Wharton Finds a Whatzit, Part One

I pre-planned this whimsical Dr. Seuss-style retelling of the Exodus story before the current shooting tragedy in Texas. I earnestly pray that it will do what humor can sometimes do: draw us together, help us cope, and remind us that one day, “God will wipe away every tear, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for those things will have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)


Now, down in old Eejip where Fayro was king,

A fellow named Mo did a wonderful thing.

There were Heebrooz and Sheebrooz all over the place,

And that put a frown on old Fayroze’s face.

So he did some upsetting to stop all their smiles,

But they just kept begetting. They stretched out for miles!

Then Mo said, “Hey, Fayro, you’re mean and you’re rotten.

What God’s gonna do—well, it won’t be forgotten!”

Sure enough, God got angry and took ‘em away.

Then Fayro got mad too, and yelled, “Ogla-hey!”

Which was Jipchin for, “I’m gonna hurt you so bad

You’ll wish you were one kid your mom never had!”

’Cause that’s the way Jipchins and most people get.

When they don’t get their way, they don’t like it a bit!

Now, ‘Ro was so mad that he followed ‘em all,

Little ones, big ones, short types and tall.

Then he backed ’em all up at the sea that was red,

And said, “Now you’ll wish that you really were dead!

But Mo took his big stick, and raising it high,

Said, “God, now would be a great time to drop by!”

And God, who was there all along anyway,

Picked up that old sea and just threw it away!

Then Fayro said, “Go soldiers, go on and get ’em!”

And the soldiers they tried, but the sea up and et ’em!

Then the Heebrooz and Sheebrooz of Izree-a-lee

Said God was the best god they ever did see.

They partied and stayed up ’til way, way past eight,

Celebratin’ their save from a Fayro-ish fate.

But before very long they got thirsty and cranky,

And started to grumble, ‘specially one guy named Spanky.

Then the people got hungry, in fact they were starved.

They were dreaming of roasted quail perfectly carved,

And freshly baked bread, right off of the shelf,

And hoping Jehovah would bake it Himself.

Sure enough, when the night came, a Heebroo named RalphPicture8

Was struck in the mouth by a quail flying south.

Then one after one they came flying in,

Soon quails were in stewpots and frying in tins.

To be continued..

© Mitch Teemley – neither text nor images may be copied or sold without express permission of author

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in For Pastors and Teachers, Humor, Poetry, Quips and Quotes and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to Wharton Finds a Whatzit, Part One

  1. I loved this. I did not know Spanky was the loudest complainer. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha, “Heebrooz and Sheebrooz!” I hope you plan to illustrate this whole book.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Pam says:

    Love it!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So I absolutely LOVE this! It’s perfect! I have a fun story… I had a journalism prof that assigned a project to all of us… to get an interview with someone known to repulse the media. We were each assigned an individual. One member of the class was particularly ingenious. She had been assigned an interview with Dr. Seuss, aka Theodor Geisel. She decided to make her request Seuss style… and Voila! She got the interview. 🙂 Your post is brilliant! Can’t wait to read more! No fair… a cliff-hanger. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Love it, love it, loooove it! The illustrations are perfect, too.
    I’m glad you went ahead and posted this. You’re right, we need humor to get through these tough times.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Just what the doctor ordered—Suess, that is. Fun stuff, Mitch. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Little Rock, Big God | Mitch Teemley

  8. smzang says:

    You couldn’t have written this with such flair if you didn’t have a thorough knowledge
    of Exodus. It works splendidly! Thanks for the laughter…it is needed!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. BelleUnruh says:

    I loved this. Really funny.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Jennie says:

    Excellent, Mitch.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. You and your wife are the epitimy of creativity! This is so great…especially the Sheebrooz LOL…and can’t wait to read the rest. You are too much!! May I have your permission to read this to my Bible study gals?

    Liked by 1 person

  12. oneta hayes says:

    Wonderful telling of the story.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. numrhood says:

    “the lord is my refuge, the lord is my strength,” revelation 46:03

    Liked by 1 person

  14. GP Cox says:

    Terrific, Mitch.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Katie R. Dale says:

    Mitch, who did the artwork?! Great poem. God is at work – put Moses on my heart this morning, before I read this.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Pingback: Wharton Finds a Whatzit, Part Two | Mitch Teemley

  17. Sandi says:

    Well done! Can’t wait for the next installment.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Gritty Momma says:

    This is so fantastic!!! Absolutely our family’s kind of humor. Sharing with all of them. 🙂 Tell your wife the illustrations are spot-on!!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Pingback: Little Rock, Big God | Mitch Teemley

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