Floppy Fish Fingers

cod-fish-fingers

CaptureMy Featured Blogger this week is Ben Goddard, a.k.a. Benny Boy. I recently discovered Ben and know very little about him except that he’s very British and very funny, loves tea but hates coffee, and (here’s an enigma) rather un-Britishly drinks Coors beer. Quick tip for non-Brits: When Ben talks about buying groceries from Iceland, he’s not referring to the country, but to a supermarket chain that specializes in–you guessed it–frozen foods. Right then, grab your trolley and press on!

I was getting my food delivered long before COVID made it cool. I avoid supermarkets in much the same way that Chris Witty avoids blinking.

I’ve just never been comfortable in that environment. Everything seems to so easily wind me up in there.

They move the eggs to a different aisle. My day is ruined.

They’ve run out of my cat’s favourite meat, so she’s gonna kick off when I get home. My day is ruined.

Then there’s the self-service checkout machines, they seem to have it in for me. Always giving me grief about my debit card etiquette.

‘Card inserted too early’

Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I had to give you ample warning in order for you to perform the only thing it is that you do.

‘Please fully insert card into reader’

Oh great, so now I’m getting self-conscious about the size of my debit card.

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About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Humor, Quips and Quotes, Writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Floppy Fish Fingers

  1. Mitch, for some reason I skipped the intro and actually thought this was you for a moment! Then all the Bristish-isms clued me in. I’m glad I enjoy grocery shopping more than this chap! (But he’s funnier than I am.) When I’m aware that Jesus is with me every moment, I can smile at other customers, joke about the way they’re always moving stuff and replacing it with “new and improved” (What’s wrong with the old and original?), and laugh with the employees about the moody check-out registers. Usually when I’m friendly with people, they’re friendly back, and I leave in a better mood than when I came. But that’s just me… 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. gpavants says:

    Mitch,

    I am guessing your blogger is English or Australian? I love their terms.

    Gary

    Liked by 1 person

  3. revruss1220 says:

    Hilarious! “Are water balloons OK?”
    This guy is a keeper. Thanks for introducing us to him, Mitch.

    Liked by 1 person

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