My Valentine’s Day Gift to You

Note: The script version of this story can be downloaded at SkitGuys.com

It’s College and Career Night. Derry pushes a clump of hair from his eyes, spots a dude in painted-on jeans and a punk princess. He climbs up onto a stool next to them, as the young adult group leader announces, “Since tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day, tonight’s Convo topic is, Who’s the love of your life? Your Soul Mate? The One? Corny? Maybe. But why does the Big Love idea persist?” Tight-Jeans Dude groans and leaves.

“So, just the two of us, huh?” Derry says to the Punk Princess.

“Yep.”

He has a sudden desire to dip her smirk in his coffee. “You wanna go first?”

“Nope.” She tosses back the shoulder-length hair from one side of her head. The other side is buzz-cut. It looks like a summery hillside. Derry wants to roll in it.

“I’m Derry, and I really do believe The One is out there, you know? I mean, my girlfriend Heather, she was just, like, the training wheels version, but I know my Big Love is out there, the—”

“BMX of Love?”

Derry snockers. “I was going to say ‘the love of my life.’ That leader guy’s right. I think love is what we’re made for, so I’m not giving up. Maybe I’ll find her here.”

Punk Princess’s tire spikes go up. “This isn’t a singles group.”

“Sorry. The guys on my high school football team called me ‘Mush Bucket.’ I made this deal with God: ‘If you let me find her, The One, I’ll be holy and go to church and all that.’”

“’And all that.’ So have you?”

“Pretty much…kind of…trying. How about you?”

“I’m Meg, and I’m not…religious. I had a boyfriend who was Mr. Profound, right? Until I caught him being very un-profound with some pre-fab Barbie. So I figured, hey, people use each other, that’s it, that’s ‘love.’ Forget all the soul mate crap. In the end it’s really just—”

“Sex?”

“Or power. Or both. So I started using people, and got used back. Until after a while I felt—”

“Used up?”

“Uh-huh. So now it’s just me and my cat, ‘Mr. Right.’”

“That’s your cat’s name?”

“Yep. But then about six months ago I wandered in here–and suddenly one night I met the love of my life.”

“Whoa! I thought you didn’t believe in—”

“I didn’t. Totally blind-sided me. We were just talking, you know? And then—I don’t know why—I started telling him stuff I’ve never told anybody. And it didn’t freak him out. He wanted to hear it all. Everything. I always figured if anyone loved me it would be despite who I was, not because of it.” Her eyes begin to water. “And then I realized, ‘I’m falling in love! How is that even possible?’”

Derry scans the room. “Is he here, at another table?”

“He’s at all of them.”

“What? How can…?” It clicks. “You mean God, don’t you?”

“Uh-huh.”

“So you’re saying… Whoa, wait–what if that’s like where the whole Big Love idea comes from!”

Meg smiles, and Derry suddenly realizes she’s the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. “Still, just because God’s your Number One, that doesn’t mean you don’t need a Number Two.”

She laughs. “Hit the showers, buddy! Look, I’m still new to the Big Love bit, so right now I’m just focusing on Number One, OK?”

“OK, OK, I get it.” And he actually does. “So, Happy Valentine’s Day, God Girl.”

“Back at you, Mush Bucket.”

♥