Thought for the Week
My wife and I just celebrated our 39th anniversary. Does that make this a bad time to tell her I’m in love with someone else? I mean, when an ex-friend introduced his wife to the woman he was leaving her for…while his wife was in the hospital…with their newborn child…I earnestly hoped he’d be hit by a bus. But my case is different.
Honest.
Let me explain. Over forty years ago, I met a smart, beautiful girl with English pottery skin, chestnut hair, and unfathomable green eyes. I was crazy about her. In due time we became not just lovers, but best friends. Yes, I know it’s a cliché, but it was true; no one had ever known me the way she did.
But that was then, this is now. I was a different man then, and the girl I married suited me then, loved me and cared for me with all her heart. But in time I came to need someone who understood the person I’d become.
Would it surprise you to learn that the girl I’ve fallen for is not a young hottie? To the contrary, she’s an older woman who’s experienced the right-handed shattering of dreams, the left-handed appearance of joys, and so many of the things I’ve been through. She understands me in ways the woman I married never could. Our love is deeper, more all-encompassing. Far from disliking the delicate lines around her eyes, I never tire of caressing them. And although her hair is a lovely mahogany, left to its own devices it would be tinged with silver. Oh, and would it surprise you to learn that my wife has also fallen in love with someone else?
By now you may have ferreted out my National Enquirer-ish ruse: the girl I married and the older woman I just described are the same person.
And yet they’re not.
The famous anthropologist Margaret Mead laid the groundwork for our modern “enlightened” views of love by declaring that marriage to the same person one’s whole life was inherently joyless, and that people should marry at least three times–like she did. She apparently never figured out that no one stays married to the same person their whole life.
I wake up next to a different woman every day (print that, National Enquirer!), and she wakes up next to a different man. Which is part of what I love about being married. And part of what’s so challenging about it!
A friend once told me after his first child was born, “Our marriage isn’t about us anymore; it’s about him (the baby).” It sounded so selfless. Selfless and fatal. I knew that moment that his marriage was doomed (they divorced five years later). Our children have thanked us dozens of times for tenaciously loving each other. In fact, it’s probably the greatest gift we ever gave them.
So, Happy Anniversary to the wonderful woman I’m with, and to all the women she’s been. I love you, Trudy Teemley! But fair warning, darling: any day now I’ll be falling for a new woman, one who’s a little older than you and has…
Unfathomable green eyes.
(Note: This piece is available as a dramatized scene. To download it, click here.)
Happy Anniversary and many more years of love to come!
Thank you, Rasma!
Happy Anniversary!!
Thank you, Linda Marie!
Lovely love story. Happy anniversary to you and Trudy, Mitch. God bless you both. 🙂
Thank you so much, Nancy.
happy anniversary <3
Thanks, Beth.
Thank you, Beth.
Beautifully done. Hats off to you, sir.
Thanks, Ken.
Thanks, Ken.
That’s a great piece! Happy Anniversary to you both. 🙂
Thank you, Cee Tee!
Love this post, probably almost as much as you love Trudy! Just like God’s compassions are new every morning, so must ours be as we wake up to deeper love each morning. Happy anniversary, lovebirds.❤️😍
Thank you, and amen, Gail.
I knew it! I’m on to you, Mitch Teemley – you scoundrel! Happy Anniversary!
And yes – I agree – my husband and I have changed together even without having children. We keep evolving together – 40 years in February.
;>) And Happy Anniversary on your upcoming 4oth, Joanne!
That was a very nice and clever post with lots of wisdom. One of the best posts I’ve read in a long time. Happy anniversary to the both of you.
Thank you so much, Thomas.
Happy Anniversary!! ❤️
Thanks, T!!
I love this take on lifelong marriages. Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on your 39th!
Thank you, Tracy!
What a gift for both of you to continue to grow and change and remain in love. Blessings to you both.
Thank you, Mary.
Wishing you both a very happy anniversary! Such a great love story.💕😊❤️
Thank you, Sally.
I love this, Mitch. Kudos to you and Trudy!
Aw, thank you, Ruth!
Happy Anniversary to you both. What a beautiful and thought-provoking post!
Thank you, Sandy!
Happy anniversary! Hope the two of you keep on meeting new and interesting lovers for decades to come.
;>) Thanks, Robert.
We’ve known each other 50 years. There have been some changes along the way, but the true, genuine persons we were in 1974 are still there. We definitely love the changes along the way (except for that heart condition and the migraine, and now a small tumor that wants to create havoc) as we’ve grown old together. Even though we share so much history, we keep learning something new about one another on a regular basis. Sounds like you and the women you’ve loved have a similar path.
Right you are, DK.
Mitch, did you post this on your last anniversary? It seems very familiar. I read so many blog posts, and I don’t remember very many of them, but this one was memorable. <3
Hi Annie. I posted this five years ago, so, yes, you undoubtedly did read it before. Our anniversary this year was, if anything, even more of reminder of how much I love this ever-changing woman God has blessed me to do life with.
Love it! True, when you’re together that long, there will be a lot of changes, a lot of adventures, and (with God’s help) a lot of growth. To answer the question, “Don’t you get tired of being with the same person?” – “No, because we aren’t the same people.” 🤷
Exactly, Annie.
Happy Anniversary to the both of you!
Thank you, Karen!
A very happy anniversary:)
You had us going there. Try the same on her and let us know what she says of the build up! 😀😆 Happy anniversary!
;>) Thanks, Ab!
Happy Anniversary. I love this, hugs, C
Thank you, Cheryl. Hugs back.
A wonderful way to put it!
Happy Anniversary!
Thank you!
Beautiful! Happy anniversary!
Thank you!
Happy Anniversary to you and Trudy 💐🎉
Thank you, Manu.
Happy Anniversary to you and Trudy!
Thank you, Liz!
You’re welcome, Mitch!
Well written and so beautifully said.
Thank you.
Happy Anniversary Mitch & Trudy. I hope you celebrate many more years together. You are so right Mitch. We all change as the years go by and with true love and God’s grace we see those changes as new seasonings for the years to come. Like a good wine, married love gets better and better with each year. When my husband and I married at the age of 17, family and friends said it would never last. But, we knew better. We had love, devotion, and dreams for a future together that no one else could see. We have raised 3 wonderful children, have 4 grandchildren, and 6 great-grandchildren. In December we will be married 64 years. Our love has grown stronger each and every year.
Wow, happy upcoming 64th, Jeanne!
THis is so true when you’ve been married a while. We change & we grow & if the marriage is solid, we do that together & we become stronger together.
Mainly, this is the loveliest tribute to your wife. I
Thank you, Linda.
Happy Anniversary!!! 🌷💕
Thank you, Iman!
Happy anniversary Mitch and Trudy!💖
Thank you, Sandy!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Happy Anniversary! A great post.
Thank you, Kritika!
Happy Anniversary. Life does change us, but the love we have for each other changes too. In my case, it’s grown stronger and deeper. After 53 years together, I recall the young stud I fell for, but am more than content with the considerate, kind, and helpful older gentlemen who is still my best friend.
I’m so happy to hear that, Susanne.
Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉
Thank you, Lalita.
Congratulations to both of you. Our 60th is coming on September 26th.
Wow! Mega-congrats to the two of you, Kathy!
Thanks Mitch.
Happy Anniversary to both of you 🎇🎇🎉🎉 Stay blessed always with lots of happiness and joy.
Thank you, Ramani.
We are approaching our 43rd and I hear what you are saying about being married to a different person. Congratulations!
Thank you, Pam, and advance congrats to you!
Mitch, my heart melted at this beautiful tribute to true love. There’s so much truth and wisdom here! Happy Anniversary Mitch and Trudy! God bless you both! ❣️🙏
Aw, thank you, dear friend!
You’re welcome, precious friend!
So, so true. It’s the most difficult relationship in your life and the most rewarding.
Exactly, Bob.
Beautiful story and tribute to what marriage should be!
I am thankful so often for a loving family. And a big part of that was that all of us kids (4) knew that my parents were in love with each other. My dad would often call my mom when he was heading home from work and they would meet at a tavern nearby and have a drink and spend time together. It was a wonderful example!
Happy Anniversary!!
Thank you, Peggy. Glad you had parents like that as a model too!
Happy anniversary! And you’re right, people change over the years, and we really don’t stay married to the “same” person. But if we’re lucky, we grow together rather than apart. I’m glad you and your wife are among the lucky ones…. And I’m blessed that so are Dave and I!
Thank you, dear friend.
Creative AND fun!
Thank you, Joseph!
Happy Anniversary, Mitch. You and your wife are meant to be together.
Happy (now slightly belated) anniversary, Mitch and Trudy.
That is a wise observation, and I hope there are some single people who hope to get married reading this. It’s a great lesson: you don’t marry only the good-looking, fun-loving, etc., person you’ve been dating. You also marry the person they will become. (Or, as you point out, the many persons they will become over the years.)
Right you are, and thanks., Michael.
Beautiful.
Thank you.
Happy Anniversary, Mitch. Gee, Hubby and I are at 48 years, and it feels like only a decade ago.
Aw, thanks, and Happy 48th, Jennie!
You are welcome, Mitch, and thank you!
Happy anniversary! My husband and I celebrated our 38th earlier this month! And yes, we’re different people than when we met. Thank goodness!
Yes!
Love it. A wonderful way to conceive of the journey through life. In my case, it’s been through lives. We have loved each other in three previous lives, and she was my beloved nanny in a fourth.
🙂
! Now that’s something I have heard before.
At start, I thought oh no… Then slowly I got the hint 🙂 That greeny eye is real one ? That is very beautiful.