Image by Izhar Ahamed
My Real Memoir
I felt like a primordial planet with a molten heart and ever-shifting continents. What shape would I eventually take? I didn’t know. I only knew that my Creator was still molding me.
In September of 1977, my church screened a film series entitled How Should We Then Live? It was based on a book by Francis Schaeffer, one of the most influential theologians of the 20th century. Time magazine had labelled him an “evangelist to the intellectuals.” Like me, he’d crawled through a minefield of philosophical doubts to reach a rational faith.
I learned that Schaeffer led a teaching community high in the Swiss Alps. It was called L’Abri, “The Shelter.” Captivated by the thought of breathing in spiritual truths amid clean Alpine air, I determined to visit L’Abri someday.
In the meantime, I decided to create my own little retreat in the local San Bernardino Mountains where, ironically, I’d first begun to doubt God’s existence. In fact, I planned to take the same trail my summer camp group had followed to the top of Old Greyback, Southern California’s highest peak.
And so, on Columbus Day weekend, I borrowed my actor/director friend Theo’s backpack, and headed for the heights.
I soon learned two things in quick succession: 1) The main trail to the top of Old Greyback was closed; 2) Seasoned hikers carry elevation-indicating topographical maps for a reason.
The alternative trail I chose took me to a pristine meadow at the base of Old Greyback. And from there it was a mile to the peak. Just one mile. Straight up. I laughed. A deer stared in disbelief as I tilted my head back—way back—to see my destination. “I know,” I said, “I’m crazy.” Then I drank from a spring-fed brook. Sang. Laughed some more. And decided to go for it.
The next morning, I resumed my hike. Correction, climb. After a muscle-tearing, sweat-sucking two hours, I saw that the ground above me finally levelled off. Aha! A trail! Not exactly. The moment I put my hand on it, my fingers curled over the other side. It was a razor-topped ridge no more than five or six inches wide. I carefully pulled myself up, and straddled it like a sawhorse.
With a 500 foot drop on either side, my life could end any moment. If any bit of the ridge should give way, there’d be nothing I could do. My anxiety flared up. If I just leaned to the left... Then, suddenly, I felt giddily free. The scene was indescribable, unworldly. It was as if I had a quantum view of reality and could see life from all sides at once. “I don’t know if you put me here or I put myself here,” I told my Creator. “I only know my life is in your hands—right where it should be. If I die, I’ll be with you. And if I live, I’ll know it’s for a reason.”
Either prospect was exhilarating.
I survived a twenty-minute ridge-hugging shimmy to the nearest hillside. Then managed to half-stumble, half-climb my way through six hours of impromptu switchbacks. Finally, fingers raw and toes bubbling with blisters, I found the topmost stretch of the Old Greyback trail. I arrived at the peak near dusk. The darkling sunset and distant city lights were beautiful, but anticlimactic. I’d already found the reason I came.
I was alive, and there was a plan. Only God knew what it was. But it certainly involved more than just making a living. Churchill had said, “We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” I wanted to give what I was sent to give.
Christmas came, and I kept inviting God into family conversations. Afterward, Mom took me aside and advised me not to get “too into” my newfound faith. “Mom,” I replied, “Jesus said he was ‘the way, the truth, and the life.’ You can’t get ‘too into’ the way, the truth, and the life.”
How should I then live?
My Real Memoir is a series. To read the next one, click here.
That was epic, Mitch! Your story reminds me of my hiking in Peru.
Climbing mountains is my favorite life metaphor! It’s tough, unpredictable, and delightfully dangerous!
I get that, and thanks, Aline. 🧡
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When God meets us at the top of our doubt, love it! ~ Rosie
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Hiking…erm…climbing. Great discription and story.
Thanks, Tom.
Mitch, thank you for this. I have a grandson who is struggling… he’s a deep thinker, reads the Bible, fights depression, but sees God as out to get him. He is not a big reader these days…all I could think of today was Francis Schaefer’s Escape From Reason. I’m going to forward this post to his mom. Thank you.
Sending Christmas blessings to you and yours. (I’m so grateful for my faithful blogging friends. Such amazing, unexpected connections🙏✨)
Likewise, and Merry Christmas, Deborah❣
I can identify with some of that, my own experience with God came to a bottleneck when he revealed himself to me. Pray for that for your grandson, that God will reveal himself and claim him as his own, and he will know that God has always loved him.
Wow, that was thrilling to read! Reminds me of Kevin Bacon’s mountain-climb in The Air Up There.
Thanks, Abe!
That sounds like a nailbiter of a climb that gave you solace. Merry Christmas, Mitch! 🙂
You too, Nancy❣
very beautifull pic 👌
Reminds me of Robert Frost’s poem… but in class I delve deeper with them and talk about how Frost actually said in the poem that you don’t know what the difference is until you’ve gone through it. Sometimes I think we come to judgment about things without going through it… or in your case taking a crazy path that allowed you to face your doubts. Have a wonderful Christmas!
You too, Jamey! And stay on that less-travelled road.
Happy Christmas 🎄
Likewise, Silvia!
We are all works in progress. Even in my old age, I’m finding answers to questions I’ve had all my life. God uses each of us in His own way to build His kingdom. You are doing your part through your talents. That is our most important task while dwelling on His earth. Merry Christmas, Mitch to you and your family. It’s been a pleasure getting to know you this year.
Likewise, dear friend. 🧡
Feliz Navidad para toda la familia 🎁🤍♥️🎄
Igualmente, Norma❣
Y feliz Navidad para ti y los tuyos, Norma❣
Wow!! Your real memoirs are so inspiring, Mitch! You so much for writing and sharing. This was an amazing post, and an amazing experience.
Thank you so much, Lisa.
Very nice.
Thanks, Tom.
God certainly meets us where we are. “I wanted to give what I was sent to give.” Me too.
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I love the Churchill quote. Merry Christmas to you and yours. Hugs.
Thank you, Teagan. Merry Christmas and hugs back.
Merry Christmas,Mitch
Thank you, Nusrat.
“Jesus said he was ‘the way, the truth, and the life.’ You can’t be ‘too into’ the way, the truth, and the life.” Funny. True Mitch, mom was right. You have to be balance.
I read Edith Schaeffer’s The Tapestry about their lives and L’Abri. They were people with life-shaping ministry. God bless and merry Christmas, Mitch!
I’ve heard of Edith’s book, Nancy, but never got around to reading it. May need to do that. And Merry Christmas to your too, dear friend❣
You took me on that climb Mitch. God continues to give us moments to be in awe of Him. I look forward to your memoir.
He does indeed. And thank you, Iba.
I remember so much about the Schaeffers…they were such a force in their time. I hardly hear of them anymore! So glad they influenced you also.
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When you put me on that narrow ridge, I felt it. My knees weakened and I felt like the was no way down.
I really appreciate the way you tell of your experience.
I think it takes moments like that to help us lock in to God.
I agree, Pete. And thank you.