My Real Memoir
Sometime during my pre-teen years, I discovered a magical place that combined two of my favorite things: Wheels and Girls. I lived on wheels; if I wasn’t on my bike, I was on my skateboard. I liked skates but had never ridden anything but the metal clamp-on kind that virtually doubled my bodyweight and rolled a quarter of a mile an hour. So, no, I was faithful to my skateboard, and couldn’t imagine cheating on it with some cheap, tawdry pair of skates.
But then I discovered The Roller Rink! There was one near me, and it not only had a smooth wooden floor, it had special rental booties with professional-ish looking rubbery wheels built right onto them! Plus, they played music while we skated–the same groovy rock-n-roll that authentic card-carrying teenagers listened to!
Aaaaannnnd … there were Girls there. Lots of ’em! In fact, they actually outnumbered the guys. My buddies and I liked those odds. What odds? Why, the odds of scoring with a real life girl. And by “scoring” I mean, hubba-hubba, you know, having an actual conversation!
The problem was, they were moving. Fast. So you couldn’t actually talk to them. I could at least smile at one, I thought. But to do that I’d have to get up a head of steam, skate past her, and then look back with a devilish grin. That would make me pretty cool, right? But then I tried it and did a Wile E. Coyote right into the roller rink wall. So I lost face (both figuratively and literally), not so cool, and immediately abandoned the practice.
The Hokey Pokey to the rescue! I thought the song was dorky. But I liked mockingly singing along while we all skated to the center of the rink, and then did the motions together–putting our left skatey-foot in and shaking it all about, etc. Why? Because every time I did it all goofy and snarky-like, some sophisticated 11 or 12-year-old girl would giggle and think I was, you know, cool! I even ended up talking (briefly) to a cute redhead who’d smiled at me. I finally scored with a girl!
A few years later, after my hambone had exploded along with my hormones, I evolved into a full-blown Drama Nerd, and discovered William Shakespeare. I not only loved his language (still do), but found I had a gift for Shakespeare-izing stuff, making everyday phrases sound like something the immortal Bard himself might have said back when he was trying to impress girls at the Stratford-on-Avon Roller Rink in 1597. I now knew two ways to get girls’ attention! And that, as Will says,
’tis what it is all about!
My Real Memoir is a series. To read the next one, click here.
Cute 🙂
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Somehow, the Shakespearized Hokey Pokey doesn’t have the same fun vibe as the original.
Shakespeare definitely created a lot of nerds for the literary world 🙂
He did indeed! ;>)
Cute Mitch! The roller rink was a hot spot (located on the 2nd floor above the grocery store) in our little Iowa town during the 50’s & 60’s. Learning to skate effortlessly was essential in order to flirt while gliding…
Yep. Although I never mastered that art.
Between you and America on Coffee, it’s quite the synchronicity with my potentially forthcoming batch of horosopes! *smiles*
I lived at the roller rink too. I loved the lights and the music and the boys who might ask me to skate for couples only songs. It was an era for sure. Now most boys would be hanging out at the video arcade leaving the girls to ask, “Wherefore art thou?”—that was strictly off-limits in my time unless you were an adult. Im certain this rule encouraged so many “scores” as you called it, for sure!
Thanks for the memory, Mitch
My pleasure, Debi, and thanks for sharing a few of your own memories.
I lived at the roller rink and did the hokey pokey, too. I thought I’d be a skating pro when I grew up. 😂
as for a 13 year old o in year 59 & 84 o 1840s o back in 72
Wow your writing is amazing
Thank you!
And The Bard was amazing at eloquent insults: who needs swear words when you can say “I do desire that we may be better strangers”? (Wait, does this qualify me as a nerd? 🙂 )
:>)
I love hearing about your life, Mitch. SO CUTE. I love thinking of you skating around to your favourite tunes and feeling pleased to smile at girls. The innocence of this post is so wholesome and sweet <3
Aw, thanks, Janet (he smiles wholesomely ;>).
Hubby and I grew up roller skating and went to the rink at least every week, probably for the same reasons you did! I really miss it. I’d still be there if I could find a rink within a 100 miles of us. 🙂
Yeah, they’re pretty few and far between these days.
Love it! If I were still teaching Shakespearw, I would definitely share this with my students. Probably also have them doeth dance forthwith. 😏😉🙄
;>)
Ahhh, the memories. Unfortunately, most of them bad. Skates and I were not poetry in motion. Most of the girls wanted to dance on skates…..and I could not even stay of my feet on skates.
If only you had learned to skate backwards!! If I’d have had a young nerd Shakespeare-izing stuff to me at the roller rink, I’d have been head over heels (probably literally)…
;>)
If a challenge tries to get you down, give it the old hokey pokey. Shake it all about and turn yourself around. That’s what it’s all about!
Shakespeare Hokey-Pokey! Love it, I do. You may guess from that comment that back in the late 70s, my friends and I came up with “Yodaspeare” – translating The Bard into Yoda-ese. Fun. It was! Much time wasted, we did! May the Fourth be with you!! 🤣
;>) Thee, Nancy, I do thank.
Mine the pleasure all be-ith 😎
Methinks thou dost storytell well.
Aww, thanks, Nancy.
An enjoyable read… except for your Wile E. Coyote moment.
Thanks for stirring up some fond memories of my own bee-bopping around the rink. I adored my pink fluffy fur balls, resembling cotton candy, tied at the bottom of my laces – but also recognized the splendor of changing out the colors every now and then to attract potential new attention. 😉 Hubba-hubba!
Hubba-hubba indeed, Dawn. ;>)
Sorry to say, I was the guy who could skate backwards better than most of the people could forwards, but I spent more time making my not-so-skilled-skater friends look silly (how many times did I turn my best friend into Wile E. Coyote by blocking his ability to turn before the wall?) than using that skill to my advantage during couples’ skates.
If it’s any comfort, I’m sure you would still beat me in the quoting Shakespeare department.
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Roller skating is my hobby! I enjoyed reading this ✨
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