What Gender Is Your Computer?


I didn’t write the following, but I do find it amusing (I don’t know who wrote it). Yes, it’s based on stereotypes, but there are some “that kinda rings true” statements. And, yes, it’s not very of-our-time; I mean, are all computers necessarily cisgender? Well, apparently, yes. I checked and it turns out all computers use “binary code” (rim shot). For now, at least. ~Mitch

Is your computer male or female? Ships are characterized as female (“Steady as she goes”). What about computers? A group of computer scientists—both male and female—were asked, and gave conflicting replies.

Computers are Female (according to Males) – How You Can Tell:

  1. No one but their Creator understands their internal logic.

  2. The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.

  3. “Bad command or file name” = “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you.”

  4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

  5. You can do the same thing for years, and then suddenly it’s wrong.

  6. They make you take the garbage out.

  7. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you never stop buying it accessories.

Computers are Male (according to Females) – How You Can Tell:

  1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

  2. They’re supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.

  3. A better model is always just around the corner.

  4. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

  5. It’s always necessary to have a backup.

  6. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

  7. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Humor, Quips and Quotes and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to What Gender Is Your Computer?

  1. Yernasia Quorelios says:

    💜 Trinary; basically Biological and Artificial Androids, Intelligence and Sexual InterActions




  2. Based on #2, my computer is definitely male!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lokesh Sastya says:

    Computers are female (according to male).

    Don’t you think internet is designed with the features of male and female?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. actually it’s a option set in the operating system and could be set to either. Kind of like you can have a light or dark background on the display. There’s a subprocess that runs in the O/S, collects certain data and determines which mode is more likely to upset the user that day. It then sets gender as need to ensure maximum stress for the user …

    and no, the user can’t control the setting.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Love Alone says:

    Reblogged this on Love & Love Alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. trE says:

    Haha. Okay, these are pretty funny!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Halbarbera says:

    😆…too funny for words…former computer consultant I fear…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. c.f. leach says:

    HahaHahaHahaHaha! Trajectories…Who knew? My friend what am I going to do with you? In these things you are so incorrigible! LOL…Blessings and Peace!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. LOL. These are priceless, Mitch!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. KT Workman says:

    Too funny…and true. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. DS says:

    Are you sure they’re all cisgendered? After all, these days they have multiple cores. Very funny post! Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Michele Lee says:

    Funny stuff, Mitch! 😂 I had never thought about the gender of my computer. Something to think about.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Yeppers… coffee spitting is a real thing now lol Blessings and honor Mitch, Christine C Sponsler

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Sexist…but kind of true too! 🤣🤣🤣

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Honestly, I would rather not know about mine. Else I might have to find a sticker to cover the camera lens.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. mine is nonbinary – that maybe why it doesn’t work

    Liked by 2 people

  17. TEP336 says:

    Truly hilarious, Mitch. Loved it.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. marlapaige says:

    This is great! Reminds me of Dave Barry’s writing! There’s an old Twilight Zone episode with Rod Serling that touches a little on this generalized concept. It’s called “From Agnes, With Love.” It’s about a quiet unassuming man who works on the “super computer” of the day – one of those giant whole room ones from back in the day. He named the computer Agnes because (as per your post) men think computers are women. The computer then starts to try to tell him what to do. It’s a great episode and you made me think of it. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Oh that was really hilarious😂

    Liked by 1 person

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