Photo by Carina Chen

Thought for the Week: How to Answer Kids’ Toughest Questions

Who created Stonehenge? Or the statues at Easter Island? How were the pyramids built (and were Legos involved)? All great mysteries. But the greatest mystery of all is, “How do we answer kids’ toughest questions?”

Here are some challenging examples:

• “Why don’t crabs have eyebrows?” (/u/Gao_tie)
• (From a 5-year-old boy) “Mom…my belly hurts…am I pregnant?” (/u/I_Climb_Most_Things)
• “How do I know that I’m real and not just a dream of someone else?” (/u/thinwhiteduke99)
• “Why did swear words get invented if we’re not allowed to say them?”
• “Why are you buying beer, Dad? Do you know how much candy we could get with that money?”
• “How did people make the first tools, if they didn’t have any tools?” (/u/word_nerd7623)
• “Do (babies) know they’re alive yet?” (username deleted)
• “What did it feel like on your last day of being a child?”
• “Why do we have to be born young and grow old, why can’t we be born old and get young?” (@KellyRocks)
• Kid: “Why are we here, Daddy?” (asked while sitting in a restaurant)
  Dad: “Well, we’re here to have lunch!”
  Kid: “No, no. Why are we here ON THIS EARTH?” (/u/kateysomething)

To help you in your quest, here are some rather dubious answers from Charles at morepotatoes.com:

• Why do people die? “Mostly to avoid paying off their student loans.”
• Why do I have to eat my vegetables? “If you don’t show the members of the plant kingdom who’s boss, shrubs will start pushing you around because they’ll have no respect for you.”
• Why do I have to go to school? “Because state law forbids my chaining you to a tree in the backyard while I go to work.”
• What is that dog doing to that other dog? “When two dogs really love each other they…no… Well, it’s a lot like college wrestling, except…no…it’s actually exactly like college wrestling.”
• If you die, who will I live with? “As is customary, you will be mummified and buried with me, so that you can continue to be my child in the afterlife.”

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