber instead!

  13. My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is the fact that brains are hard to find these days. I’m sure I’ll starve.

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