How did evolution really begin?
Note: Some of these questions are mine, but most are by “Anonymous,” the only person who gets around even more than “Occupant.”
Science:
- If you melted dry ice in a pool, could you swim in it without getting wet?
- What happens if you turn on your headlights while driving at the speed of light?
- Would the ocean be deeper if sponges didn’t grow in it?
- If there’s a speed of sound and a speed of light, is there a speed of smell?
- Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
- If a bee was allergic to pollen would it get the hives?
- Can a pig pull a ham string?
- If you put a chameleon in front of a mirror, what color does it turn?
- If someone gets addicted to counseling, how do you treat them?
Arts and Literature:
- Was Captain Hook called Captain Hand before he got the hook?
- If Cinderella’s glass slipper fit perfectly, why did it fall off?
- Why is he called the ‘Lone’ Ranger when Tonto is always with him?
- Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
- Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard (or any body hair, for that matter)?
- Ballerinas dance on their tiptoes. Why don’t they just get taller dancers? (Greg Ray)
Language and Culture:
- Do Dutch people always split the bill?
- If a parsley farmer loses a lawsuit, do they garnish his wages?
- Are mattresses ever not on sale?
- Why don’t women put pictures of their missing husbands on beer cans?
- What do Greeks say when they don’t understand? (“It’s all _________ to me.”)
- Whose cruel idea was it to put an ‘s’ in the word “lisp”?
- If “there’s an exception to every rule,” is there an exception to that rule?
- Can an ambidextrous person make an offhanded remark?
- Why do ‘fat chance’ and ‘slim chance’ mean the same thing?
- “When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make you a vacuum cleaner?”
- If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has a right to talk?
- Why do people sink so slowly in quicksand?
- If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
- Can a short person “talk down” to a taller person?
- What’s the synonym for “thesaurus”?
- Are female teamsters “teamstresses”?
- Are male seamstresses “seamsters”?
- If you steal a clean slate, does that go on your record?
- If pro and con are opposites, does that make Congress the opposite of progress?
And finally, the biggest question of all:
- If God sneezes, what do you say to Him?
These are priceless! Thanks for sharing
My pleasure, Lynn.
Deep. Very deep.
Exactly, Sue Ann.
Mitch, did I miss this job? Are you sure you weren’t a comedy writer for Steven Wright or some other comedian in one of your past jobs? Ha ha. Some good ones!
;>) Thanks, Brian.
Are we going to see you headlining in LA, Vegas, NYC, or Chicago one of these days. Ha, ha, maybe for a short stand-up bit on one of the late shows. Ha, ha.
Well…
Gee, Mitch! Did your cold affect your brain, turning it into a one-line-generator sort of thing? How are you feeling, by the way? 😄❤️🇨🇦
Not much better I’m afraid, Gail. This is a nasty one.
🤒😷🤧 Sleep, chicken soup, etc……..
I assume you’re talking about my previous post, Gail. ;>) Thanks!
🤣🤣🤣 Maggie
Three thank-you faces, Maggie.
Direi che mi hai lasciato senza parole , bello il gioco delle parole e delle cose improbabili.
Complimenti!!!🌟🐈⬛
Grazie, Gatta!
Totally…I’ve got to send half of these to my son who bombards me with terrible dad jokes weekly! Awesome! Thanks Mitch!
;>)
Been reading Dawkin’s “The Selfish Gene.” I enjoy it, but sometimes there are alleys that abruptly end in his reasoning. I guess someone else will come along one day and make a thoroughfare. Hmmmm.
I agree, Isabella. A lot of Dawkins’ reasoning falls short.
I know that Kal-El grows a beard in at least one scene of Zack Snyder’s “Man of Steel” from 2012, but how does he shave it off? In other media, Superman never seems to need a shave, but….
(I’m sure that somewhere in DC’s archives, there must be an in-universe reason for this….)
Zack Snyder at Comic Con, “Uh…next question.”
Great questions
Some pretty deep thoughts there, Mitch.
I know, right?
😄 These are cool, my kids would get a kick out of some of these questions.
;>)
The beardless Tarzan always seemed strange to me. I love the Congress question.
;>)
I don’t know (to the final question): You bless You? These questions are grand. Thank you. Now I’m going to worry about the chameleon. Not so much the wives missing beercan husbands, (I’ve wondered why palindrome isn’t one.)
I know, Christopher. They could so easily have called it a Palilap.
That’s great, Mitch! Should I ever teach the term again and if I may, I’ll use your alternative. Citing the source, of course.
Bless you God
My brain hurts
;>)
I needed some laughs, and you provided them!
My pleasure, Neil.
There are plenty that many would not want to
So Cool, thanks for sharing Mitch! 😄
Much to ponder …
I know, right?
🙂
Pro and con,,,,,very apt for the moment.
Indeed.
Grazie a te 🙏🌷♥️
<3
love this!
Too funny!
It’s been some time since a list so hilarious came my way. Priceless compilation. 👌😆
So glad you enjoyed it, MMC.
👍🙂🙏
I like the way your mind works!
I’ll pray for you, Ann. ;>)
Thanks for the “wonderings” and the laughs!
All great questions, Mitch. I think the God sneezing one was covered in the George Burns movie ‘Oh God’
Aha, makes sense, really.
Very nicely written!
Thanks, Hannah!