Thought for the Week
I had a friend whose left leg was an inch shorter than his right. For years he tried to hide his limp and as a result, developed chronic tendonitis and painful bone spurs. He finally went to a specialist and had “weird shoes” made (his term) to correct the problem.
I had another friend, an alcoholic who became so disgusted with her life inside the bottle that, like a miner trapped underground, she finally reached out for help.
In both cases, the effects were outwardly visible. But the real battle, the invisible war, was going on inside of them. Neither should be blamed for their congenital conditions. A short leg is real. So is the nature/nurture-rooted predisposition of an addict. But the responsibility to face their enemies?
That’s theirs.
We all have congenital conditions. Some are as visible as flat tires. But most are invisible. You can’t see a broken head gasket inside a motor, but it’s far more critical than a flat tire. “Personality flaws”—sour dispositions, poor listening skills, incessant self-absorption—are not pretty, and it’s easy to blame the individuals for such flaws. But their weaknesses are very likely as congenital as crooked teeth.
Only much harder to fix.
So cut them some slack. Recognize they’re fighting an invisible war. Just like you are. If they haven’t comprehended it yet themselves, pray they will. And when you see an opportunity to help, hike up your courage and tell them about your invisible war. It may result in a double win: first, their sense of permission to admit their own struggle, and second, the discovery of an ally.
There’s no opting out of this war. But there are alliances to be made. We’re not alone. So, let’s stop shooting at each other and get back to facing the real enemy…
Together.
21+ years – no drugs or alcohol. This week, July 26, will be one year of no cigarettes which was harder than all the rest from which to divorce. “Fighting the war” has probably added ten years to my life.
Go, Carl!
Am proud of you,stay more far away from it
This reply is from “WordPress”?
Well said sir.
Thanks, Andrew.
Discovery of an ally, yes!
Wonderful post, Mitch. Kindness goes a long way especially when we’re walking in our own shoes.
Amen, Kellye.
Yup, also a little help can go a long way, especially when people completely lack support systems which is becoming increasingly common in a globalised world.
So true, Parvathy.
Whether our struggles are self inflicted or we suffer from them innocently, we all need empathy and support to overcome them. I agree that being authentic and sharing our struggles gives other people permission to do so as well. And we all benefit. I’m looking forward to the day that churches operate this way.
Some do, Audrey, but, well, churches are made up of people and…you know what I mean.
Yep
I sure do
Wonderful, important, compelling essay. Broken head gasket? As the world’s least mechanical human, I am impressed.
;>) Thank you, Bob.
Well said, Mitch! I have been increasingly convicted of my judgment toward others (while wanting mercy and understanding for my own struggles). The knowledge that we are all fighting invisible battles creates the space for compassion and connection, and the realization that we are not stuck – or stuck alone – in these battles is empowering.
Thank you, Kara. Press on, my friend!
“Alliances to be made”. Oh my, yes. Thanks for all of that, Mitch. 💕
My privilege, Vicki.
💕
Remembering that others also have internal battles going on makes it easier to relate to one another with kindness.
Quite true, Vera.
This one is very real. (compliment)
Needed to read this today, Mitch…Thanks!
My pleasure, Mary.
Mitch a famous writer once stated that our greatest enemy lives in the mirror. I have used your words, with credit to you, in my third book. But the point here really expands that to try to help others with their visual or hidden enemies. The author of Caroline, Neil Gaiman, said that people have names, but cats have no names because they know who they are. We would all be better off for ourselves and others if we knew that. Brad
Love the Neil Gaiman quote, Brad. And I’m honored to be quoted in your book.
Amazing post Mitch.
I can relate. I invited Jesus into those invisible wars in my life and got healing in return!
The crosses we bear seem to shrink when we learn about the burdens others carry.
Very true, Nancy.
Great post, Mitch, one we all need to not only read, but act on. Thanks!
My privilege, Peggy.
Great advice!
When I was a young adult, I was impossible. I had no patience for anyone’s problem. I was so judgmental that I believed (and vocalized) that people who don’t drink alcohol or coffee were flawed. I’ve become extremely patient and accepting in my ‘old’ age. Sometimes I look back on my younger self and cringe.
Ditto, Jeff.
“There but for the grace of God go I…”
It takes courage to recognize your own flaws, even greater resolve to admit and fix. We all fight these invisible battles.
Broken head gasket..classic. 👏👏
Thanks, Nigel.
So very true…..
Am proud of you,try harder to stay far more away from it
Such a thoughtful post, Mitch. You sound like a lovely person! ❤️
That’s very kind of you to say, Nancy.
I am sure it’s true. 😍
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