Photo courtesy of Leicester Mercury
My Real Memoir
I asked my wife whether I should publicly share this hidden nugget from my childhood. Being pseudo-famous, I find it wise to ask my very private wife (she does sometimes go out in public) when to share such paparazzi-fodder. Her reply? “Be delicate.”
I had a “hernia operation” when I was seven. Or six. Or five. We moved when I was seven, so it somehow seems like my entire early childhood happened “when I was seven.”
It wasn’t my first trip to Hospital (I regularly visited the ER), but it was my first sleep-over! So I was kinda nervous. But mostly super-excited.
There were super-bright lights, and then they put a mask on my face, and then…
I woke up in a big bed with all kinds of neato buttons and handles, just like Captain Nemo’s submarine!
Nurse Sandy and Dr. Doctor visited me a lot. I was pretty sure Nurse Sandy was in love with me because she looked at me with big lovey-eyes. Hospital was kinda like heaven. I got tons of Jell-O, read kid’s books with Nurse Sandy, and walked around looking into other people’s rooms. Only when I walked, it kinda hurt down there–where I’d had my hernia operation.
But mostly I felt super-happy. Especially when they hooked me back up to the big bag. They even set off fireworks to celebrate my going home! Well, that and it might have been the 4th of July.
My operation was sorta goofy. It left a big scar down there and—this is the goofy part—a rubber band through (this is the thing my wife told me to be “delicate” about) my hangy parts. I was told to be super-careful not to break the rubber band.
But I did.
Mommandad thought I was gonna have to have another hernia operation, but Dr. Doctor said, “No, he’ll be OK.” And I pretty much was.
When I was big, Mom told me my “hernia” was actually an orchioplexy, an operation boys have when one of their ball-bearings doesn’t “descend” to their hangy parts. It can lower their chance of having kids later (not when they’re a kid, silly). But not me.
I had two super-duper ones!
I also had a different kind of “hernia operation” on purpose, after having kids. But this time there was no Jell-O. :>(
And no rubber band. :>)
My Real Memoir is a series. To read the next one, click here.
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Gosh, you even make surgeries fun! (delicate appreciated)
Reblogged this on Love & Love Alone.
And that, is about as “delicate” as one could possibly make it! Nice job Mitch!
Thanks, Bruce. Writing it in kid-mode helped.
Wise decision!
The way you talk about the hospital reminds me of when my older brother had his tonsils out and talked about all the ice cream, etc. I wanted in, so I had my tonsils out and was too sick to enjoy the ice cream.
Not fair!
I grew up in the shadow of an older brother, so my whole life was one big “not fair!”
I must confess that I’ve had no surgeries to speak of. With the exception of a few teeth and a part that is normally removed on male children, I have everything I was born with, haven’t suffered any significant injuries (surprisingly), and haven’t ever had the joy of being knocked out for anything. That may change in the near future, as I have a torn meniscus, but nothing is set in stone. The way you describe your experience, it must have been all kinds of fun to have nearly free run of the place. 😂
In my memory, at any rate, Jimmy. In reality, who knows?
It’s likely they didn’t allow you free run, you just went on your own and scared a few years off the end of that nurse’s life. 😂 That’s how children tend to be.
Haha. This was cute and funny too. I’m glad you survived to tell the story and of course, that you were able to help gift the world two mini yous!
;>) Thanks, Tre.
You’re welcome!
I first wondered why such a young guy would have a hernia operation…LOL. I’m so glad those hernias didn’t hold you hostage in life, Mitch. I laughed ever so delicately at this. 😁
Delicate laughter appreciated, Karla. ;>)
Absolutely! 🙂😉
You do have a way with words. lol
Your secret is safe on the Internet. 👍 Glad everything turned out ok!
“Safe on the Internet.” ;>) A classic oxymoron.
So humorously told! And it was delicate.
This is hilarious. I had my tonsils out when I was about 10 from constant sore throats. Had to stay overnight. When mom picked me up from the hospital, she asked where I wanted to eat, thinking a quick stop for an ice cream sundae (I was warned not to use a straw). But I was hungry for a hamburger and French fries! Mom disagreed but stopped at our local restaurant for her youngest spoiled brat. I ate every bite and every stinking fry on my plate. The sore throat post surgery wasn’t anything compared to the ones I’d suffered before the tonsils were removed. Great writing…
Thank you, Neese, and happy to hear your torturous tonsils are long gone.
Oh, my!😅🤣😂
💜 No More Medical ‘Experts’ and Dentists póùr móìs tóús lé èt lá mòndè; Too Much DAMAGE!!!
…💛💚💙…
? So, no doctors?
💜 Yup; feeling much better for a Lack of Leeches
…💛💚💙…
Welcome to it, my friend. I’ll stick with a world, as imperfect as it may be, that includes doctors and modern medicine.
Tastefully written! ❤️
Thank you.
“They even set off fireworks to celebrate my going home! Well, that and it might have been the 4th of July.” That is so funny.
🤣🤣🤣TMI for sure!
;>)
OUCH!!!!!!!
Sometimes it’s a real pain being an empath. 😉
😁 very delicate!
💜 Leeches Generally Mean Well; unfortunately Many Leeches ARE Only Interested (pun definitely intended) in Profit…for example a Doctor, reportedly, said “Take the cancer treatment, you’re gonna die anyway because there is no cure and I need the money.”; what this sez about a Financially, Sexually Obsessed Human Race I am UnSure, what I AM Able to Say is that Love seems Subservient to Sex and Money
…💛💚💙…
There are different types of hernia.
you left off when you were nine
I haven’t gotten there yet, Rudy.
what was life at nine
Laughed too hard about the dangly bits and am embarrassed to admit it. My youngest had embarrassingly large dangly bits ( hernia in a bad spot) that had to be repaired when he was 2 1/2. Unused to hold him up by his feet to get it back Into place before the surgery. Life with kids is fun !
No Jell-O? 🙁
Oh well, maybe your super-duper kids will make you some for Father’s Day.
That would be neato! (Actually, I’m a bit less enamored with Jell-O these days, Annie. I tend to prefer harder-to-pronounce treats).
Isn’t it funny how those childhood experiences stick with us? I’m glad your operation went well, both when you were a child and as an adult. My husband recently had a tumor removed from his colon, and while they “were in there,” they also removed his hernia. I guess he was lucky that they did a “two for one?”
Definitely!
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Hi Mitch,
I got it. I am like you, I don’t mind honesty, but those are moments that we don’t forget.
Thank you,
Gary
Lol!!! 🤣🤣🤣 I keep trying to think about what to comment but then I start laughing again. 🤣🤣🤣 This reminds me of all the stories I heard on the various army bases I’ve lived on….only more delicate. 😂🙌🏻👍🏻
Probably a LOT more delicate, I’m guessing, Yael. ;>)
My dad died of Covid in December. Before he passed my siblings sent me a brief video of his child-like self ‘in hospital’ pushing buttons and looking around at at all the fun gadgetry. If he’d lived to tell about it, he’d tell a happy tale like this one. But that’ll have to wait till the other side… Thanks for sharaing.
Oh, Hannah, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. But praying for your joyful reunion, as you say, on the other side. Blessings.
I hope I have such a sense of humor after my hernia operation. I am not a hospital person. 😥
I’m not sure I would be now either, Anne Marie.