Dear Mr. Elohim,
Re. My Heart: May I begin by saying how much I appreciate the Wisdom and Maturity features you designed into this thing. Although I could wish they didn’t take an entire lifetime to become fully functional.
Re. My Body: At first it was, well, serviceable. Please note that I said was. That brings me to the point of this letter: What’s up with the Aging feature? I didn’t ask for this. And, frankly, I don’t think it’s well-designed at all! Right when the Wisdom and Maturity features begin kicking in, the Aging feature starts getting more and more glitchy. And I’ve heard some other people’s units are even worse. I think something’s gone seriously wrong at your manufacturing plant!
Btw, I’ve lowered Your Yelp rating to a 1.
Sincerely,
A less-than-satisfied Customer
P.S. I was going to review the Troubleshooting section of the Manual, but seem to have misplaced it. Also, is there a Warranty? I can’t seem to find one.
⇓
Dr. Mr. Elohim,
May I call you Abba?
Please disregard my previous letter.
I finally found the Manual and read the Troubleshooting section. Very helpful and, may I add, very well thought-out. But the main thing I noticed was your Upgrade policy. Holy…! Please forget everything I said in my previous letter about the Aging feature. Now I see why it’s there. This is only a Training model! And you say the Upgraded Model will last forever and never break down? Whoa, now that’s what I call a Warranty! I mean, I’d rather have the Upgrade than this old thing any day! Or should I say “any old eternity?” LOL.
Oh, yeah, and I also read the Service section. I really liked the parts about getting to know you. No problem! Once I learned about your love and plans for me, and everything you’ve done for me, well, now all I can think about is you! And, frankly, getting an Upgrade sounds like nothing compared to being with you forever! I’m totally crushing on you, Mr. Abba!
Btw, I’ve updated your Yelp rating. Seriously, 5 is the top number possible? They really should offer an “infinity” option! But then, I guess they won’t be around when we get our Upgrades, will they?
Sincerely I love You!
A less-than-satisfied Customer Your child
Insightful and eloquent!
Thanks, Dirt!
Stay tuned for my next blog post to be published over the weekend where Dirt gives a shout out to his friend Mitch!
:>o
This is great, Mitch! Clever and fun.
So glad you enjoyed it, Mitzy.
Just awesome, Mitch!
Thanks, Joy!
I love your sense of humor, Mitch.
Why, thank you, Don.
I hope you are healing well.
Laughter is part of that medicine, I am sure
Thank you, Rose. So far so good.
Absolutely love this, Mitch! Nicely done!
Thank you, Steve!
Great post Mitch. Hope your ticker is ticking the way it should be. You are loved.
Aw, thank you, Kathy❣
Brill
Brilliantly conceived and made manifest in words.
Why, thank you, Lisa.
You’re welcome, Mitch.
A very clever way to get your message across!
Thanks, Liz!
You’re welcome, Mitch!
Super post packed with meaningful messages of faith and hope. Thanks, Mitch! 🙂
My privilege, Nancy.
Love this, Mitch! Makes me think of a couple of favorite songs – Temporary Home and I Don’t Want to Get Adjusted – by Gaither Vocal Band.
I’m not familiar with them, Ed, but I like titles.
This was awesome! 😎
Thanks, Scott!
…And another thing while we are on the subject. My distant relative, Job, had an awful time and he remained faithful in spite of all the troubles that your old worship leader did to him. However, the three beautiful daughters that he lost were never returned.! I was particularly entranced with Keziah. The three returned ones were not the originals. Job was pleased with them because he loves you. I am nonplussed and sad about my true love lost. Job’s neighbor, Jonah.
I love this, Mitch, beautifully written and your sense of humor keeps me smiling. I kind of have to agree on the aging thing…🤣
;>) Thanks, Peggy.
Love this Mitch!
Thanks, Max!
Nicely shared, Mitch. 🙂
Thanks, T.
You’re most welcome.
This is such a good one. I think I have quite a few complaints myself 😀.
;>)
Love this Mitch 😊
🧡
Oh gosh, I can’t stop cackling!!! This is exactly what I ponder all too often these days as speed with no brakes to 73.
Awesome, Mitch! I find myself fuming a bit these days about that Aging feature, too. But it sure is good to be reminded about the Upgrade we all have in store. Great stuff!
Thank you, my Anonymous friend.
Great perspective! ❤️
Thanks, Lisa.
This was terrific!
I loved this! and so did my Benjamin, he said “there’s a good sermon in that😎
❣
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Amazing! Love it!