
In Praise of the Humble Hamburger
Note: I’m on a brief hiatus from the My Real Memoir series normally posted on Tuesdays. It will return soon.
My Earliest Walk Down Hamburger Lane…
Led to the world’s oldest surviving McDonald’s, located in the L.A. suburb of Downey, California. It was built long before Mickey D’s went on to conquer the known universe. Its mascot back then wasn’t a clown, it was an animated neon chef named Speedee. And, in praise of the humble hamburger…
It Was the Only Place We Could Afford to Eat
Mom and Dad counted their pennies in those days. Our tiny, novice-level tract home was just blocks away, and so we’d walk there together. It was a big adventure for me since I wasn’t even allowed to cross the street on my own. That was where I learned to order a hamburger “with mustard only.” Just like Dad.
A Few Years Later…
We graduated to a bigger tract home in a brand new suburb. As a newspaper dealer, my father worked seven days a week, so I have very few “just me and Dad” memories. And the ones I do have are tied to the newspaper biz.
Hamburger Money
There were little boxes made of ticky-tacky everywhere, with brand new lawns just waiting to sprout. And that meant newlywed couples just waiting to subscribe to Dad’s paper, the Herald Express. So he would regularly round up his most enterprising paperboys, which included me, and we’d knock on front doors. Think of me as younger, cuter Jehovah’s Witness.
Mustard-Only Burgers
I was a quick-talking hambone with an irresistible grin (practice makes perfect). So I nearly always claimed the night’s “Most New Subscribers” bonus. Which was great, but putting the look of pride on Dad’s face was my goal, not putting money in my bank account. Afterward, Dad would take us to a local McDonald’s wannabe, Sam’s Burgers, where I’d order a cheeseburger “with mustard-only.” Just like Dad. We’d eat and laugh, just me and Dad, and, oh yeah, the other boys. But, honestly, it seemed like no one else was even there.
Hamburgers Aren’t My Favorite Food Anymore
Nevertheless, I appreciate a well-grilled gourmet burger with fresh and inventive toppings. And, in praise of the humble hamburger, I still sometimes order a greasy little burger-stand smash-up “with mustard only.” Just like Dad.
Note: Per the very pushy advice of all-knowing SEO (search engine optimizer) gurus, I’ve added headings and subheadings to this post. Oh, and I’m also supposed to keep repeating my keyphrase. So here it is again: In praise of the humble hamburger. There. Happy, gurus? Dear normal non-guru types, what do you think? Should I keep or lose these changes?
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