How to Answer Kids’ Toughest Questions

Mactan Island, Philippines -Photo by Carina ChenPhoto by Carina Chen

Thought for the Week

Who created Stonehenge? Or the statues at Easter Island? And how were the pyramids built (were Legos involved)? All great mysteries. But the greatest mystery of all is, “How do we answer kids’ toughest questions?”

Here are some challenging examples:

  • “What’s the name of the space between the bits that stick out on a comb?” (/u/siriusgrey)
  • (From a 5-year-old boy) “Mom…my belly hurts…am I pregnant?” (/u/I_Climb_Most_Things)
  • “Why did swear words get invented if we’re not allowed to say them?”
  • “Why are you buying beer, Dad? Do you know how much candy we could get with that money?”
  • “How did people make the first tools, if they didn’t have any tools?” (/u/word_nerd7623)
  • “How do I know that I’m real and not just a dream of someone else?” (/u/thinwhiteduke99)
  • “Do (babies) know they’re alive yet?” (username deleted)
  • “What did it feel like on your last day of being a child?”
  • “Why do we have to be born young and grow old, why can’t we be born old and get young?” (@KellyRocks)
  • “Why don’t crabs have eyebrows?” (/u/Gao_tie)
  • Kid: “Why are we here, Daddy?” (asked while sitting in a restaurant)
    Dad: “Well, we’re here to have lunch!”
    Kid: “No, no. Why are we here ON THIS EARTH?” (/u/kateysomething)

To help you in your quest, here are some excellent answers from Charles at (Please check with your doctor before using any of these answers):

  • Why do people die? Mostly to avoid paying off their student loans.”
  • Why do I have to eat my vegetables? “If you don’t show the members of the plant kingdom who’s boss, shrubs will start pushing you around because they’ll have no respect for you.”
  • Why do I have to go to school? “Because state law forbids my chaining you to a tree in the backyard while I go to work.”
  • What is that dog doing to that other dog? “When two dogs really love each other they…no… Well, it’s a lot like college wrestling, except…no, it’s actually exactly like college wrestling.”
  • If you die, who will I live with? “As is customary, you will be mummified and buried with me, so that you can continue to be my child in the afterlife.”


About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
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32 Responses to How to Answer Kids’ Toughest Questions

  1. Manu says:

    Ha! Loved the answers from charles at

    Liked by 3 people

  2. ejstoo says:

    Halloween edition? Mummifying 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sometimes the youngsters have really funny questions, but we should take time to answer anyone of them. Thanks for mentioning, Mitch! Enjoy a beautiful week! xx Michael

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Love this. Kids say the most amazing things!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I love your funny examples. I love that my youngest granddaughter asked her father why he and Mommy got married. She’s three. That’s pretty cool.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. robertcday says:

    I forgot how much of a genius you are, Mitch; mea culpa.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. robertcday says:

    Oh, do pass on my comments, if you’d be so kind. 😃

    Liked by 1 person

  8. But he hasn’t got anything on,” a little child said about the Emperor’s new clothes. Kids sure go straight to truth!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. All filters are off with children aren’t they, lol? They are awfully wise too. My own son (now 31) overheard a conversation where I told a girlfriend I couldn’t have a second baby, and my son sat me down later and asked “Mom, why don’t you eat more eggs?” It made a lot of sense to me! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Nancy Ruegg says:

    Don’t you just love kids? It’s one of the reasons why I became an elementary school teacher. One day we were talking about “Hooks,” the intro to a story or essay that gets the reader interested in what’s to come. I gave an example of a first sentence: “The aroma of roast beef, buttery mashed potatoes, and green-beans-with bacon filled the house.” I asked, “What does the reader want to know?” I expected someone to answer, “What’s the occasion?” or “Who’s going to eat the meal?” Instead, James asked, “What’s for dessert?!”

    Liked by 4 people

  11. Domeka says:

    As a mom I completely understand this.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Some of the questions are hilarious, others mind-blowingly deep. “How do I know that I’m real and not just a dream of someone else?” Wow, I bet that mom went to get a drink. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. gregoryjoel says:

    I’m hoping these answers work for grandkids too! One of my favorites – “Why is it raining?” Because God is crying. “Why is God crying?” It’s probably something you did…

    Liked by 1 person

  14. murisopsis says:

    Hehe! Kids say the darnedest things. Or ask the hardest questions. I once asked my father why the sky was blue. I don’t recall all of the details but he talked at length about refraction of light and water droplets…

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Uncoffined says:

    When the kids were young, I used to tell them that people from Victoria, Australia had tails, but don’t ask them about it because they get a bit sensitive about it.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I know I shouldn’t laugh at those answers to children’s questions, but I am. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  17. When my son was 6 years old (he is now 60) he sorrowfully and innocently may this comment to me: Mother said “Son, if you don’t get over there and sit down, I”m going to whip your behind.” Son replied to mother with tears in his eyes, “If this is the behind, what’s this the ‘be-front’?” 😢
    (I’m still laughing 54 years later.)

    Liked by 1 person

  18. The Q-only items and the Q&A items are all great fun, and I noticed that several of the items could be starting points for long-term intermittent discussions of deep stuff.

    For example, “… first tools …” and “… last day of being a child” can lead to understanding how neat categorizations are almost always oversimplified.  They may well be useful in some contexts, but they are harmful if taken too seriously.

    Liked by 1 person

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