I found this headline in that bastion of journalistic integrity The Weekly World News, so you know it’s gotta be true. Check and see if your boss or ex-boyfriend is still around.
Other actual newspaper headlines I found:
- “New Autos to Hit Five Million”
- “Tuna Biting Off Washington Coast”
- “Child’s Stool Great for Use in Garden”
- “Lawyers to Offer Poor Free Advice”
- “Thugs Eat, Then Rob Proprietor”
Bonus: Two favorite headlines from an old Wall Street Journal:
- The Food and Drug Administration is considering declaring mother’s milk unsafe. Seriously. But it didn’t happen. Why? I’m guessing it was because they couldn’t figure out where to put the label.
- An IRS office in Mississippi got a call from a woman inquiring, “Are birth control pills tax deductible?” The quick-witted agent replied, “Only when they don’t work.”
Update: The “Satan Captured!” headline was printed some years ago. Sadly, given the state of things in the world today, I’m pretty sure he escaped.
Just wish it were true now. Maybe it would help?
These made me literally LoL! I was annoyed at the “mother’s milk unsafe” until I read your joke 😂
Funny! 🤣
Hilarious. 🙂
I miss the Weekly World News. Oh, I know they still have a website but it’s not the same as standing in the grocery store line reading the headlines out loud. Things like, “Bill Clinton Sells United States to Space Aliens!” Especially if the kids were along, “Daaad!” “Well, it must be true, it’s printed in black and white.” “That doesn’t always mean…””Look! There’s a photograph of the president shaking hands with a space alien! See?” “Daaadd…You can’t believe it…” The last statement was what I was winding them up for. To make them think. Although I was known to wind up total strangers the same way…Oh, I’m a baaad boy!
Bad in a good way, Herb!
used to love them
Humor on a dreary rainy day! Just what the doctor ordered!
Satin looks just like Richard Ramirez, the Night Stalker.
*Satan
Tony Joe White has a wonderful song named “Lord, They Caught the Devil and They’ve Got Him in Jail in Eudora, Arkansas.” Well worth a listen if you can still find it! 🤣
I’ll see if I can find it, Ana!
It’s about as boogyin’ a song as I’ve ever heard ~ a true snapshot of the classic American South.
Mitch,
It’s all in the wording. Look a head in the road. I guess slow down and use magic commas as needed.
Thank you, Gary
Gary Avants Forbear Productions * *garyavants66@gmail.com garyavants66@gmail.com
Ha!
🤣😂😊🤣
Once again your wit continues! 😂
;>) Thanks, Dori.
Interesting headlines!
Java Bean: “Ayyy, that must have been a pretty sturdy shed …”
;>)
funny. 🙂
😅