Photo by Gerrie Vernon
My Real Memoir
The He Man Woman Haters Club
The day I discovered girls came shortly after, inspired by the Little Rascals TV show, Jeff (of Jeff-and-Rory fame) and I formed a “He Man Woman Haters Club — No Girlz Allowd!” (Rory couldn’t attend because, in a stroke of vicious irony, he had to clean his kid sisters’ room.) We met two times in a “secret” clubhouse (Jeff’s garage), to talk about “man stuff.” It was profoundly…boring.
I resigned. Which left Jeff as the only remaining member, so he resigned too. The problem was, I liked girls. A lot. Liked talking to them. Liked looking at them. But the real deal-sealer came when I skinned my elbow on the school blacktop. A tender-hearted older woman, a 3rd grader, saw me crying, and rubbed my shoulders as she escorted me to the nurse’s office.
“That must have hurt,” the nurse observed. “No, it felt good!” I said. I was thinking about that life-altering shoulder-rub, not my elbow. Still, I had no future with older women.
And Then I Met Lisa
I’d already been in love with my 1st grade teacher Miss Peggy, and with Nurse Sandy at the hospital where I’d had my super-secret operation. But this was the first actual girl-girl I’d fallen for. Lisa was a tall, dark-haired beauty who loved reading as much as I did. It was like at first sight! I walked her home from school, and told her I couldn’t stay. But then we talked about our favorite books. Still, I had to go. But then she pointed at a chess board in her living room, and said, “I could teach you.”
So, you see it really was woman who first tempted man.
I don’t know how long I stayed, but when I left it was definitely on the nightly side of not-daytime. “I was worried sick about you!” Mom yelled when I walked in the front door. (“Sick”? Honestly, I never once saw her throw-up when I came home late.) Then I told her about Lisa. “I think she’s my girlfriend.”
Mom grinned. “Well, not until you buy her something.”
“What?”
“How about a ring?”
J.J. Newberry Was…
…the pre-curser of Walmart, the pinnacle of fashion, the most sophisticated store I could think of. After agonizing over the price, I spent all I had (35¢) on a handcrafted ring with an exquisite red gem I was pretty sure was a ruby.
Still, true love is elusive. Over time, Lisa and I drifted apart.
We lasted three days.
Adventure was calling, in the form of Jeff-and-Rory. And so I answered.
Years later, in high school, a short, platinum blonde would smile at me, and I would smile back. “Don’t you remember me?” she would ask. “I’m Lisa.” And I would be stunned. Alas, the magic of first-like fades.
But my love of girlkind would continue apace.
To read My Real Memoir from the start, click here. To read the next episode, click here.
lol…I married Squints, though I’m not Wendy Prefracorn, I am the one who freed him from that stinky, old woman haters club ;0)
;>)
Ha! Great read!
Thank you, MM!
If we are honest (and I trust everyone on this site is so inclined) we will all have a treasured memory such as this one. I certainly can. The first Valentine’s card I ever sent. The contest where I let her win. But my dad was posted and we moved far, far (half a country) away. Back then, when one had to rely on mail, absence didn’t make the heart grow fonder. Oh, well.
💔
I still laugh when I think of my first “romance” in first grade and the day I saw him at a middle school dance years later. He grinned at me and said, “You told me you’d marry me in first grade.” It was one of the rare moments in my life when I was speechless. :/
;>)
This is such a charming story. Even though I’m a ‘girl,’ it’s nostalgic & similar.
I especially love the honesty of it.
Aw, thank you, Linda. 🧡
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I’VE HAD MANY ATTEMPTS….BUT ONLY ONE stuck…and she chased after me, till I caught her! Married 35 years…. married a year and a month to the day after our engagement over the phone…she’ll have passed just two years ago this July 15th. Now I have the friendship ring of a gal 15 years my senior who calls me a cripple because I’m in worse shape than she is, but calls me her only friend—she saw my writing before I noticed her—and we became friends. Tried going beyond that but things didn’t work out, so still friends.
Belated condolences on the loss or your love, Jonathan. I know no one can replace her, but I’m glad you’ve found a close companion. 🧡
THANK YOU!
I am in the same situation right now although the age difference is less than you and your friend. We met on a dating app but nothing progressed so we are just great friends now. I am done with websites for single people.
Yeah I tried one or two—they’re like a feeding frenzy—say anything to get the date and you do have to pay for it—for the opportunity! You found a friend out of it—that’s nice!
Thirty-five cents was a hefty amount for a toy ruby ring back in the day. You must have been head over heels for the little cerebral princess. I had to buy my own skull rings (with pop bottle deposits) because there were no dashing young Romeos to buy them for me. 🙂
;>)
That is one charming story, I am glad you shared it. Have an amazing day, Mitch Teemly!
Thank you, Yana, you too!
❤️. Just the kind of read I needed this evening. How darling!
Thanks, Kelli, 🧡
You read a story like this, and your mind suddenly races back in time. As the years flutter by in your mind, there is a pause, and suddenly…… there she is again.
Three days may not sound like much, but in childhood years, that’s practically a long-term relationship. 😊
Good point, Rakesh. ;>)
😊
Such a sweet story! 🙂 I take it the picture shown–was not actually the picture of your clubhouse–since you only met twice–and in Jeff’s garage–and that doesn’t look like a garage. Plus, I’m thinking if you all would have built your own clubhouse, you would have met more than twice. 🙂 Still–it’s a great lead in for the real story–of how you liked the ladies! 🙂
Thanks, Katie❣
Oh my goodness, Mitch! I laughed out loud! Totally forgot about the “He Man Women Haters Club! Kind of like the “Girls Have Cooties Club” my brothers had when we were growing up. We spent the entire summer trying to infiltrate it and they, defending it!
That’s hilarious, Jennifer!
Eve in the Garden of Eden? With a chessboard in her hands? Whatever happened to the apple? 🙂
;>)
My first grade love was the first day of school. He had blond hair and blue eyes and a white button down shirt. At recess a chase/hide and go seek/ tag game started and I chased him. As he rounded the corner I grabbed his sleeve and the button came off. He kept going and I looked in my hand and thought uh oh and dropped it. I believe that was the length of our romance – half a first grade day… sigh
The Button. It’s a Hallmark movie just begging to be made, Susie! ;>)
This reads like a humorous and nostalgic reflection on childhood memories, capturing the playful innocence of early social ideas and how they change with experience.
3rd grade old and three days. That is a really long time 😁
Exactly, Iba. I mean, three days later? Heck, we were different people by then. ;>)
Haha…I love this post. Good memories, Mitch.
Thank you, Iman❣
Yep! Me too!
🙂
Haha what a wholesome post! My first “boyfriend” was in fourth grade. I beat him up because he wouldn’t stop tormenting me on the playground! The next day he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I broke up with him a week later because I was still very annoyed with him. Hahaha.
Ah, true love. ;>)
Great read! And related so engaging lyrics 😀 ( I notice at this point my predictive text/emoji saw fit to throw up an image of what it considered to be an engagement 💍 👈👈ring!😅
;>)