Photo by Emmanuel Avila
Thought for the Week
I usually cringe when I see “Believe in Yourself” articles. Because, while valid in theory, in practice they often feature empty self-affirmations. Not meaningful correctives like, “I deserve to be loved.” But vapid mantras like, “I am the center of my universe!” And psychologists have shown that exaggerated self-talk has no impact on real self-esteem.
This can also devolve into the false idea that We can’t meet anyone else’s needs until we meet all of our own. What’s wrong with that? Since our own needs are never completely “met,” it leads to permanent self-focus, and even to self-deification (“I am the god of my universe!”).
It’s neither wise nor healthy to focus exclusively on ourselves. Why? Because fully developed selves are inextricably tied to other people. In fact, multiple studies have shown that loving and helping others is often the key to loving and helping ourselves — and not the other way around.
However…
A healthy trust in oneself is important. I experienced this first hand during the making of my first feature film. I wanted to do what my Creator had called me to do. But the night before filming began, I acknowledged my fear of failing. And God’s still, small voice whispered back:
Do you believe this is My project?
“Yes. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be doing it.”
So, you’re aware that I’ve been preparing you for this your whole life?
“Um…yes?”
Then believe in yourself, as well.
“But, how can I—”
Because believing in your ability to accomplish it is inseparable from believing in My ability to accomplish it. I made you for this. Yes, it may be challenging—it will be challenging—but you will accomplish it.
“Um…OK.”
Now get some sleep!
The next day, on the way to the set, I reminded myself, “God made me for this. Therefore I can do it.” Interestingly, this realization humbled me, yet empowered me at the same time. Because healthy, non-narcissistic self-belief is rooted not in delusion, but in reality. And the best self-belief is rooted in the ultimate Reality of…
The One who made us.
You articulated this so well. I believe self love and self care has the potential to become narcissistic when we don’t center it from a selfless view.
I’m so glad this spoke to you, Iba.
I resonate with so much. What I’ve observed is this talk on self love to the detriment of others. It is this unhealthy approach that one has to love and care for oneself without thought for others feelings. We are only feeding into the self centered behavior that already permeates and this is scary.
I couldn’t agree more, Iba.
i like the way you put it Mitch. I’m going to start saying that I have “a healthy trust in myself”.
and I believe in it’s importance. as I’ve learned, whether you believe you can or you can’t, both things are true in different times. Mike
Precisely, Mike.
I went through something very similar when I wrote my first book. “I’m not a writer.” “You aren’t writing it, I am.” “Ahhh, okay.”
!
I intend to hijack your self affirmation. 🙂
Hijack away, Nancy. But don’t forget to mail me a dollar each time you do. ;>)
Wise words indeed. People who focus only on themselves and ignore the needs of others are very annoying. Like you say, a healthy trust in oneself is important but that does not mean self-centeredness.
90% of the experts in all walks of my life were wrong . I’m glad I listened to myself, not them. Other times I knew my way would mean failure, was ready for it and always came out wiser for the next endeavor. However, I do not act dismissively all the time and will listen and if the other way makes sense I’ll do it their way. I also rely of the guidance from above. That means don’t act impulsively. Often I’ve been clueless but waiting a day or two, I am astounded the path for me is illuminated by the Holy Spirit.
Onward and upward, Carl.
Very well said, Mitch. Like so many things, it’s so easy to fall off to one side or the other and miss the mark down the middle.
You’re so right, Abe.
Very well said. I agree with Abe. I believe we have taken self-care to the extreme. As a certified Christian life coach, I am challenged with presenting the balance. Thank you for sharing, Mitch,
My privilege, San.
It’s the very same thing that cast the devil from His presence, it’s the very same thing that tripped up Adam and Eve, it’s the very same thing I struggle with inside of me. I want to be just like God. He did consider, equality with God as something to be grasped. Well written Mitch. Thanks for confirmation in so many ways.
My privilege, Norm.
Amen! It is both terrifying and humbling to realize that “belief in God” is at some level equivalent to “believing in myself…”
It is indeed, Ernie.
This is so precious Mitch. And powerful. The testimony of your close relationship with God and the story! Thank you. (I was having a similar conversation myself this weekend but sometimes it’s hard to believe God could really be speaking that specifically. You just affirmed it. That’s why it’s precious! 😃
Aw, bless you, Deborah!
I love this Mitch. Thanks, your messages is a true nugget of wisdom and a realization that we should strive to discover what God has made us for.
So glad it spoke to you, Rob.
Mitch, as always your posts are genuine and uplifting. Thanks for the link to your movie, which I will watch this week.
Delighted to hear that, CT (may I ask your name, btw?).
Good words to live by Mitch. Many years ago, I took a journey into the “self-help” world of books and false gurus. I read a few and came away feeling worse than when I started. Love-Love Panda and Love Yourself type of affirmations just didn’t do it for me. I do like Tony Robbins because he is down to earth and calls it as it is. Instead of reading more books and watching more videos, I picked up my Bible. Journey ended, found what I was looking for.
Glad to hear that, Phil. Bible verses have so much more depth, and can serve as powerful “affirmations” from our Creator.
Very well said ! Belief in God and God is inside us , so “believe in myself “ first thing . Discovering and full filling the task God gave us as a human is inside us .
Awesome!! Thanks! I’m struggling writing a memoir about God’s activity in my life in spite of my imperfections and unfinishedness. I suffer spells of doubt about my ability to get it right so it is a witness to God’s love of unfinished, always imperfect us. It’s hard to keep the focus on God. It’s like “Whack a mole” with “self” wanting to be the STAR.
Hi Eileen. I, too, have been struggling with writing a memoir as a testimony of God’s amazing grace in my life. Writing a memoir isn’t the easiest thing to do, is it? After struggling for years on my own with my writing project, I found a great online course that is helping me to get my memoir finished and ready to publish. Leslie Leyland Fields teaches this course, the Memoir Masterclass, previously known as Your Story Matters. Leslie is a precious Christian woman and the author of 14 published books. She also raised 6 children and worked in her husband’s Alaskan Salmon Fishing business while writing, publishing, and teaching — WOW! I will paste the link to Leslie’s course at the bottom of this comment. If you decide you want to sign up, you will get 50% off the cost with the code name ANGEL. Here is the link. (I have been following Mitch Teemley for years, I hope he won’t mind me sharing this here!) https://members.leslieleylandfields.com/share/ulXXiYThaxDNE26v?utm_source=manual
I SO get that, Eileen. And, Linda, thank you for posting the link–I hope others will take advantage of it as well. My heart-verse for memoir writing is Psalm 102:18, “Let this be written for the generation to come, so that a people not yet created may praise the LORD.”
Oh, I love that verse!!
This is a lovely truth, Mitch. ❤️We can’t and should not overfocus on self nor forget out larger support. I always appreciate your writing, insights, and truthful reminders.
Thank you, LaDonna. I’m so glad it spoke to you.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Mitch. Most of us if not all go through times of feeling inadequate. As a matter of trusting the One who made us, we must also take him at his word: he is with us (Isaiah 41:10) and he empowers us for what he calls us to do (Hebrews 13:20-21). I have to keep reminding myself, one step at a time–don’t get ahead of yourself and try to see the whole path at once (Matthew 6:34)!
Wise experience-based words, Nancy!
Cheers to healthy self-belief and the realization that The One makes all things possible. Appreciate the insightful post, thanks for sharing.
My privilege, Gene.
What if I just say a prayer for you?
Always greatly appreciated, Nancy.
If only everyone listened to God, because he is there – always. Thank goodness you did.
I liked the way you said this 🙏 I find so many people are so surface level nowadays and self-focused. But you’re right, a deep trust and intuition of oneself is most imperative.
Reading the comments is therapy in itself! 🤗Mitch, thank you for helping clear the waters about the difference between being in partnership with God and acting like I am one. The truest form of self-worth comes from knowing I was created and gifted by God for a life of good works—things He prepared in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:10).
Exactly, David.
As always, pure wisdom Mitch. Thank you.
One of the gurus said, “In the joy of others lies our own” – Pujya Pramukh Swami Maharaj. Ikigai too mentions about the four things/circles, and not just about loving oneself.
A universal truth, it seems.
Amen – and yet if it’s NOT a constant struggle, that is a different struggle
Very true, Pastor Goforth, and an astute observation.
This perspective is so refreshing! It’s true that the “Believe in Yourself” mantra often misses the mark, pushing self-centered affirmations that don’t necessarily foster true self-worth. Real confidence isn’t about being the center of the universe; it’s about trusting in something bigger and serving others. Just like in any work that involves care and attention—whether it’s making a film or even working as a carpet cleaner—there’s a purpose and connection that goes beyond ourselves. Trusting in God’s guidance helps us focus outward, knowing that we’re part of something meaningful.
Amen, Shelby.
Good perspective, Mitch. True, if you believe God made you to do what you’re doing, then not believing in yourself means you think He might drop the ball at some point. (Or thinking you have the power to mess up what God’s doing … which is really kind of arrogant, when you think about it. 😉 )
Great point, Annie.
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Great insight and wisdom, as always, Mitch!
Why, thank you, Peggy.
Most welcome!
Thank you Mitch. The older I get the more I really take to heart what my friend Edgar always tells me – It’s not important who I am but it is the most important thing to remember who’s I am.
Hey Mitch, I hope WP gets a clue and starts treating you better. AND this is an excellent set of thoughts. We are all stunningly unique and cannot necessarily expect supportive, loving, corrective, knowing feedback from anyone or anything but the Source. And we know in our hearts what the Source thinks of even the crudest of his creative efforts :).
;>) Thanks, Rita, and good to hear from you.