20 Worst “Romantic” Lines Ever

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I went to a singles bar once and…sorry, that’s all I got.

Here are some lines I didn’t use:

  1. “You’re like a keyboard–your just my type.” Dated reference (requires knowledge of something called a “typewriter”). Still, if you’re cruising retirement homes…
  2. “I’m new in town. Can I have directions to your apartment?” Translation: “You strike me as the slutty type.”
  3. “If I could rewrite the alphabet, I’d put U next to I.” First of all, it should be “me,” not “I.” Although “me” isn’t part of the alphabet. Just as U shouldn’t be part of his life.
  4. “Is your father a terrorist? Because you’re the bomb.” Maybe if you’re a member of the Al Qaeda Singles Club.
  5. “Baby, you must be a broom, ’cause you just swept me off my feet.” Suggested response: “Blow-off, dust bunny!”
  6. “You can be my auto-correct, and I’ll be your mistake.” He doesn’t mean it. He’ll never change.
  7. “The more I drink, the prettier you get.” Translation: “I skipped my AA meeting to come here, and you’re the only other person in the bar.” Romance at its finest.
  8. “Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you everyone else disappears.” Cheese Award: Runner-up
  9. “Can I tie your shoes? I don’t want you falling for anyone else.” Cheese Award: Bronze
  10. “I’m no organ donor, but I’d be happy to give you my heart.” Cheese Award: Silver
  11. “What time do you have to be back in heaven?” Cheese Award: Gold
  12. “I’m trying so hard not to kiss you right now.” Suggested response: “I’m sorry. Let me help.” Leave.
  13. “My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.” Highest gross factor ever. Leave before he gets the runs!
  14. “Did we take a class together? No? Because I could’ve sworn you and I had chemistry.” OK, this might actually work if he/she is a science major; try following up with a series of lab experiments.
  15. “If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.” Might work if they’re a math major.
  16. “Your daddy must be a drug dealer because you’re dope.” Go ahead, insult her family and objectify her.
  17. “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” If their tone says, “This is my disarmingly self-mocking way of getting your attention,” they might actually stand a chance.
  18. “Want to get some coffee? ‘Cause I like you a latte.” If hideous groaners are your thing. Or if it’s said with an adorable Italian accent.
  19. “On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a nine. I’m the one you need.” Do you really want to date a clinical narcissist who thinks you’re “incomplete” without them?
  20. “I may not be what you want, but I am what you need.” File a restraining order. Now.

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Humor, Quips and Quotes and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

46 Responses to 20 Worst “Romantic” Lines Ever

  1. Yeah, these score quite high on the Ewww-o-Meter, particularly #13.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Lucy says:

    Yep, these lines would have anyone in their right mind running to the door. If you like someone, just talk to them, using these pickup lines makes everything worse 😂

    Liked by 5 people

  3. Pingback: 20 Worst “Romantic” Lines Ever by Mitch Teemley – DEEZ – News about Art, Books & more

  4. So, how many of these have worked for you??? (I kinda like the first one.)

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Marlapaige says:

    Got a few more:
    “You must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all evening”
    “Did you fall from Heaven, because they must be missing an angel”
    Very offensive one: so you believe in Jesus? Because if we were to f* it would be immaculate for you.”

    Yep heard those too.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. numrhood says:

    have you counted to 100

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Maryanne says:

    When I was young and single, a guy came up to me in a bar, dangled his car keys in my face and said, “See that” pointing to the Mercedes emblem on the key, “Wanna go for a ride in my Mercedes?” I said, “No thank you, I think I’ll take a walk in my Levi’s.” Ha-ha! 🙂

    Liked by 5 people

  8. rwfrohlich says:

    Thank God I’m married.

    Liked by 5 people

  9. oh my. I’m sure I’d still be single if I’d ever used those with my wife.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. atimetoshare.me says:

    The “how to remain single “ vernacular. Funny🥸

    Liked by 4 people

  11. Christo N says:

    Hilarious, pick up lines in general just seem like a life fail. A fun read😃

    Liked by 2 people

  12. TEP336 says:

    I met my wife through my best friend’s wife. The first time we met, I barely said anything to her. While she was speaking with my friend’s wife, she mentioned that she was considering cutting her hair, which is this magnificent lion’s mane. Before leaving, I took a moment to utter the very first full sentence I had ever uttered to her. “You shouldn’t cut your hair, it’s glorious the way it is.” A little over seven years later, and it’s still glorious. 😁

    Liked by 4 people

  13. Michele Lee says:

    These are so bad! 😂

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Pingback: 20 Worst “Romantic” Lines Ever – CURIOSIDADES NA INTERNET

  15. Unicorn Dreaming says:

    I used to get hit on a lot when I was young and I found a really good way to get rid of them was to say I was a nuclear physicist.. they couldn’t compete with that one so just phizzeled away.. 😊😊😊

    Liked by 3 people

  16. Paula says:

    I kid you not…
    A guy I knew from AA (I was in Al-Anon) and I were at a summer party with some mutual friends. I didn’t know him well. He was sitting apart from most of the crowd and on my way to get a drink (non-alcoholic, of course), I noticed the red rose tattoo on his arm with — you guessed it — “Rose” written in the banner draping across the flower.

    “Rose, huh?” I asked.
    And in what is the best pickup line/comeback I ever heard in my life, he replied “Yeah, wanna change your name?”

    Liked by 4 people

  17. Jeff says:

    I kind of like the four “Cheese Award” winners. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  18. herowntabs says:

    It’s so funny tho 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Bad news for anybody hitting on a cute math major: #15 is bogus and will earn a hard slap.  (At least 2 angles in ANY triangle are acute.)  And don’t even think about telling her she squares your circle. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Well this isn’t a pick up line, but once upon a time, my friend and I (both very nerdy 12 year olds or so) had an assignment to come up with a “punny” dance request for some sort of class activity, and what we came up with was…

    Your ‘ellipse’ are beautiful, and that’s no ‘hyperbola,’ will you ‘transverse’ your time and please go to prom with me?

    We liked math and thought it made sense. Haha. So there’s that lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. revruss1220 says:

    As much as I would like to believe these are the products of your fertile imagination, I suspect they have ALL been used IRL. Some probably more than once.

    (We’re not going to make it, are we?)

    Liked by 2 people

  22. These are so bad they are hilarious! LOL

    Liked by 2 people

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