I went to a singles bar once and…sorry, that’s all I got.
Here are some lines I didn’t use:
- “You’re like a keyboard–your just my type.” Dated reference (requires knowledge of something called a “typewriter”). Still, if you’re cruising retirement homes…
- “I’m new in town. Can I have directions to your apartment?” Translation: “You strike me as the slutty type.”
- “If I could rewrite the alphabet, I’d put U next to I.” First of all, it should be “me,” not “I.” Although “me” isn’t part of the alphabet. Just as U shouldn’t be part of his life.
- “Is your father a terrorist? Because you’re the bomb.” Maybe if you’re a member of the Al Qaeda Singles Club.
- “Baby, you must be a broom, ’cause you just swept me off my feet.” Suggested response: “Blow-off, dust bunny!”
- “You can be my auto-correct, and I’ll be your mistake.” He doesn’t mean it. He’ll never change.
- “The more I drink, the prettier you get.” Translation: “I skipped my AA meeting to come here, and you’re the only other person in the bar.” Romance at its finest.
- “Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you everyone else disappears.” Cheese Award: Runner-up
- “Can I tie your shoes? I don’t want you falling for anyone else.” Cheese Award: Bronze
- “I’m no organ donor, but I’d be happy to give you my heart.” Cheese Award: Silver
- “What time do you have to be back in heaven?” Cheese Award: Gold
- “I’m trying so hard not to kiss you right now.” Suggested response: “I’m sorry. Let me help.” Leave.
- “My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.” Highest gross factor ever. Leave before he gets the runs!
- “Did we take a class together? No? Because I could’ve sworn you and I had chemistry.” OK, this might actually work if he/she is a science major; try following up with a series of lab experiments.
- “If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.” Might work if they’re a math major.
- “Your daddy must be a drug dealer because you’re dope.” Go ahead, insult her family and objectify her.
- “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” If their tone says, “This is my disarmingly self-mocking way of getting your attention,” they might actually stand a chance.
- “Want to get some coffee? ‘Cause I like you a latte.” If hideous groaners are your thing. Or if it’s said with an adorable Italian accent.
- “On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a nine. I’m the one you need.” Do you really want to date a clinical narcissist who thinks you’re “incomplete” without them?
- “I may not be what you want, but I am what you need.” File a restraining order. Now.
Mitch Teemley 
Reblogged this on NEW OPENED BLOG > https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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Yeah, these score quite high on the Ewww-o-Meter, particularly #13.
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Yep, these lines would have anyone in their right mind running to the door. If you like someone, just talk to them, using these pickup lines makes everything worse 😂
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😀😀😀
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So, how many of these have worked for you??? (I kinda like the first one.)
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Got a few more:
“You must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all evening”
“Did you fall from Heaven, because they must be missing an angel”
Very offensive one: so you believe in Jesus? Because if we were to f* it would be immaculate for you.”
Yep heard those too.
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Oy!
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yep… 🤢
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Yikes. Even when I was a single, socially awkward pagan those lines would have been unacceptable. Now that I’m a married Christian, my hope is that none of my daughters falls for lines like those, and that my sons never utter lines like those. Someone ought to be ashamed of themselves.
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So be sure to teach them that the best pickup line ever is “hello. my name is _____”
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No kidding. 😂
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It always works. Even if the other person isn’t interested, you’re certainly not going to encounter the exasperated eye roll. You’ll get a surprised (and maybe stammered) response which will include a name. Then maybe get turned down, but not rudely, and not because you made someone’s skin crawl.
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Agreed. I was too socially awkward to attempt pick up lines. If anything, I was what my wife calls “unintentionally smooth”. 😂 She said that she was under the mistaken impression that I was super smooth. My friends had to let her know that I’m really awkward and not smooth, and she later joked that she wooed herself.
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My ex was so shy that his friend came to ask me out for him. I said to tell him to come talk to me himself. He tried to be smooth and almost fell, stuttered and I said yes to the date because he was sooo awkward. Then after our first date, he didn’t try to kiss me or even hug me. He shook my hand 😂 it was so wildly out of the norm that I think I wooed myself too
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It’s been known to happen. 😂
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Yes. That silly handshake. It took me so off guard that when he asked if id want to go out again I said yes 😂
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No FR someone ACTUALLY used the ‘Did it hurt?’
Did what hurt?
‘When you fell from heaven, did it hurt?’
🤢🤮 my stomach still flips thinking about it.
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OMG! That’s a great one! I got that one as well, but I was in no mood for stupid pickup lines, so even though he was really cute, I shot back “no, it just really stinks down here. Must be because I fell so close to a pile of sh*t” and looked him up and down. He looked shocked that I would say something like that, but his friends did not seem to be so surprised. One even told him “see? Real women hate that stupid shit!” Then turned to me and asked me out in front of his denied friend. He was a bit cheesy too, but not like that. He winked a me and gave me a 900,000 watt smile then introduced himself said he liked the fact that I was quick on my feet and he’d like to take me out to dinner some time. The wink and the giant smile was what made it cheesy for me – like he was in some rom-com. I graciously declined his offer, to which he took no offense. He told me that if he saw me later he would ask again, he understands that my skin is still crawling from his friend’s attempts to impress. I laughed, which unfortunately is my downfall. Almost said yes right there. But the goon squad meandered away and I resumed my evening with my book and food. When I was done, the waiter came by and told me that my bill was paid for and I was like “no it isn’t!” The waiter handed me a note – like we were in high school. It said that my dinner was on him, and there was a quote from the book I had been reading, and the line was one of the first lines in the chapter about the main character being treated to something by someone she had just met and getting upset because she felt that he would now think she owed him something, and all he really wanted was a good friend who would go out with him because all of his friends were married. When I looked up, I was met with the giant grin and a head nod. I waved my head for him to come to the table. I ordered desert and the two of us sat and ate it and talked. We actually did become pretty good friends for about two years until the woman he married decided she didn’t want him to be friends with me anymore. He surprsingly chose me and moved out and I gave him and endless amount of misery for it, especially after she called and told him they were expecting. I have no desire to be in he middle of anyone’s marriage. But, sometimes, the worst pickup lines are the best thing that can happen. If his friend didn’t ask me if it hurt, I would never have met a guy I became really good friends with. My ex also loved cheesy pickup lines. He never tried to get a date with one, but it was a joy of his to learn new ones and then just try to drop it on me to see my reaction. He generally thought my snarky answers were better than the pickup lines. Let your snark-freak fly. Men who use them get shot down with style, men who don’t get to watch men that do get shot down with style. It’s a win-win for you lol
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❤️❤️❤️ this story was so great! Thank you for sharing it. I am now smiling so big it hurts. Sounds so serendipitous.
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It was a pleasure for me lol
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have you counted to 100
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When I was young and single, a guy came up to me in a bar, dangled his car keys in my face and said, “See that” pointing to the Mercedes emblem on the key, “Wanna go for a ride in my Mercedes?” I said, “No thank you, I think I’ll take a walk in my Levi’s.” Ha-ha! 🙂
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;>)
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Thank God I’m married.
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Amen.
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oh my. I’m sure I’d still be single if I’d ever used those with my wife.
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Ditto, Andrew.
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The “how to remain single “ vernacular. Funny🥸
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If every anyone needed a step-by-step guide…
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Hilarious, pick up lines in general just seem like a life fail. A fun read😃
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I met my wife through my best friend’s wife. The first time we met, I barely said anything to her. While she was speaking with my friend’s wife, she mentioned that she was considering cutting her hair, which is this magnificent lion’s mane. Before leaving, I took a moment to utter the very first full sentence I had ever uttered to her. “You shouldn’t cut your hair, it’s glorious the way it is.” A little over seven years later, and it’s still glorious. 😁
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The perfect line, Jimmy.
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Yep, one of the best sentences I’ve ever uttered.
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These are so bad! 😂
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Enjoyable, Mitch!
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I used to get hit on a lot when I was young and I found a really good way to get rid of them was to say I was a nuclear physicist.. they couldn’t compete with that one so just phizzeled away.. 😊😊😊
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;>)
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I kid you not…
A guy I knew from AA (I was in Al-Anon) and I were at a summer party with some mutual friends. I didn’t know him well. He was sitting apart from most of the crowd and on my way to get a drink (non-alcoholic, of course), I noticed the red rose tattoo on his arm with — you guessed it — “Rose” written in the banner draping across the flower.
“Rose, huh?” I asked.
And in what is the best pickup line/comeback I ever heard in my life, he replied “Yeah, wanna change your name?”
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I kind of like the four “Cheese Award” winners. 😀
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It’s so funny tho 😁
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Bad news for anybody hitting on a cute math major: #15 is bogus and will earn a hard slap. (At least 2 angles in ANY triangle are acute.) And don’t even think about telling her she squares your circle. 🙂
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;>)
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Well this isn’t a pick up line, but once upon a time, my friend and I (both very nerdy 12 year olds or so) had an assignment to come up with a “punny” dance request for some sort of class activity, and what we came up with was…
Your ‘ellipse’ are beautiful, and that’s no ‘hyperbola,’ will you ‘transverse’ your time and please go to prom with me?
We liked math and thought it made sense. Haha. So there’s that lol.
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Smart girls are the best!
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As much as I would like to believe these are the products of your fertile imagination, I suspect they have ALL been used IRL. Some probably more than once.
(We’re not going to make it, are we?)
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Probably so, Russ. I didn’t make them up, I found them all online.
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But the comments on each are mine.
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These are so bad they are hilarious! LOL
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