My Scar Stories


“If Adventure has a Name…”

Impulsive actions make great movie scenes. But in real life they can get you killed. Or worse: in trouble with Mom and Dad.

I mentioned previously that I was clumsy. I’ve come to the conclusion that my clumsiness is rooted in impulsive actions taken while I am, 1) moving in one direction and, 2) looking in another. There’s never been a time when this wasn’t so; I was moving in one direction and looking in another when I exited the womb.

All of the events that happened in Downey, California, occurred before I was 7, because that was when we moved away. So, although the exact date I climbed The Great China Cabinet is unknown, it was definitely during the classical period known as The Downiad.

I decided to scale it at around 4 a.m. (Mom and Dad were still inexplicably asleep.) It was a mysteriously dark summer morning, perfect for adventure. After much deliberation, roughly 1/3rd of a second, I began my ascent. I opened the bottom drawers, et voilá, two perfect steps appeared! Soon my feet reached a precipice, above which lay the legendary shelf-lands.

I opened the oaken doors, careful not to lean too far back. The climbing was easy at first: the porcelain serving dishes and crystal goblets watched placidly as I glided past them on my epic journey upward. But soon the cliff began to rattle. I tightened my grip. The rattling ceased. But then something occurred that I was powerless to stop: an avalanche! The entire mountain lurched forward. And then, in one breathless moment The Great China Cabinet that had stood for millennia crashed to the valley of Living Room far below!

Why wasn’t I killed? Somehow those open doors and out-slid drawers created a hollow just big enough for a skinny sherpa-boy.

Mom and Dad, who weren’t awake when my adventure began, were now suddenly present. They were terrified that I’d been killed. Or that I hadn’t and they’d have to do it themselves.

Miraculously, I survived without a graze! The porcelain didn’t.

How is this a scar story? I felt so bad about destroying Mom and Dad’s china that a week later I decided to make it up to them by fixing them breakfast in bed. At 4 a.m.

Who knew those old glass milk bottles were so heavy, or so slippery when you lifted them off high refrigerator shelves with one hand, while fishing for strawberry jam with the other, and looking over your shoulder? Or that they hurt so bad when they detonated on your foot, producing torrents of pink milk?

I still have an elegant half moon scar on my left foot to match the one on my right. And every time I look at it, it reminds me of the moon on that fateful morning, the morning I climbed…

The Great China Cabinet!

To read my next Scar Story, click here.

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Humor, Memoir, Story Power and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to My Scar Stories

  1. Pingback: My Scar Stories | Mitch Teemley

  2. An absolutely great read! Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You had me in stitches with this one! Such a great story! I’m definitely going to pass it on to my daughter-in-law. Our one-year-old granddaughter has the same spirit of adventure…already! Oh, the joys ahead! Hopefully, this will prepare my d.i.l. for what’s ahead… or scare her to death! LOL

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Also decided it was too good not to share… posted to my FB page! Thank you Mitch!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. ekurie says:

    OH wow … I thought my genius brother invented the magic drawer stairs. Fortunately when he made his fearless climb the cliff side was built-in. He did get to the cookie jar however.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. authorlauraslife says:

    Haha! The Great China Cabinet 🙂 I love it!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Jennie says:

    A great story. Laughed and noodled my head (I’m ‘the spiller’). You tell it so well!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Wonderful storytelling, Mitch. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: My Scar Stories | Mitch Teemley

  10. Just too, too funny! What you lacked in your ineptness as a child, you certainly made up for in your ability to spin a tale as an adult.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Francina says:

    great story, and wonderfully written. Thank you for sharing this enjoyable read.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Pingback: My Scar Stories | Mitch Teemley

  13. The Scar Stories series is hilarious and memorable, but I will resist the temptation to read the next one right now, rather than figure out what just went BANG! in the kitchen.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Eliza says:

    This one has me laughing aloud…… oh my gosh!!! I’m glad I’m not disturbing anyone with laughing. you sound like you were an adorable child.
    How did your parents reach to this one? I’m feeling a bit bad for them…
    Love, light and glitter

    Liked by 2 people

  15. smzang says:

    “They were terrified that I’d been killed. Or that I hadn’t and they’d have to do it themselves.”
    When you wrote that, you must have settled back and smiled inside and out. Perfection achieved!

    Liked by 1 person

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