Thought for the Week
I recently wrote about speaking less and saying more. In other words, focusing more on others and less on ourselves. This wasn’t sagely advice from a master practitioner, it was a personal reminder; I have a habit of speaking all of my thoughts aloud. But there’s often another, hidden reason for my overlong stories and dazzling displays of knowledge. It’s the desire to get something. To get what?
Approval. Why? To assure that I won’t be rejected. I’m trying to prove that I’ve earned a place here, wherever “here” might be. In this job. In this relationship. Even this family.
At the risk of playing amateur psychologist, it didn’t help that my father used phrases like, “If you had half a brain you’d be dangerous!” It was raw criticism, not advice. All I got out of it was that my father didn’t approve of me. “Good thing I have less than half a brain,” I’d think, “or he’d be even madder.”
Dad often threatened to give me “something to cry about” when I reacted in fear to one of his angry outbursts. Then he’d walk away in disgust and never mention it again. Leaving me to wonder whether this was it, the final, one-way ticket to rejectionland. Dad’s love felt conditional. It wasn’t, but he didn’t know how to communicate that.
It wasn’t punishment I feared. It was rejection.
So, tell me again, what are the conditions for unconditional love? Oh, yeah, there aren’t any. But I didn’t get that, and some part of my less-than-half-a-brain still doesn’t. So I sing for my supper. I tell a witty story or impress with my knowledge for the wrong reason, to get something, rather than give something. To get acceptance, love.
Enter God.
Five years ago, while praying about my longstanding promise from God, “In quietness and confidence shall be your strength” (Isaiah 30:15), I suddenly realized I’d missed the point. The key to fulfilling that promise, the basis for finding strength in “quietness and confidence,” was God’s unconditional love.
I was standing under an oak tree at the moment, and happened to look down at this perfect little acorn. God’s spirit whispered to me, “That’s your promise, Mitch. Now plant it in your heart and let it grow. I fought back tears as I recalled that the Hebrew root word for oak, “el,” means “strength” It’s from the same root as the word for God.
My strength is rooted in my Creator.
That acorn lives on my dresser now, as a reminder that I finally planted God’s promise in my heart. And often when I speak, I tap my chest, reminding myself that “God lives here” and will never leave me nor forsake me. So I’m free to speak less and say more. And if I do choose to tell a story or share a bit of knowledge, it need only be because I have something to give — I no longer need to get anything.
I already have all I need.
Many of the posts you have written are beneficial to your readers whether or not you wrote it to extol yourself. Thanks, Mitch, for all your helpful tips, interesting stories, and faith-based messages. 🙂
My privilege, Nancy, and thank you.
Boy, can I relate to what you wrote. I also hold on to “having all I need.” Thank you, Mitch!
My privilege, Dana.
“To get, rather than to give” is quite the profound insight. It really makes clear how the exact same action can be from a healthy place just as much as an unhealthy one. It’s definitely something I’m also guilty of.
I suppose we all are to varying degrees, Abe.
“My strength is rooted in my Creator.” Beautifully said! Wonderful thoughts!
Thank you, Scott!
Yes and Praise God! How come it takes us so long to get it? (me too)
Well, I can’t speak for you, Sheila, but in my case it’s because I’m so thick-headed. Yet it’s just a blink of an eye in God’s time.
Great post Mitch. I love that you kept the acorn. Sometimes those little things can mean a whole lot and that acorn does for you. Blessings to you!
Thank you, Mags. I’ll say hello to the acorn for you. ;>)
Thank you. 🙂
Beautiful….
Thanks, Matilda❣
Wonderful, Mitch! The unconditional love of God from head knowledge to your heart and became a part of you. Only God does this. ❤️😍Hazel
Bless you, Hazel.
Thank you Mitch.
“My strength is rooted in my savior.” Amen.
🧡
Love that pictorial Truth, Mitch!
Blessings!
Likewise, dear Anne.
This is gold Mitch. Best yet and I have read a lot of your stuff. Sounds a bit like Batterson’s ‘ The Circle Maker’ Well done good and faithful servant.
Thank you so much, Norm.
Many parallels in our life stories, brother.
I’m not at all surprised to hear that, brother.
In the time I’ve been following you, Mitch, I’ve always found your posts to be giving. There’s always an insight or an acorn of importance. I thank my Creator for you in my prayers every day. Keep on giving, my friend. ❤️🙏✝️
Likewise, dear friend. 🧡
I am not a religious person yet I find this post fantastic.
The simple phrase of active listening goes a long way. I know I can be better at it.
We all can, Mark. Thanks.
An interesting post.
For a long time, I didn’t fear rejection, I embraced it because it gave me a feeling of knowing where I stood in the world.
For that reason I stayed away from any potential relationships, and concentrated on my career and just about everything else.
Looking back at those years, I have mostly good memories of them. They were mostly simple uncomplicated happy years, but with something missing.
That’s understandable.
A beautiful truth, Mitch. How many of us have not been there, if not now, at sometime in the past? I don’t always know for sure if people accept me for who I am, or if they reject me in whole or in part, but I am always sure that the Lord loves me no matter what I am. And knowing that, I want to keep on becoming more and more like Jesus in order to enjoy more and more of that unconditional love from His heart and so I can love Him more and more. It’s a win/win situation every time.
It is indeed, Diane.
Well written post, speaking less and saying more, powerful
Thanks, L.G.
Love this, Mitch, and amen, and I’m sorry you felt love was conditional (as so many of us did/do). In an adult parishioners’ religious ed discussion series one night, a priest spoke of God’s love as unconditional. “God doesn’t love a Pope or a Mother Teresa more than He loves any one of us.” 😯…
And amen to that, Carol.
Thank you for sharing, Mitch.
My privilege, Andrew.
Amen, Mitch. I have happy tears because this “spoke” to me in so many ways, today. When we choose to live the New Convenant life–the indwelling–not the “knowing” but the complete experience—well, if I had any more brain, I’d be dangerous. But I’m so thankful that God has my whole heart and more. I’ll remember that acorn, Mitch. To give. GIVE. We have all we need. You’re a blessing to SO MANY. Thank you for giving.
“My strength is rooted in my Creator.” AMEN! Many hugs and blessings to you and yours, dear friend. 💚🙏🏻
You’re words have blessed me back, dear friend❣
❤️❤️😢🙏♥️🤗🤗🤗
I can totally relate.
Mitch,
Thank you for once again sharing so transparently. Your experiences speaks volumes to those who have experienced similar heartache. The love of God is the answer. I love this quote, “Wr are more sinful than we realize, but more loved than we’ll ever know.” His love is limitless! If we all lived in the good of this truth there would be more genuine love for our brothers. It starts and ends with Him!
Amen, Debi! https://mitchteemley.com/2022/01/13/the-true-fable-of-toby-the-turtle/
Beautiful Mitch. Thanks.
isaiah 55:40 that’s a typo
No, it’s not, Rudy.
how many verses do both chapters have
This was beautiful and deep. Thank you for sharing your faith through your writing.
My privilege, Cari.
Why did this piece make me tear up?
🧡
This could well be my most favourite post of yours Mitch. Thank you 😊
I’m so glad it spoke to you, Nicola.
This is touching reflection and it beautifully echoes one of the most profound truths of Indian spiritual philosophy: that God is not somewhere outside us, but within us.
The Upanishads declare — “Īśāvāsyam idam sarvam” ie. the Divine pervades everything, including the human heart. Swami Vivekananda often said, “Each soul is potentially divine; the goal is to manifest that divinity within.”
Your realization under the oak tree mirrors this same truth. The strength and acceptance you sought were never to be earned from others they were already present, quietly waiting to be recognized within. In the Indian tradition, this is the moment of Self-realization when one stops seeking love and approval outside and begins to experience the infinite completeness of the soul inside.
Your acorn is like a living symbol of the Self small yet containing the entire potential of the mighty oak, just as the human heart contains the infinite presence of God. Once that truth takes root, we speak not to be accepted, but to express the love that already fills us.
Truly, when we know that “God lives here,” we no longer seek we share.
Thanks Mitch.
Our beliefs are not the same, but thank you, Vaibhav.
I didn’t remember that the Hebrew root word for oak, “el,” means “strength” and is the same root as the word for God. Our neighbors on both sides of us have oak trees; lots of acorns fall in our yard and even on our deck. I’m going to look for a perfect one as my own reminder that God is my strength, then set it on a scripture card: “I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer” (Psalm 18:1-2). (I can use all the reminders I can get!) Thank you, Mitch!
My privilege, Nancy!
Great message, Mitch, and I really like this: “So I’m free to speak less and say more.” I might need to think about that some more.
Understandable, Edward. I chew on that one every day.
Very well said
Thank you, GC (I’m afraid I don’t know your name).
Geeta
Good to officially meet you, Geeta❣
Wow nice insight!~
Thank you, Stella.
Wise Words 📌
Thank you, Jovale.
This story really touched me. It reminded me how childhood shapes the way we seek love. I love the message about finding strength in unconditional love.
I so pleased that it touched you, Yuina.
My dad is wonderfully funny but has always been amazingly critical. Tough to overcome the emotional damage.
Yes, for so many people, it is.
Beautiful and honest story, Mitch! Thanks for sharing your life journey with us. Inspiring and powerful.
I’m so glad it spoke to you, Peggy.
Blessings, my friend!
A beautiful piece Mitch. I spent a lifetime trying to “measure up” only to learn after my father passed the very lesson of unconditional love that he was trying to teach me but I was too stubborn and rebellious to learn.
🧡
I never knew ‘el’ is the same root word as oak, and good. Thanks for that, Mitch.
My privilege, Maria.
Lovely. God’s unconditional promise to you. Humans – even parents – can never match it.
Oh, so true, Stephanie.
And yet no man is an Island.
Even the mighty Oak seeks company by propagating its kind.
Hello Mitch,
It’s been a while since I’ve seen one of your posts, and thanks for the ‘like’ on my site. I really appreciated the honesty in your writing—it felt authentic and refreshing. Your openness struck a chord with me, especially since I’ve carried a fear of rejection from childhood for much of my life. The way you described your relationship with your father mirrors mine so closely, and especially your insight into how he struggled to express love really resonated.
On a lighter note, I just finished a short piece called *The Oak Tree* this afternoon. I enjoyed it so much that I ended up turning it into a poem. Thanks again for sharing your post—it left me wiser and encouraged. Blessings, Peter-James.
I’m so pleased to hear it spoke to you, Peter.
All of us who write have the same disease.
I suppose that’s so, Marty.
Pingback: Is My Faith Changing Who I Am? - Mitch TeemleyMitch Teemley
Pingback: I Have to Defend My Kid! - Mitch TeemleyMitch Teemley