I knew a guy named Tarzan when I was in high school. It wasn’t his nickname, it was his real name. To add insult to injury, he was the shortest guy at our school. He was also massively into weight lifting. When people heard his name and saw his muscles, they said, “Ah, yes, that explains everything.”
On the other hand, Jeffrey Wilschke could hardly blame his birth name for his behavior. It was only after he had it legally changed that he embarked on a six year crime spree as the notorious Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop.
What we do for love: Some people evoke laughs simply by getting married. Shelby Warde and Joe Looney did just that when they invited everyone to celebrate with them at “The Looney-Warde Wedding.” So did Linday Grim and James Rather when they joyfully announced their “Rather-Grim Wedding.”
Parents who should be shot: Bill Lear, founder of the Lear Jet company, named his 4th child Shanda. Cute or cruel? You decide. But most parents are probably just cornballs, like the Tuckeys (of Kentucky) who proudly named their son Ken Tuckey. Or maybe clueless, like former Texas governor “Big Jim” Hogg, who named his beloved daughter Ima. (Contrary to legend, she did not have a sister named Ura.)
I asked my Facebook friends for some favorite real life names. Here’s what I got:
- Paige Turner – Librarian
- Justin Kase – College friend
- Major Hazzard – High school ROTC leader
- Dr. Hands – Obstetrician who delivered a friend’s baby
- Dr. Looney – Psychiatrist in Texas (what is it about Texas?)
- Molten Grassmuck – Name my wife found in a customer database
- Mr. Crapanshitty – Elder at a friend’s church, whom the pastor just can’t bring himself to call on at prayer meetings
Mitch Teemley 
The OB who delivered my son was named Dr. Grab.
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His destiny was fixed!
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He was good at his job.
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🤣🤣🤣 okay this had me laughing hard. Am African , most of our names are funny but also grannies didn’t keep records so most of us don’t even know what they mean. 😏
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;>)
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Very hilarious names. We have Funny Last Names in Maharashtra ( India) like Potdukhe meaning Stomachache, Aglawe ( The one who lights fire) or Hathimare ( The one kills an elephant). 😂😂😂
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I had a passenger on a flight when I was a flight attendant that was named Olive Pickle.
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Oh, the poor dear.
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I think with Olive Pickle I would have legally changed my name and some of the others, too. I can’t imagine what these parents were thinking when they stick a kid for life with some of these names. Not funny!
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The ones that come about as a result of marriage can be pretty funny — the parties involved knew what they were getting themselves into, and chose to do it — but the awful names some smart alecky parents give to their poor helpless kids are another matter.
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😂 These are great! Since this is a G-rated blog, I can’t say what husband-and-wife names raised my eyebrows once (and apparently permanently), but I can say that after waiting 3 days as requested for the name my somewhat Mi’kmaq mom would give the giant white teddy bear we’d gifted her, we all got very seriously settled down — until she said, “The bear’s name is ‘Hard-to-wash’.” 🤦
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;>)
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Years ago, I had a coworker whose first name is September. One day, I heard her talking on the office phone. “Hello, is this August? Hi, August. My name is September, and the reason why I’m calling you is . . .”
it took all my willpower not to die laughing. 😀
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If this were fiction, August and September would end up falling in love, getting married, and having three little girls named April, May, and June.
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;>)
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Brilliant as always, my fine feathered friend 😉
By the way, I have a friend who was born in May. Her name is June. I believe her parents did a lot of drugs back in the 60s.
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If so, then she got off easy — they might have named her Dweezil or Moon Unit.
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Right. Or Lucy Inthesky Withdiamonds.
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I told our friends the Berger’s that they ought to name their firstborn Ham.
They went and completely ignored me. Some people!
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I taught a girl called Teresa Wood…
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My sister-in-law used to work with a guy named Delbert Peepers. And my brother had a friend whose surname was Duda, and whose parents had had the effrontery to name their poor helpless son Rudy.
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Sue those parents!
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I almost went to a Johnson-Pecker wedding.
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Oy!
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sorry if I made you reconsider your comment moderation policy…
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The OB who delivered my oldest son was (is?) Dr. Zipper. My youngest son had a preschool classmate whose GIVEN name was Champagne Minx. Never did find out if she fulfilled the promise of her name.
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I refuse to think anyone is destined to be a stripper, however…
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I love the Looney-Warde one! I had a teacher called Ivy Greene. 🙂
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Aww, kind cute, actually.
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I can just hear his prayer now: “Lord, this is Crapanshitty an’ I wanna talk to you about my ancestors.”
A lovely young singer named Claudia Butt was invited to sing at a Youth Convention. The leader of the conference introduced her, “The Butts are new to our district and Claudia would like to expose herself to the ministers present.” 😳
The leader’s wife was standing by me and, rolling her eyes, said, “I wonder if he ever thinks before he gets in front of a crowd.” 😂
True story!
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Noooooooo!
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Sno Whyte and Robyn Hood
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;>)
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I grew up with a family with the last name Docktor, and yes, both parents were doctors.
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Doctor Docktor! (One of my favorite 80s tunes, btw.) https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=doctor+doctor+song&view=detail&mid=A476FC0DD63B63B5602AA476FC0DD63B63B5602A&FORM=VIRE0&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3ddoctor%2bdoctor%2bsong%26cvid%3d3a21a04bc9a345f8b7710f01fd6f5f5e%26aqs%3dedge.2.46j69i57j0l6j69i60.6413j0j1%26pglt%3d43%26FORM%3dANNTA1%26PC%3dU531
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Oh my goodness there are some really good/bad ones on this post 😁 I have never met anyone with anything to odd, but I do have a buddy named Justin Kase. Some of these names are quite embarrassing. Can you imagine being called Mr. Crapanshitty? Poor guy. Or Hey Ben, Ben Dover is that you? Oh my good these poor fellas.
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Well, at least Ben Dover is (presumably) not a proctologist.
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But his first cousin once removed, Seymour Butz, is one.
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Rim shot.
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My pediatrician was Dr. Wince. I went to school with a family with the last name of River. Sadly the parents made life difficult for the kids with the names Forest and Rocky. And a co-worker’s SIL made Leno with her name “Anita Bang” at least she was able to get married and shed the name (she had a really difficult 4 years of HS).
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I’ll bet.
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Went to school with Lois Woodcock 😯
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Oy! We had a high school teacher named Mr. Glasscock. He had a great attitude about it, though, and all the students liked him.
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I had a classmate whose last name was Woodcock. Then she married a Zitzman. Out of the frying pan, into the fire…
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Haha 😄 yikes 😬
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I grew up with a guy name President Roosevelt. I went to college with a guy name Welcome Turner. I always wondered what state of mind their parents were in when they name them.
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His first name was “President?” Oh, boy.
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Oh yeah.
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My sister went to school with Nova Cane who had a little sister named Candy Cane.
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Those parents should serve serious prison time.
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Yeah cause my best guess was one grew up to be a drug addict and the other, a stripper.
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🤣🤣🤣
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In austin, we have had a urologist named dick chopp for decades.
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Oy!
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Annette Kurten. I also went to school with Robin Hood. Unsurprisingly he became a very aggressive teenager.
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Ah, I forgot … In my town there is a young boy called Archangel Gabriel (Arcangelo Gabriele).
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Tough name to live up to!
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Ben Dover! What were his parents thinking!? 😂 😂
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They weren’t!
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When I worked as an emergency registrar, one young mother registered her infant daughter named Chlamydia. I can’t remember how she spelled it, but I asked her why she picked that name, and she said, “It’s such a pretty name!” She appeared to have no clue chlamydia was an STD!
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Chlamydia, Gonorrhea and Syphilis — weren’t they King Lear’s daughters?
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A woman I know worked as a nurse at an inner city clinic, and she swears that one of the women they served had named her daughters Syphilis and Gonorrhea.
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Oy!
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And then there are those who marry into names, like a woman I knew who became Holly Peña.
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¡Ay, ya!
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I have a friend whose surname was Blaskowski until she married a man whose surname was Kolodzne. She is currently married to man whose surname is Kujawa. The things we do for love…
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Tom Collins, a bar tender
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;>)
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My mother went to school with Ima Bird
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My mother-in-law apparently had a classmate in high school in the 1950s named Frank N. Stein (and the yearbook included his middle initial).
For another amusing name, one of the founding members of the Electric Light Orchestra was named Roy Wood. His daughter is named Holly.
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I have been sitting here laughing uncontrollably. This is hilarious including the comments!
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I’m loving the comments too, Pastor Ross.
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I have a friend who met someone named “Influenza” and when she questioned it the woman said “Oh, si, old Spanish name.”
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Hmm, sounds like she was pulling your pierna. ;>)
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I dunno, with all the bizarre people and situations I have encountered alongside her, I believe it!
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This is an interesting topic, Mitch. I feel bad when a parent knowingly burdens a child with a bizarre, weird, or vulgar name or initials for whatever reason.
I have a few, but my favorite for good reason is my electrical contractor’s surname Best. He is successful, always optimistic, and cheerful. . . who wouldn’t be when you’ve been called “best” your entire life? I’ve joked with him that I want to be adopted so that my perfectionism could cease, I’d be BEST.
I know a woman named Kari Carry. When we met she completed her introduction by saying, “and don’t blame my parents. I married into that.”
The last name of a local pastor is Church.
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;>) I had a friend named Keith Person who became a church pastor. So we labelled him Parson Person.
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That’s a fun one to say.
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In our little town in Michigan we had an English teacher, Mr. Read, another high school teacher, Mr. Drudge, a writer for the newspaper, Nancy Storey, and two dentists – Dr. Fear and Dr. Payne. I didn’t go to either of them, but my dentist had an assistant named Barbara Butcher – yikes!
A young couple we knew were getting married, her last name was Bloom, his was Fowler. Their on line wedding page was entitled “Bloom like a Fowler.” ( ❤ )
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You’re a treasure trove of fun names, Annie! I particularly like Dr. Fear and Dr. Payne.
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Lots of interesting/fitting names for such a small town, huh?
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Please remove my comment from the public site. I did not intend for it to be a public post, just a personal response. I do not want to put that out there. Thank you!
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Done.
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To this day don’t know if it was true but my mother said her family knew a woman named Maida Pew – true or not it stinks to have a name like that
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Candy Barr, a college friend, and Kishma Ash, my dad’s college friend. No kidding!
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Kishma Ash! Oy!
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Indeed!
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Too funny! I went to school with a Crystal Glass. Didn’t even realize her name was “funny” until many years later hahaha.
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I had a customer called Joe King – when I met him, I almost said, “You must be Joe King.”
My local butcher is called Lamb.
One of the doctors who saw me when I broke a ligament skiing was called Doctor Schamasch – pronounced Dr. Smash!
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;>)
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Thank you for the laugh!🤣🤣
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My pleasure, Stephanie. And good to meet you!
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It’s a pleasure to meet you too Mitch😊
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