We’re all-out streamers now. But back in the day, we’d switch cable or satellite providers every time our “new customer offer” ended. I’d be matter-of-fact at first. But then, when I said no to their “we’ll doing anything to keep you!” pitch, they’d resort to insults and threats. Warning: The “transcript” below is slightly exaggerated and a bit rude. But I think it captures the spirit of those conversations:
TSP (Television Service Provider): How may I help you?
Me: I’d like to cancel my TV service.
TSP: Are you breaking up with us?
Me: Excuse me?
TSP: May I ask why you’ve decided to discontinue your service?
Me: Well, I had an offer from a competitor that–
TSP: Whore!
Me: Um, I beg your pardon?
TSP: We would like the opportunity to prove we’re the superior provider, sir.
Me: But I’ve already–
TSP: We can do things that skank would never dream of.
Me: I’m sorry?
TSP: If you re-subscribe today, we will promise to beat our competitor’s rates.
Me: Well, you see, they’ve already installed their system, so–
TSP: So you’ve been running around behind our back?
Me: What?
TSP: If you’d notified us in advance, sir, we would have done everything necessary to retain your loyalty.
Me: Yeah, well, sorry, but it’s kind of a done deal.
TSP: Do you know how lucky you are to have been with someone like us?
Me: Well, I didn’t think that–
TSP: We are the fastest growing service provider in your area.
Me: Well, maybe, but–
TSP: I hate you, you selfish son-of-a–
Me: Oh, yeah? Well, the fact is I never loved you! I just told you I did so you’d put out a better signal, babe! Truth is, I was ashamed to be seen watching you!
TSP: Excuse me?
Me: I’m sorry, but we’ve decided to go another way.
TSP: Thank you for calling today, sir.
Me: You’re welcome.
TSP: You’re dead to me, bae!
Me: Excuse me?
Dial tone.
I’m shocked Mitch. You cheater! Ha ha, funny and exactly what goes through my mind when I have one of these conversations. 🤣🤣🤣
;>)
Love it!
Somebody, no idea who, got behind with payments on his telephone service. For some unknown reason they continued phoning me. I explained that I was a fully paid customer, but they kept asking me about this unknown telephone usurper. I went to the central office to complain. I counted the calls, well over a hundred. if persistence without hope is a virtue, they should be sainted.
!!!
Lol, I’ve been there
LOL this is so true!! I’ve had way too many conversations like that🥴
You’re not far off the mark, Mitch. I remember when we asked a provider if we could tweak the channels we received since there were so many we didn’t watch. They said no, so we switched. This initiated their groveling calls to accommodate our wishes at a reduced price. Too late. 🙂
Yep!
cora
😂🤣😁
😂🤣😆 They can get a little E X T R A. Lol.
This gave me a laugh. Not in your words but my experiences with them came close. It feels good to be rid of them.
🤣🤣
Are you kidding? That is the conversation was going? Sounds very professionel… OMG! You made the best decision to change the provider, Mitch!
;>)
i am sad at cora i reported her post
🙈
Streaming is so much better anyway!
They’re definitely working out the kinks.
https://youtu.be/UQLMWszydrA?si=ptVkRGWlQBxHIVkT
;>)
Sounds familiar. I constantly get calls from folks over in India and Pakistan using “spook” phone numbers that appear to be a local call. They all want the same thing, my Medicare and SS info, to which I tell them to eat ….. and die, most of those conversations don’t end well, for either of us. I had one like yours with Spectrum Cable some years ago.
Yeah…. that’s oretty much ever conbo I had with Verizon phone plan reps, and why I’ll never do business with them again.
I sympathize, Leenda!
Ha ha ha. This transcript is only a slight exaggeration.
Cool pic of Alexandria at the end there!😂 (Yeah, you know which one.)
99% of the time, the best deals go to new customers. How heartening it is to see an occasional company who rewards loyalty with the better deals! Love the post, Mitch! 💕
Thanks, Cheryl!
Even though exaggerated, this is so typical of when you want to break up with any tech service. We get excellent rates from Sirius Radio every year because, several years ago, when we called in to cancel, one of their own suggested a work-around. So far, it’s worked every single year when it’s time to renew.
Insider tips are worth their weight in gold!
I learned to say no to Sirius’ first 2 offers. The 3rd was always ridiciously low!
That wasn’t our advice, but if that works too … great!
I just read that they can’t offer all specials but willgive them if asked directly. Current best price looks like $2.99/mo for 36 months!
You have no idea what that offer caused me in terms of mathematical calculations! 🤯… Divide by 3 to get yearly cost. .. Convert from USD to CDN (assuming you’re in the US) … Check our last bill .. BINGO… we have a little below that rate … whew!!! Maybe it’s because we’re with Sirius Canada 🤷♀️
Oops, I forgot the step of multiplying by 36 to get the 3 yr rate and “then” dividing by 3 for the annual rate. As I said … 🤯
I know I’ve gotten them down to $1.99 USD/mo, but I dropped the service when I stopped driving to/from work. My commutes wer sometimes 2hrs each way and the comedy channels were essential to my sanity! Now I drive about 2hrs/week.
Very funny. I love my conversations with ISPs like I love leprosy.
;>)
Amazon has the worse customer service.
Ha! I have had some similar conversations. They don’t bother till we want to change providers and then they hound you. But I have moved on
That was hilarious!
Thanks, Nancy!
🤭🤭
Haha! Too funny!
Thanks, Priscilla!
😂🤣😂🤣
🤣🤣🤣
Best thing I’ve read all day 😅
;>)
Sadly, that’s where telephone manners and professionalism have gone. It’s not all that exaggerated.
Thanks
This is so funny! Loved reading it
Thanks!
Same, same with streaming providers.
Breakups are hard 🤣
;>)
Funny.
Thanks, Hod.
I love this! Haha!
Thanks, Beth!
You are welcome, Mitch!