During self-introductions a college student of mine once boasted that he’d fathered 11 children by 11 different mothers.
I normally avoid judgmental statements. Not this time. “Do you support them?” I asked.
“Uh, no!” he said with a grin.
“Then you’re not a real father. You’re a child abuser,” I replied. A period of awkward silence followed. Which normally bothers me. Not this time.
Fatherhood is being there. With your time. With your heart. With your paycheck. When it’s convenient, and when it’s not.
To all of the real fathers out there: I celebrate you!
To all of those who are not:
Man up and get real.
Haha that’s right! Preach!
You know those times when, later on you’re like, “I wish I had said…”? In this case, there was absolutely no need for you to wonder. I can’t think of a more appropriate answer. I’m sure the young man wasn’t the only student in the class that benefited from that reality check.
Very good. You hit a home run, Mitch.
This is an awesome piece, well said! I write regularly on Motherhood from my personal experience in raising 3 boys. Clearly I am not a Father and don’t have the experience to personally. I do have my beliefs of the part a father or father figure can do for a child. I enjoyed this very much. Thank You!
My friend and full time evangelist, RV Brown wrote a book for fathers titled Step Up To The Plate Dad. My church emphasizes in messages and small groups and retreats, the importance of men, if fathers to act like one. Good post!
Thanks, Rick.
Thank you Mitch!! It is time to stand up and speak truth!! Certainly someone boasting in 11 children faced with all the emotional issues of a father who does not care, not to mention the lack of financial support, is when “enough is enough”! Maybe your words will make a change in this man’s life, and better yet, the children who long to know him as their Dad. Excellent post!!
Thank you, Denise. I did, in fact, meet him for coffee a while later, and he backpedalled, admitting he should do better. Did he? I don’t know. He plans to be a teacher!
I am believing your word stirred his heart. Truth cutting through the bone and marrow of “kidding oneself and lies”. Good job on taking the extra time to meet with him one on one. Teacher you are!
Mitch years ago I had sole custody of my young son when this was unusual
for single fathers.
Now my son has primary custody for his two teenagers.
It is a full time, often difficult and tiring but rewarding experience.
Great post!
Brad
Brad James
Thank you for your personal testimony, Brad!
You hit that out of the park, Mitch. Signed, Abandoned Daughter.
I concur – it definitely went for six. Good show!
(I’m reading in New Zealand – we don’t play that strange modern ruffian’s ball-bases game here – it’s just cricket in the commonwealth.)
Yep,a salute to fathers! It’s the quality of fatherhood that matters here,not the quantity of children. Those who are not supporting their kids,not involved with them, are really missing out on some precious things. The kids will suffer, but in the end the dads will suffer too.
Of what you listed I think time is the most important. I new a young man who’s dad was wealthy beyond measure (well beyond my measure which means he didn’t have to eat Raman for the last 5 days of the month) but the dad was never around. He was always off on business. This was the abuse of neglect and it made a very angry young man. I remember a good friend of mine once said that kids need your time and attention more than your money. That’s not to say that we don’t have the responsibility of support, just to give guidance on our choices.
Wow. That moment will stand for all time.
Good for you for speaking up, Mitch. There is far too much silence in this world over things that are wrong. I hope that young man changes his way. Blessings on you. 🙂
Amen!
Reblogged this on Midwest Girl's Dreams.
Telling it like it is, Mitch! Fearless.
Excellent, Mitch! Kiddos for your courage to say the hard things to that student, and for rebelling the story! 👍🏻
Just noticed that spellcheck changed “kudos” to kiddos… Oops! 😄
I guessed, Dori. Didn’t think you were actually offering me children. ;>)
Just catching up on replies…this one truly made me LOL!!
Mitch, you’re today’s hero for confronting this guy. Wanna join my club? It’s called “take your political correctness and put it in a dark place.” Our club motto is “if you can’t talk sense with nice words then kick butt with the truth.”
Hey, I like this guy….!
Mega-mega points! Like it’s been said, it doesn’t take anyone special to father a child, but it takes somebody special to be a dad.
Thank you for allowing the integrity within you to speak to the absence of integrity he was flaunting. Perhaps a balance can be struck now…And good for you to meet him for coffee afterwards. I have to say I’m feeling deep sadness for all of the mothers and all of the children who haven’t been given the time they deserve. I hope they will manage to have a wonderful father figure in their lives, whether it is a teacher, or step dad, or some kind of mentor…
Amen, Lorien!
Well said.
Yay! Good for you! God bless!
That’s great that you confronted someone who fathered children, but had no interest in BEING a father TO those children. It’s terrible that those type of men are out there. Let’s also not forget the flip side of that: father’s who want more than anything to BE fathers, but are kept away by vicious controlling mothers, a crooked and biased legal system, and callous and indifferent officers of the law. We are out there, and we are in pain. https://waltersingletons.wordpress.com/seth-and-aiden-singleton/
Walter, please see my dear friend Matilda’s words below. And amen.
Well said, Mitch! I’m glad you confronted this twit. (And my heart breaks for the gentleman who commented above — because i’m sure there are many Good Men out there who Want to be a part of their children’s lives, and are being shut out). May God bless you, Walter Singleton, and grant you the opportunity for which your heart yearns.
Love your heart, Matilda.
Thank you, Mitch — and i, yours.
PS– i tried to “like” your reply, but was unable to successfully log in.
sigh….
Thank you, Mitilda.
I cannot imagine how sad it is for a child to have only one parent. There’s the financial aspect, of course, but there’s so much more that fathers can offer that mothers cannot and vice versa. I’ll never understand the pride with which people state that they’ve helped to create a child then abandoned him or refused to give the child access to the other parent. How selfish can one be?
Yes, you found the key word, I think, Elizabeth, “pride.”
What an awesome post! My husband has just published his first post on our blog about being a father who is 100% committed. It’s called Being a Bespoke Daddy, Not a Feckless Father
Thanks, Bespoke Mama, and good on you and your husband for your 100% commitment!
Hi Mitch, very challenging and truthful. I especially liked your comment, being a father is about being there. I am convinced our fatherhood crisis in this world is not just that we are surrounded by bad fathers, but that fathers are absent from their childrens lives. Looking up and down my street, there are children without a male role model in their lives, never mind the support of a father.
Thank you for your kind words.
Forever Being Daddy
http://www.foreverbeingdaddy.wordpress.com
Thanks! And I couldn’t agree with you more, Forever Daddy.
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Well said!
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