I’ve had persistent left thumb pain for a month. But before rushing to see a specialist, I figured I should try resolving the issue myself. So I began avoiding using my left thumb–no easy task. Finally, a few days ago I took an all-out approach and started using my left hand as if it had no thumb. Result? It feels much better. But only as long as I completely avoid using it. I can’t help but wonder what will happen if I keep this up. Here’s one possible outcome:
- Journal, Day 26 – So, it turns out it’s easier to do everything fingers-only if I do so with both hands. I’m actually quite proud of how adept I’ve become at accomplishing tasks without opposable thumbs.
- Journal, Day 43 – My left thumb seems to be healed. But I find I actually like, no prefer, doing things this way. Why did I ever think I needed opposable thumbs?
- Journal, Day 67 – More and more, I enjoy using my knuckles when I walk. It’s so satisfying to get around this way. In addition, my arms are much stronger now, so I frequently choose to swing rather than walk from place to place.
- Journal, Day 89 – I’ve started sleeping in the tree outside. I find human beds, I mean, my bed (?) so restrictive. The tree limbs cradle me gently. Plus, there are lots of tasty things crawling in the branches — yoo-oo-oo-oo should join me-ee-ee-ee!
- Journal, Day 106 – Mitch’s wife here. The neighbors were complaining about him breaking their tree limbs and staring in their second-storey windows. Plus, he doesn’t talk or wear clothes anymore, so I … I’m sorry, this is hard for me … I finally had to call the zoo.
- Journal, Day 237 – Mitch has been proclaimed a new species, “Troglodytus ex-humanus mitchelli.” He’s being studied intensely, and is in the headlines daily. Which seems to make him happy. He always did like attention.
Back to the present. Of course, things might not go this way. Still, consider yourself warned. If you have a persistent condition, see a professional! Unless, you know…
You’re really, really fond of bananas.