Photo by Nathan Dumlao
Thought for the Week
Regarding the Butterfly Effect…
Can we reverse our “wing flaps”? I find the idea intriguing that the mere flap of a butterfly’s wing in, say, Nebraska could start a chain reaction leading to a tsunami in Sr Lanka. The point being that, with each “wing flap,” i.e. word or deed, we initiate a chain of effects. Sometimes for good and sometimes for bad.
For Good
An old college student of mine, now a well-loved pastor and community leader, looked me up. He astonished me by telling me that my class, along with the student dinners my wife and I hosted, had profoundly affected the course of his life.
For Bad
The wife of another student (different class) informed me that he was deeply offended by something I’d said or done. But I have no idea what it was because he refused to ever speak with me again. Sometimes our wing flaps can’t be reversed.
But sometimes they can.
When I Was a Teenager…
I accidentally swung a golf club back and broke my cousin Larry’s nose. Thirty-two years later at, ironically, a Thanksgiving dinner, he stunned the family by announcing that he’d never forgiven me. Not for injuring him, but for so quickly excusing my actions (“I didn’t know you were there!”), instead of showing real concern. This, Larry said, was why he found it so hard to believe in God. If I was the product of such a God, he said, he wanted nothing to do with him. The family came to my rescue: “Mitch didn’t mean it!” “It was thirty years ago!” They urged him to let it go.
But God didn’t. I could sense Him whispering, “Fix this.”
So I Begged Larry’s Forgiveness
It was one long overdue reverse wing flap. I remember the way his eyes searched mine for telltale twitches of insincerity. And then the way they softened. Was it enough? I pray so. Less than a year later, Larry passed away, and after the funeral his wife told me that what I’d said had started him on the path to believing in God again.
Matthew 6:33 tells us to, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness (justice), and all these things (needs, hopes, relationships) will be added unto you.” Significantly, the original Greek for “added” refers not to rewards, but to results of the actions we take. When that still, small voice whispers, “Fix this,” it’s time to…
Reverse our wing flaps.
This was profound to me, on many levels…and quite timely. I’m still unpacking all the things God showed me in this post. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable.
My privilege, Kelli. 🧡
I’ve certainly had some that couldn’t be reversed.
Forgiveness is one of life’s hardest tasks, and a prerequisite for salvation. Your sincere apology gave your cousin the precious opportunity to forgive.
Sometimes it’s hard to find the people you need to beg forgiveness from (grammar!). One of the hardest things I have ever had to do occurred around 25 years ago. I was an examiner on a PhD thesis defense, and I had serious doubts about how much of the data analysis the candidate really understood. Thesis advisors are supposed to advise so that the candidate is ready to defend. My feeling was that he hadn’t prepared her well enough; I also suspected that he may have done more of the data analysis than he should have. Whatever the reason, I refused to pass the defense. I was the lone disenting voice, but that’s all it took. I had had to decide whether to do the easy thing and approve the defense, or do what my conscience told me was right.
The problem was that the candidate was also a former TA of mine, and someone whom I considered to be a friend. She never spoke to me again.
I have wanted to be her forgiveness ever since, but I haven’t been able to find her. It’s an ache in my heart because it probably ruined her life.
💔 So sorry to hear that, Gail.
Beautiful. I love your wisdom. Sometimes the best we can do is consciously send out counterbalances, perhaps three for each negative effect that we become aware of, and let ourselves be at peace with those efforts, and then move on.
🧡
Which means I have to check my wing flaps. Not that we can control them all but being considerate is a good start.
I’m sure most of my wings flaps have bad news.
Being considerate is a great start, Iba. And I suspect you’re being too hard on yourself with that last statement.
So that was interesting and truly thought-provoking, Mitch. Yes, even the smallest of acts is a starting point for reactions or circumstances to be generated. Maybe we cannot reverse the wing flap, but over time we can see more of the meaing of what it triggered. I am convinced that there are no accidents in the perfectly organized universe where everything is connected. So, every conscious or unconscious action, deed, word, or even thought happens for a reason… and many learn from the consequences in their own way. Thank you for the inspiriation, Mitch!
My privilege, Erika.
🙏
Wow!! Thanks!
Hi Mitch. 👋🏻
Always a pleasure to read your work. I may be quiet with a lot of writers on WordPress, forgive me.
Things happen, perhaps for a reason, perhaps accidental. If we are sure in our actions, we can always can always be sure an explanation or apology is sure.
A lot to unpack with mistakes and time, I guess that what makes us human.
Thank you for allowing me to read. 🙏🏻 A.
And thank you for your thoughts, Alexander.
Mitch, it is truly amazing how our actions and words affect others for many years. It was so good you were able to listen to the still small voice and beg for Larry’s forgiveness. Sounds like this changed him to belief in God. Our words and actions do affect others more than we realize.
They do indeed, Hazel.
🥺
I’m inspired to make sure that when I move my ‘wings’ it’s gentle and intentional…I’m known to let enthusiasm take over like charging elephants at times!
;>) I know just what you mean, Susan.
I think he was hard on you. “I didn’t know you were there!” says a lot. It says there was no intention, and in my mind implies your regret. He should have felt this. Sad to think he harboured that thought for so many years and never let it go.
Thank you for sharing your stories.
My privilege, Gerry.
I first read your post title as “reserve our wing flaps.” That works, too, I guess! I didn’t know what “butterfly effect” meant until the other day. I’d never looked it up in case it was something bad; I didn’t want anything like that attaching to what happens when we hear the word “butterfly.” I trusted you, though. I worked with an 84-year old guy who (decades later) could not forgive his mother her horrendous treatment of him. He told me about it one night at break, and he got all worked up, “When she was on her deathbed, she BEGGED me to forgive her. I said ‘no’ — I would NEVER forgive that bitch.” And then, he stayed worked up, almost in tears. Utterly furious. Still TRAPPED. I prayed for him for the rest of his life to LET IT GO, so that he could have some peace.
“Still TRAPPED.” Such a horrible truth. I’m so glad you kept praying for him, Carol.
I didn’t know that you taught Mitch.. what subject?
Theatre, Film, Writing, and Communication, Kimberly.
Very cool:)
This was quite insightful & thought-provoking! I never really saw it from this perspective. I’m definitely going to use ‘reverse my wing flaps’ more in my daily conversation. Thank you for that! And, I’m glad Larry accepted your apology!
Have a great day!
BBB
Wow that’s a real shame about Larry. Nice that your act of forgiveness turned him around but decades of resentment is just really sad.
Merci pour ce témoignage. Nos actes et paroles ont toujours une conséquence, mais on peut réparer et c’est là que Dieu intervient, au-delà du temps, au cœur de l’homme, quand il est humble. Merci aussi pour le verset.