Travelling First vs. Worst Class

I used to travel two or three times a month, middle class all the way. Oh, occasionally I’d get a mileage award bump to the slightly cushier first-class section, basically upper-middle-class. But the lower-middle-class coach section was fine, really. Once, my rental car company upgraded me to a Lexus with a bunch of little voices; if I failed to shut the door tightly, a voice would scold, “Door is ajar!” So I worked up a little comedy routine with the car. Me: “Hey, car, when is a door not a door? When the—” Car: “Door is ajar!” We had a great time, that car and I. But honestly, I was fine without the voices (I have plenty in my head). Another time, my host booked me into a first-class hotel room with—get this!—a drinking fountain in the toilet! Weird. (It was good-tasting water, though.) Still, a nice clean economy room would have been fine.

But that was then.

Last month, we flew to Los Angeles sitting on cloth-covered 2 x 4s —while, passengers in the newly-expanded first class section kicked back on leather recliners in private cubicles with full desks, beds, and large screen TVs (seriously).

Why the change? Someone figured out that:

  • 100 people paying $300 for coach class and 20 people paying $500 for first class = $40,000, but…
  • 100 people paying $400* for coach class and 20 people paying $2,000 for first class = $80,000!

In other words, there’s money to be made by eliminating the middle class. In what I call the Firster vs. Worster Class system, the worsters (basically, peasants) pay more for less than they used to get, and the firsters (royalty) pay more (way more) for more (way more) than they used to get. E.g. Emirates Airlines offers luxurious firster-class flights to the Middle East for $50,000 – roughly fifty times as much as coach (worster) class!

The same applies to entertainment. Last month, my wife and I spent $400 for a no-frills day at Disneyland that cost us half that much last time we went.  3/4 of our time was taken up with waiting in lines and riding the shuttle to and from our parking area in Honduras. But for three times as much money, we could have had a line-free firster-class experience. As it was, we managed to squeeze in five rides, one of which, the new Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance, cost us an extra $40 to skip the 3-4 hour wait.

Goodbye, middle class. Hello, haves and have-nots. How can these extremes be re-balanced? Maybe a contest. We could call it something like…

The Hunger Games.

*Due to extra fees for formerly free services, economy (worster) class actually costs more than it used to.

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Humor, Popular Culture & Entertainment and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to Travelling First vs. Worst Class

  1. WebbBlogs says:

    I have never been on a plane and had no idea what the inside looked like. I thought there was only coach and first class. That is until I started watching travel videos and learned that I was wrong. lol 😁

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Crazine$$. I didn’t realize why husband and I were called to board last until this past November. Hard to imagine it’s all worse!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. No matter how much they pay, if the plane goes down, the result is the same for everyone no matter how much they paid.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I think I’ll just stay home, thank you very much. My husband gives me first-class service.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. ejstoo says:

    Of course, the other side of this, you can afford to go to Disneyland and travel via air regularly…so it could be worse. …on an aside…and how to put this……ummm…are you sure it wasn’t a bidet in the toilet?

    Liked by 1 person

    • mitchteemley says:

      Just to clarify: my travel was as a guest speaker, Jean (someone else was footing the bill). And, no, we can’t afford to go to Disneyland regularly. A bidet, huh? You might be right. ;>)

      Liked by 1 person

      • ejstoo says:

        So you are important. I would not do well being important…especially if I had to do public speaking. I like to be able to think about stuff and write rather than speaking. I have a little voice anyway and teacher voice gets hard to keep up. It’s a European thing, the bidet 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  6. murisopsis says:

    I can attest to the veracity of the first vs worst class on 2 different airlines!!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. rwfrohlich says:

    Guess I’ll have to go back to riding my mule. It’s the no-class option.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. C.A. Post says:

    Anita and I gave up on Disney when they “woke” up. So sad, they are even promoting transgenderism and LGBTWFXEYZM to children.
    And flying is NOT on our radar any time soon. “Leave the driving to us.” 😉

    Like

  9. Ana Daksina says:

    You got parking in Honduras? Oh, maaaaaaan… How do YOU rate? I had to rocket in from the Moon! 😆

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Ana Daksina says:

    I had to recommend to subscribe. 🙄

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I feel your pain. We do not have to budget for air travel, but we are now planning a second “annual” family Disney trip (California) – which as you note will cost a lot more to get the upgraded experience. But I am hoping that in my old age, my grandchildren will look kindly on their destitute PopPop. And include me in their travel plans!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. That’s too bad! Great description of the seats you sat in though! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I feel your pain! School holidays in Australia and there are massive crowds at airports, delayed by flight cancellations and disruptions. Flying not on my agenda anytime soon. Disney? Been there, done that in California and Tokyo before the class system thankfully. Just putting the final touches to my latest blog story – Flight. I expect to finish it by mid July. I think you’ll get a laugh or two, and identify with some of my ‘cattle class’ experiences.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Caroll says:

    You have told a very painful truth about the direction our society is taking in an amusing way. Greed is causing so many of our social conflicts. I pray we will wake up before God decides to start all over. ( At least the next Noah won’t have to fit as many animal into the ark, due to rampant extinction of species. That will leave room for cubicles with flat screen TVs.)

    Liked by 1 person

  15. pastorpete51 says:

    Ha Mitch. You think the park is expensive…try staying at one of the resort hotels around Disney’s private lake! We have flown back and forth to California quite a bit and know what you mean about the tight seating in coach. I did find Alaska Airlines to be wonderfully behind the times and offering seats that are a tad bigger at the same price as American or United. Thanks for the good laugh. Blessings my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. annieasksyou says:

    ‘The Hunger Games” is no joke. The growing wealth inequality in the US must be addressed–soon and effectively.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mitchteemley says:

      Very true, Annie, although, while it’s arguably worse here, it’s not just in the U.S. E.g. the plane we flew on was a European-made Airbus, and the most luxurious/expensive first-class sections are on Asian and Middle Eastern airlines. Meanwhile, inflation is hitting the world’s poor much harder than the wealthy. Work to do indeed!

      Like

  17. Ann Coleman says:

    You’re so right, they’re putting all their money into first class, because that’s where they make their money! Meanwhile, “commoners” pay more for less, and they wonder why violence and lost tempers during flights are on the rise. I say, if you want to fly in that much comfort, charter a plane! Just once, though, my husband and I beat the system. When we booked our flights to Ireland a few years ago, our travel agent advised we bump up to ‘business class” due to the length of the flight. She said it would give us about ten inches more leg room, which seemed worth the extra $500 per ticket. But when we boarded the plane, we were shown to the first class section: individual cubicles, our own little TV screens, fully reclining chairs, and yes, champagne as we arrived. We knew we hadn’t paid for first class (it was about $3,000 more, or something like that), and kept waiting for someone to boot us out of our seats. Never have we downed a glass of champagne so quickly! But they never did, and we got the same seats on the way home too…….We’re still not sure what happened, but it was great!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. As bad as flying might be these days, my wife and I are driving from New York to Missouri this weekend for vacation (visiting my son and his family). The only good thing I can say about gas prices is that I know a few stores where a gallon of milk costs more than a gallon of gas at the nearest station.

    Liked by 1 person

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