Photo courtesy of Leicester Mercury
My Real Memoir
My Super-Secret Operation! I asked my wife whether I should publicly share this confidential nugget from my childhood. Being pseudo-famous, I always find it wise to ask my very private wife when to share such paparazzi-fodder. Her reply? “Be delicate.”
At Age Six…
…I had a “hernia” operation. Only it wasn’t really for a hernia. It was my first operation, apart from that rather messy little womb-extraction at age -1. So I was kinda nervous, but mostly excited. Because after they fixed my hernia, the doctor said I could have all the jello I wanted!
There were super-bright lights, and then they put a mask on my face, and then…
I woke up in a big bed with all kinds of neato buttons and handles, just like Captain Nemo’s submarine in my favorite movie and at Disneyland!
Nurse Sandy and Dr. Doctor visited me a lot. I was pretty sure Nurse Sandy loved me because she looked at me with big Bambi’s mom-eyes. Hospital-land was kinda like heaven. I got jello in every flavor–red, green, yellow–read kid’s books with Nurse Sandy, and walked around peeping into other people’s rooms. Only when I walked, it kinda hurt down there–where I’d had my hernia operation.
But mostly I felt super-happy. Especially when they hooked me back up to the big bag. They even set off fireworks to celebrate my going home! Well, that and the fact that it was the 4th of July. Nurse Sandy watched with me, and then tucked me in for the last time.
The Hernia Operation Was Sorta Goofy
It left a big scar down there and, this is the goofy part, a rubber band went right through one of my little hangy parts. They told me to be super-careful not to break the rubber band. But a week later…I did.
Mommandad were upset because they thought I was gonna have to have another hernia operation. But Dr. Doctor said, “No, he’ll be OK.” And I pretty much was. But…
Years Later, After I Got Married
Mom told me my “hernia operation” had actually been an orchioplexy, an operation that boys have when one of their, ahem, ball-bearings doesn’t “descend” into their hangy parts. It can lower their chance of having kids. But not me.
I had two super-duper ones!
And then I had a different kind of “hernia operation” on purpose. But this time there was no jello and no rubber band…
Just no more kids.
To read My Real Memoir from the start, click here. To read the next episode, click here.
OMG! You are a bag full of surprises!!
;>)
was that joke cutting too close? (sorry, not often I can get away with a pun).
😳😂
So funny! Love it, Mitch!
Thanks, Mollie!
Jello!?? What kind of a poverty stricken hospital were you in!!?? We got ice-cream whenever we were in hospitals in K.C.! Maybe it was a California thing? So sad.😟
c.a.
Oh, I got ice cream too, C.A. (I’m a serious ice cream fan.) But the fact that I could have jello non-stop if I wanted to was a biggie for 6-year-old me.
Not a thing is out of place. LOL. See what I did there?
“Mom told me my “hernia operation” had actually been an orchioplexy, an operation that boys have when one of their, ahem, ball-bearings doesn’t “descend” into their hangy parts. It can lower their chance of having kids. But not me.
I had two super-duper ones!
And then I had a different kind of “hernia operation” on purpose. But this time there was no jello and no rubber band…
Just no more kids.”
🧡
🤦🏼♀️
You caught me off guard with that one. 🤭😄
;>)
What a great read, Mitch. I enjoy how you join mom and dad together in one word. That tells a lot about your parents and your perception of them.
I really did see them as a unit, especially when I was younger.
Did they knock you out with ether ? I got it that way for my appendix out, but they don’t use that anymore
Not sure. I probably didn’t even know then. I imagine they just said, “You’re going to go to sleep now.”
You were delicate indeed.
;>) Thanks, John.
You can actually make a hernia operation sound exciting. Too funny. Love it, Mitch.
;>)
Great story! I wish I could write as well as you!
Why, thank you, MKR. 🧡
You transformed your memories of an uncomfortable medical situation into an interesting narrative. Delightful! 🙂
Thank you, Nancy. 🧡
You need confidence when you have an operation. When they operated on my right knee I was confident because beforefand, the doctor drew a big arrow with a marker pen on the knee to be operated.
;>) I don’t recall seeing an arrow “down there,” Geoff.
I winced all through this post, lol! Yeowtch!
You just never know what Mitch will come up with next! ‼️❓⁉️‼️😁
This is so fun. Aren’t you super duper excited about those two operations 🤣.
Mitch this is story writing/communication 101 – how to talk about a delicate matter.
Thanks, Iba. ;>)
Happy to hear that “hernia” operation was successful and alls well
;>)
I’ll try to remember your happiness being in the hospital the next time I go in (in a couple of weeks). Really, I will try. I tend to feel sadness and fear. I’m glad your experience went successfully, so to say. (And I’ll read more, yes?, about the next one.)
👍
You are blessed with an amazing attitude. :0)
🧡
😂Mitch, I never know what’s going to be in your posts. I may have to borrow this for my Friday Funny post on Facebook. I don’t share stories or jokes at someone’s expense, but since you shared it I could make an exception.
Well, I guess I asked for it, Aletha. ;>)
Great job, Mitch! This might be the only surgery story that’s ever made me nostalgic for hospital Jell-O and fireworks 😄 The six-year-old version of you wandering around like it’s Captain Nemo’s submarine is fantastic. Also, I can’t stop laughing at “Dr. Doctor”; that guy absolutely belongs in a sitcom.
;>)
Our son had the same thing. 😀
I guess it’s fairly common.
I think so, but it was pretty scary at the time
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Aahh, to have the bouncy cheerfulness of six-year-old Mitch! I’ll bet Nurse Sandy and all the other staff on the pediatric ward loved you!
Well, I’d like to think so anyway. 🧡
Hee hee you have a good sense of humour 😀
Thank you, Mez.
Thank you for my chuckle of the day! 😂
My pleasure, Teresa.
Thank you for your comment, Mitch, but I’m so sorry I have no idea how all this computer business works. Nice to make contact however.
Gwen.
It certainly is, Gwen.
LOL!