It began with a woman doing her lipstick. In her rear-view mirror. While her car sailed blithely into the back of my sardine-tin Suzuki Samurai. Result? My neck snapped forward like it was made of rubber.
Except it wasn’t.
The day before my discectomy surgery, I was laid on a tiltable table. My spine was injected with glow-in-the-dark goo in order to create a scenic map of My Spine, USA. I was fine with that. Of course, I was on Valium, so I’d have been fine with them cutting my toes off and selling them to gypsies. The technician warned, “Don’t bend over, if this stuff gets to your brain it’ll give you a horrible headache.” And then he proceeded to tilt me over for twenty minutes.
When the Valium wore off, my brain exploded. After eight hours of sleepless pain, I longed for anesthesia. “How are we doing?” asked the Doctor. “I don’t know about you,” I replied, “but I need to be unconscious. Now!”
When I came to, I discovered a jagged set of railroad tracks below my Adam’s apple, covered over by a plastic replica of Hoover Dam. I had to wear that dam dam for two months. Every now and then—roughly every five minutes—I’d think, “If I don’t rip this thing off I’m going to go howling mad.”
The neck pain subsided, but my head continued to throb, despite the fact that I was on enough oxycodone to set up my own dealership.
It turned out my migraine had nothing to do with the surgery; it was from the stupid spinal scan, and no amount of drugs could fix it. It lived in my head 24-hours-a-day, 7 days a week. If I was conscious, which I generally was since I rarely slept, it was there. It made me so sensitive to light that when I went outside to get the mail I had to wear sunglasses and a hoodie draw-strung to a peephole.
The opiate-induced euphoria was like watching an android cheerleader shout, “Go, team!” while the team was being slaughtered on the field. I wanted to feel something not induced by chemicals. I loved my family, but they were outside. I was alone inside the dam with the non-stop pounding of my brain.
Then, one night, a month into my isolation, my family and I watched a two-part miniseries about Abraham. In the story, the legendary patriarch is approached by a mysterious king named Melchizedek. Seeing Abraham’s longing for God, Melchizedek observes, “Nothing else matters, does it?” Abraham bursts into tears, and replies, “No! Nothing!”
In that instant, I remembered that I was not alone, that God was with me–always. I kissed my wife and pulled my kids close, and suddenly they were there inside the barrier with me.
Month two was inexplicably tolerable. By month three, the dam and the headache from hell were gone. But the scar remains, like an Abrahamic altar made of stones. It’s my constant reminder that God is with me…
And nothing else matters.
Wow! A compelling read. What a difficult few months. As a migraine sufferer I cannot imagine how horrible this must have been. Glad you’re better! And that through it all, you knew God hadn’t left you alone for a moment.
Thank you, Angela.
You are a Migraine Sufferer too? I totally relate. I have had them for over 40 years.
powerful – and the nothing else matters line has me thinking of a rock song that says that – (ear worm)
anyhow, this was inspiring
;>)
😊
What an inspiring and beautiful tale!
Thank you, Lisa.
Thanks for posting, scars are a reminder that God is with us
My privilege, L.G.
I’m beginning to learn what the scripture means, “to share with Him in His sufferings.” It sounds so poetic to read it, but to live it?! That is where we find God who has always been there, but I’ve found He is more visible through our pain. How long was it before you could write about this?
I was doing speaking engagements, and first talked about just a few years later, Debi.
What a harrowing experience but one to learn from. Thanks for sharing, Mitch.
My privilege, Michael.
That’s a rough go right there Mitch. Your story of finding a connection through your suffering is certainly inspirational.
Thank you, Randy.
Thanks, Mitch. A constant reminder of God’s presence is invaluable, especially when we’re at our most vulnerable. It sounds like you have many scars to fulfil that function. I know that my scars and pain will take on special meaning now, reminding me of the truth.
I’m always mindful of James 1:2-4, Gail, re. the sacred purpose of trials.
Wow!
So needed to remember that! Having tests for dementia. My mom started having symptoms of Alzheimer’s at 65. Died by inches over 14 years. I’m 88, but my doctor says I’m healthy and might live a long time. Losing best friends’ names, words, spelling, what day it is, checking the toothbrush to see if I just finished brushing my teeth. Prayers greatly appreciated.
I’ll be praying. Blessings, my Anonymous friend.
Wow… What a story!
What a comfort to know that He never leaves us. I cannot even imagine the pain you went through. Thankful for your recovery.
Thanks, Mags.
Mitch, praise God you are not alone and were not alone. Glad you have recovered.
Thank you, Hazel.
You’re welcome, Mitch!
Whoa! Mitch‼️ Was this YOU⁉️
How long ago was this (what year)?
Makes my sixth stroke seem like a walk in the park!🤠
❤️&🙏, my friend (even if you are from California🤣)
Sixth stroke? Whoa yourself, C.A.! This happened about thirty years ago.
What a harrowing experience! You have tremendous strength and resolve.
Only when I’m forced into it, Mark. ;>) Thanks!
Well written but what a horrendous experience. So sorry to read this.
A remarkable story sir. Dare I ask?
“Ask,” as in if it actually happened? Yes, it did, Stephen.
O no. I only meant to ask if I could repost the true story 🙂.
Ah, gotcha. Feel free to repost this, my friend.
Don’t hesitate to reply in the negative if you think the reposting the last one should be sufficient for now.
That’s beautiful–thank you 💗✨
My privilege, Jules.
Incredible story, Mitch. Thank God!
Amen, Nancy.
Wow, Mitch😔. My guess is you forgave the careless driver long ago. It’s suffering times like those, though, that make us question whether we ever knew God at all — until His grace of clarity comes to us quietly, but surely, as time goes on. So glad you made it through ALL the things, Mitch. 🌷
“Until His grace of clarity comes to us quietly, but surely, as time goes on.” You’re so right, and thank you, Carol.
Amen.
hello cora have you corrected the counting
I KNOW YOU HATE ME. I can feel YOU here…in the desert where “I AM.”
Far from it. I don’t even know you. But I can sense your pain and frustration.
“Crying in the wilderness” is not silent or quiet, Mitch. AND THERE ARE TUMPETS harolding. They are not QUIET, nor were the prophets of OLD. AND WHAT IS NEW…Under the Sun? ONE WAY! And all else is silence – “Silent as the Grave” IS A COMMON vernacular.
When AIDS was killing MILLIONS, The gays started “ACT-UP!” THEY advocated FOR “LIFE!” THEIR MOTTO: “SILENCE EQUALS DEATH!” Do you remember?
THERE WERE SOME “GROUPS” That said AIDS was GOD’s Punishment for being HOMOSEXUAL.
I was a hospice nurse FOR REAL. 30 YEARS. BUBBLING LUNGS were not silent. I learned first hand…NO ONE REALLY WANTS TO DIE. We proved we loved life that GOD gave INTO us; often by those in homes full of people just like you. Just sayin’
Yes, I do remember those horrible early days of the AIDS epidemic. And thank you for your years of loving service as a hospice nurse.
I KNOW you don’t want to moderate your site; and this is a public site open to the public with a reply option and freedom of speech so long as I don’t make threats – or endanger. Yep. AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL. BUT MAYBE you should just moderate your site…so you have to look at ever response before it POSTS. I also PDF print all my stuff that I write as proof. (grin). And I am sure…it’s all ok. IT IS YOUR CHOICE. it’s always a choice to HATE and FEAR…and PROCRASTINATE WHAT GOD WANTS YOU TO DO. SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO COUNT…so much.
oh man, brutal 💕
What a terrible ordeal! I can’t say I have ever experienced an injury even remotely this bad – thank God. Thanks for sharing the “pearl of great price” that was birthed from it.
I have OCPD – OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER – and quite a few other disorders I deal with daily and for years and years and years- and they got so much worse after I watched my husband suffocate to death on a vent – getting 100% oxygen into his sealed lung; and THAT killed him because 100% oxygen is deadly, but that was the protocol – people demanded; so scared and terrified, that they made something up – to throw at the problem. It’s hard to stop when I’ve found a focus. OCPD – is a preoccupation with GOOD AND EVIL, right wrong, Morals and ethics. It’s a triggered response. It’s human, so it is normal as a coping and survival response. My ego…is expanded, and it actually does include THE WORLD. it’s that big. I want the world to live, so that I can live AS I AM. I do it for my husband who died, and I do it for you because you are me, and I am you, too. I do it TO LIVE…to find a purpose TO LIVE.
I have to stop. I know. You are already banging your war drums against the LIFE I represent…but I hope MAYBE you gained SOMETHING from what GOD gave me, and he gave to so many before me (prophets of old were just like me…so that we could live longer…somehow in the face of what is coming…that I see because GOD touched me…in my grief, my sorrow ..and my pain. my last gift to you.
It’s a poem I wrote, and it’s also…FOR YOU.
(Dear Russ…)
A TRYING ECHO
WE, THE TWIN FLAMES!
Your voice in my mind-to-mind can not fade, my mind’s eye still holds you smiling like a joyful playful child that you have always been at heart-to-heart.
“Sweet Heart.”
Your address hasn’t changed places, nor has it moved from within the places I hold a place for that special address.
“Sweet Heart.”
I wish for an echo of it with all my heart; a voice resounding back and forth amongst the stones in the world that has become a wilderness. Even so, you would be alive and breathing that…
“Sweet heart.” I wish it were an echo.
“Babe” is my reply…always spoken into empty air. “I miss you babe. I miss you Russie” gets me no reply.
If only there were an echo, I could feel life again.
“Sweet Heart.”
I still keep trying.
“Keep trying” is an echo I live-out amongst the stones in the world that has become a wilderness.
All I am.
Alive. Breathing.
“I miss you.”
Silence
“Sweet Heart.”
Silence
Tears have no echo either.
“Keep Trying.”
Just being alive.
Just breathing.
These last echo between the stones of the Earth that is a wilderness…without you.
By B’David. April 9, 2023
Thank you for the information about your OCPD, B’David, and for telling us a bit about what you’ve been through.
This was so inspiring, Mitch.
<3
Exactly, Mitch. 🤙🏻💯
Hopefully, the woman who rear-ended you learned a valuable lesson which may have saved someone else’s life at your expense (God’s providence). Thanks for sharing your unfortunate story. Praise God for your recovery. 🙂
Thank you, Nancy.
If you have someone close to you, that is all that matters
its a really good article. There are times when God pulls me around by the nose. HE knows what’s best for everyone. Like Nancy says about providence…which requires great FAITH, FAITH was Jesus’, thing, too. And faith is…acting without trust because life is not a trustworthy thing at all. THERE ARE NO ACTUAL PROMISES…when you REALLY don’t know what’s there behind the curtain. IT’S FAITH through providence that counts. I BELIEVE YOU, Nancy. I LIVE IT EVERY SINGLE day, and so does MITCH – and we both LIVE in the same world – Abiding in love. and that is GOD…I remember. GOD in a gran of sand….GOD IN A DESERT; in a rod, or in a spoiled child without one.
peace to you Mitch. I do mean it, but providence and faith drive me, too. AND TO YOU, my Love…REMEMBER…kinks, bubbles…and death –
Nothing else matters … a powerful response and true. The Lord hasn’t dropped me and there’s no reason to believe he will start. It’s a matter of faith – has been, is, and will be until I go to my eternal home.
Remember the woman who had the bleeding disorder, and GOD”s grace entered her when she merely sought to be healed by merely touching Jesus’ robe. And Jesus knew something had been taken from him; a grace…that she did NOT ask for, but was needed to save her life. “By Your Faith, you are healed,” Jesus told her. He said that ALOT. “By YOUR faith.”
I wonder about the young boy who was possessed amongst the tomes…while Legion ranted through his voice; and he tore himself to shreds, and no one would help him. IT WAS TABOO! The priests would had something to say about that.
It was taboo for Jesus (or any-one of GOD’s people) to touch such a one, and it was taboo to touch the unclean (lepers – Bleeding women, etc). It was taboo to do so many things that Jesus actually HAD TO DO in order to heal those boo-boos (grin).
Remember: The Garden of Gethsemane; when Jesus Prayed before his death. And sweat blood…under such duress.
And then I remembered the faith of the woman that bleed freely, and Jesus touched her.
He was dying already I think, and He knew it. BUT HE HEALED HER ANYWAY…AND HE HEALED THE POSSESSED…ANYWAY. It is ironic NOT ONE OF THE PEOPLE HE TAUGHT TO HEAL TRIED TO HEAL HIM.
In your Eternal Home – where YOU seek That eternal Life – By Faith…that you say WAS, IS AND WILL BE, and live as JESUS LIVED AND DIED…IT IS YOURS BY FAITH.
Amen
Bless you, Marsha.
OH, AND since my husband died, I’ve two strokes and heart attack. FAITH.
Sorry you had to go through that. It sounds awful.
What horror. I am so sorry this happened to you. Large cars, SUVs etc., are very dangerous to people in other smaller cars. SUVs kill four times as many people as other cars do in accidents (well they kill people in other cars). Putting on lipstick while barreling down the street in a big car is pretty close to murder. I am glad you recovered from this horrible experience.
Thank you, Thomas.
♥️🙏
Nada te turbe
Nada te espante
Sólo Dios
BASTA
Versos de Santa Teresa
Like learning to breathe and the joy of it to come.
Vom Glauben indoktriniert
Die heute einem Gott huldigen,
das sind die gleichen, die seinerzeit
einem Götzen Menschenopfer brachten.
Der Glaube macht blind und taub.
©PP
Mitchteemley
.. fühlt sich wohl in seiner Rolle,
auch wenn er selbst weiß,
dass er ständig lügt.
Wünschen würd ich mir,
dass er anständig wird
und nicht mehr
die Leute
verarscht.
©PP
Mitch
Ein Mann wie ein Baum und gibt sich dem kindischen Gottesglauben hin. Natürlich, wenn ich 90 Prozent Verbrennungen am Körper habe und 99 Prozent meiner Knochen gebrochen sind und ich im Gipsbett liege, kann ich Gott danken, dass ich noch lebe .. aber ich kann ihn auch verfluchen, dafür, dass er es zugelassen hat .. Aber es hat ja mit einem Gott nichts zu tun. Gott ist eine Erfindung der Menschen, um der Angst vor dem Tod etwas entgegen zu setzen .. Das weiß heute jeder Achtjährige ..
I’m so sorry to hear about your suffering.
Hey, brother, was this recent? Sounds absolutely horrible… You write well.
Blessings and healing in every area you need.
Hi Anne. No, it was quite a few years ago. And thank you, dear friend!
I’m reminded to keep my eyes on the road! Thanks for sharing how God is always there for us.
My privilege, Pam.
Thank you for your unforgettable reminder that God is with us – and nothing else matters. May the Lord Jesus continue His hand of healing upon you and bless you.
Thank you so much, Stephanie.
Wow! This was the valley of the shadow of death. Glad it’s a memory now !!
Thanks, Gerry. Me too!
So sorry for your ordeal, Mitch. I never sympathized with people who had back and neck pain until I developed a herniated disc in my neck. After one agonizing month when I was treated for a non-existent torn rotator cuff by an orthopedic doctor who didn’t have a clue, a neurosurgeon removed the disc. I walked out of the hospital the next day pain-free with a bandaid on my neck. That was 30 years ago. I hope your pain is now behind you.
Oh o, I’m so sorry to hear this… do you still get the migraines or did they fade away?? Sending love, Linda
Fortunately, they faded away after a couple of months. Thank you for asking, Linda. I know some people, including you (and my wife), have them for years.
sigh – they’re such a glitchy beast – here’s hoping your wife is doing OK too, L xx
She is, thank you, Linda. After quite a few years of migraines, they subsided and finally disappeared altogether.
Hooray! 🥰
God is always near. 🙏🏾