My Super-Secret Operation!

Leicester Hospital (leicestermercury.com.uk)
Photo courtesy of Leicester Mercury

My Real Memoir

I asked my wife whether I should publicly share this hidden nugget from my childhood. Being pseudo-famous, I find it wise to ask my very private wife (she does sometimes go out in public) when to share such paparazzi-fodder. Her reply? “Be delicate.”

I had a “hernia operation” when I was seven. Or six. Or five. We moved when I was seven, so it somehow seems like my entire early childhood happened “when I was seven.”

It wasn’t my first trip to Hospital (I regularly visited the ER), but it was my first sleep-over! So I was kinda nervous. But mostly super-excited.

There were super-bright lights, and then they put a mask on my face, and then…

I woke up in a big bed with all kinds of neato buttons and handles, just like Captain Nemo’s submarine!

Nurse Sandy and Dr. Doctor visited me a lot. I was pretty sure Nurse Sandy was in love with me because she looked at me with big lovey-eyes. Hospital was kinda like heaven. I got tons of Jell-O, read kid’s books with Nurse Sandy, and walked around looking into other people’s rooms. Only when I walked, it kinda hurt down there–where I’d had my hernia operation.

But mostly I felt super-happy. Especially when they hooked me back up to the big bag. They even set off fireworks to celebrate my going home! Well, that and it might have been the 4th of July.

My operation was sorta goofy. It left a big scar down there and—this is the goofy part—a rubber band through (this is the thing my wife told me to be “delicate” about) my hangy parts. I was told to be super-careful not to break the rubber band.

But I did.

Mommandad thought I was gonna have to have another hernia operation, but Dr. Doctor said, “No, he’ll be OK.” And I pretty much was.

When I was big, Mom told me my “hernia” was actually an orchioplexy, an operation boys have when one of their ball-bearings doesn’t “descend” to their hangy parts. It can lower their chance of having kids later (not when they’re a kid, silly). But not me.

I had two super-duper ones!

I also had a different kind of “hernia operation” on purpose, after having kids. But this time there was no Jell-O. :>(

And no rubber band. :>)

My Real Memoir is a series. To read the next one, click here.

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Humor, Memoir and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

52 Responses to My Super-Secret Operation!

  1. Pingback: The Day I Fell In Love with Music | Mitch Teemley

  2. Gosh, you even make surgeries fun! (delicate appreciated)

    Liked by 6 people

  3. Love Alone says:

    Reblogged this on Love & Love Alone.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Bruce Cooper says:

    And that, is about as “delicate” as one could possibly make it! Nice job Mitch!

    Liked by 4 people

  5. The way you talk about the hospital reminds me of when my older brother had his tonsils out and talked about all the ice cream, etc. I wanted in, so I had my tonsils out and was too sick to enjoy the ice cream.

    Liked by 7 people

  6. I grew up in the shadow of an older brother, so my whole life was one big “not fair!”

    Liked by 4 people

  7. TEP336 says:

    I must confess that I’ve had no surgeries to speak of. With the exception of a few teeth and a part that is normally removed on male children, I have everything I was born with, haven’t suffered any significant injuries (surprisingly), and haven’t ever had the joy of being knocked out for anything. That may change in the near future, as I have a torn meniscus, but nothing is set in stone. The way you describe your experience, it must have been all kinds of fun to have nearly free run of the place. 😂

    Liked by 5 people

  8. trE says:

    Haha. This was cute and funny too. I’m glad you survived to tell the story and of course, that you were able to help gift the world two mini yous!

    Liked by 5 people

  9. K.L. Hale says:

    I first wondered why such a young guy would have a hernia operation…LOL. I’m so glad those hernias didn’t hold you hostage in life, Mitch. I laughed ever so delicately at this. 😁

    Liked by 5 people

  10. You do have a way with words. lol

    Liked by 4 people

  11. Your secret is safe on the Internet. 👍 Glad everything turned out ok!

    Liked by 4 people

  12. Kathleen Ellerman says:

    So humorously told! And it was delicate.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Neese says:

    This is hilarious. I had my tonsils out when I was about 10 from constant sore throats. Had to stay overnight. When mom picked me up from the hospital, she asked where I wanted to eat, thinking a quick stop for an ice cream sundae (I was warned not to use a straw). But I was hungry for a hamburger and French fries! Mom disagreed but stopped at our local restaurant for her youngest spoiled brat. I ate every bite and every stinking fry on my plate. The sore throat post surgery wasn’t anything compared to the ones I’d suffered before the tonsils were removed. Great writing…

    Liked by 5 people

  14. Zina Hermez says:

    Oh, my!😅🤣😂

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Yernasia Quorelios says:

    💜 No More Medical ‘Experts’ and Dentists póùr móìs tóús lé èt lá mòndè; Too Much DAMAGE!!!

    …💛💚💙…

    Like

  16. Tastefully written! ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  17. haoyando says:

    “They even set off fireworks to celebrate my going home! Well, that and it might have been the 4th of July.” That is so funny.

    Liked by 3 people

  18. 🤣🤣🤣TMI for sure!

    Liked by 2 people

  19. OUCH!!!!!!!

    Sometimes it’s a real pain being an empath. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  20. 😁 very delicate!

    Liked by 2 people

  21. Yernasia Quorelios says:

    💜 Leeches Generally Mean Well; unfortunately Many Leeches ARE Only Interested (pun definitely intended) in Profit…for example a Doctor, reportedly, said “Take the cancer treatment, you’re gonna die anyway because there is no cure and I need the money.”; what this sez about a Financially, Sexually Obsessed Human Race I am UnSure, what I AM Able to Say is that Love seems Subservient to Sex and Money

    …💛💚💙…

    Like

  22. Maria says:

    There are different types of hernia.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. numrhood says:

    you left off when you were nine

    Like

  24. No Jell-O? 😦
    Oh well, maybe your super-duper kids will make you some for Father’s Day.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Ann Coleman says:

    Isn’t it funny how those childhood experiences stick with us? I’m glad your operation went well, both when you were a child and as an adult. My husband recently had a tumor removed from his colon, and while they “were in there,” they also removed his hernia. I guess he was lucky that they did a “two for one?”

    Liked by 1 person

  26. gpavants says:

    Hi Mitch,

    I got it. I am like you, I don’t mind honesty, but those are moments that we don’t forget.

    Thank you,

    Gary

    Liked by 2 people

  27. Yael_Eliyahu says:

    Lol!!! 🤣🤣🤣 I keep trying to think about what to comment but then I start laughing again. 🤣🤣🤣 This reminds me of all the stories I heard on the various army bases I’ve lived on….only more delicate. 😂🙌🏻👍🏻

    Liked by 3 people

  28. hannahtk says:

    My dad died of Covid in December. Before he passed my siblings sent me a brief video of his child-like self ‘in hospital’ pushing buttons and looking around at at all the fun gadgetry. If he’d lived to tell about it, he’d tell a happy tale like this one. But that’ll have to wait till the other side… Thanks for sharaing.

    Liked by 3 people

  29. I hope I have such a sense of humor after my hernia operation. I am not a hospital person. 😥

    Liked by 1 person

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