Unexpected Benefits

Posted on May 21, 2026 by mitchteemley
Unexpected BenefitsAARP Member Benefits Update

When I Turned Fifty

Unexpected benefits began to materialize. I received discount offers on walkers, power-lift recliners, walk-in bathtubs, and other things I so desperately needed at that advanced age. And when I joined the AARP (the American Association of Retired Persons) I started receiving regular Benefits Updates. Still, this one surprised me: Two days ago, I received the unexpected benefit of learning exactly…

How long I had left to live.

ζ

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
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55 Responses to Unexpected Benefits

  1. Dana at Regular Girl Devos says:
    May 21, 2026 at 11:52 am

    Mitch, I read where there are grace periods depending on storage! You could easily add five years if you were canned! 😁

    Reply
  2. Ionia Froment says:
    May 21, 2026 at 11:53 am

    I started getting mail from them at 30. 😂

    Reply
  3. peterspetra says:
    May 21, 2026 at 12:01 pm

    When I was about 40, the very young shop assistant of a perfumery offered me a small tube of anti-ageing cream for free… I have never returned to that shop for more than 30 years now…

    Reply
  4. Mya says:
    May 21, 2026 at 12:08 pm

    This is hilarious. I actually laughed out loud sitting at my desk! I hope that’s not true and I’m going to check my card now!

    Reply
  5. Edward Ortiz says:
    May 21, 2026 at 1:08 pm

    😂 That’s funny. You’d better get all the discounts you can then. I use mine at McAlister’s all the time. I need to check my expiration date and eat a few more sandwiches just in case.

    Reply
  6. Under the mask.. says:
    May 21, 2026 at 1:58 pm

    😆 Mitch, I was already laughing when I got to your comments section.😆 You guys!💛 (I was asked if I qualified for a senior discount in the same week I was later carded for a six-pack!🤔.. did I need to go a L’Oreal shade lighter, or NOT?)

    Reply
  7. ktz2 says:
    May 21, 2026 at 2:28 pm

    Once upon a time, on my 35th birthday I was carded buying beer at the market. . that was nice –then the very next day I got unsolicited ‘mail inviting me’ to subscribe to AARP. . .ahaha

    Reply
  8. George Raymond says:
    May 21, 2026 at 2:35 pm

    My condolences.

    Reply
  9. Gail Perry says:
    May 21, 2026 at 2:57 pm

    They’re freezing people, you know. Then there’s no expiry date. Unless there happens to be a significant power outage.😉

    Reply
  10. Nancy Homlitas says:
    May 21, 2026 at 4:09 pm

    Haha! I hope you prove them wrong, Mitch. 🌹🪦🌹😪

    Reply
  11. Anonymous says:
    May 21, 2026 at 4:25 pm

    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XDXDXDXD

    Reply
  12. Ab says:
    May 21, 2026 at 5:30 pm

    Better make the most of the walk in bath now!

    Reply
  13. Carolina Mom says:
    May 21, 2026 at 6:13 pm

    Funny! I hope that’s not true. 😂

    Reply
  14. robstroud says:
    May 21, 2026 at 9:01 pm

    Enjoy your final lustrum, brother..

    Reply
  15. Bronlima says:
    May 21, 2026 at 9:22 pm

    Well, that means there are still a lot of posts to come.

    Reply
  17. Vanya Wryter Consulting says:
    May 22, 2026 at 1:48 am

    Funny! Where can I look for my Exp Date?

    Reply
  18. Fifienne says:
    May 22, 2026 at 2:43 am

    I think this was just the trial period. The full version unlocks in 2031 🙂

    Reply
  19. Gerry Palermo says:
    May 22, 2026 at 7:29 am

    Update the bucket list for sure!

    Reply
  20. Todd R says:
    May 22, 2026 at 4:56 pm

    Funny! Comedian Steven Wright had a joke about an expiration date on his birth certificate, but this is even better

    Reply
  21. Andi says:
    May 23, 2026 at 7:22 am

    That’s too funny! 😂 I’m sure we all have something in our pantry with an expired date. Still good! You have nothing to worry about. 😉

    Reply
  22. Andi says:
    May 23, 2026 at 7:24 am

    You could load yourself up on Twinkies. They never go bad I hear.

    Reply
  23. Terry says:
    May 23, 2026 at 7:45 am

    Oh my, lol.

    Reply
  24. Anonymous says:
    May 23, 2026 at 8:50 am

    Ugh. Someone in the marketing department needs to lose their posting privileges

    Reply
  25. M. says:
    May 23, 2026 at 11:33 am

    Ouch 🫣😅

    Reply
  26. Norma says:
    May 23, 2026 at 12:57 pm

    🤣 Is funny, God bless you, long life dear Mitch.

    Reply
  27. tidalscribe.com says:
    May 23, 2026 at 8:47 pm

    You can’t Unsee such information but you can ignore it.

    Reply
  29. ibarynt says:
    May 24, 2026 at 10:33 pm

    Oh, that is a little too exact.

    Reply
  30. bernadette massiah says:
    May 27, 2026 at 7:30 pm

    I could not wait to reach my mother’s age. And now, must be early Alzheimer 🙂 because every day of the first week I forget thus missing out on my discounts. 🙂

    Reply

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