For over a year, we’ve kept a pile of face masks on our kitchen counter, ready to grab one on the way out the door. Just as Narnia is a world where “it’s always winter, but never Christmas,” ours is a world where “we always wear masks but never go to the ball.”
But that’s finally changing! Our government has announced that those who’ve been fully vaccinated no longer have to wear masks, except in mass transport situations (buses, airplanes). Yes, I know what you’re thinking:
“But, golly, I’m gonna miss wearing a mask.”
But the real question is, “What should we do with all these masks?
Here are some helpful suggestions (you’re welcome):
Diapers for Quaranteenies – A lot of babies were conceived during last year’s lockdown, and right now that means a lot of diapers! What could be more appropriate? Maybe we could print cute things on them, like, “This is how I happened.”
Loin Cloths for Sumo Wrestlers –Granted, not a lot of people are into sumo wrestling, but with all these natural loin cloths lying around that’s about to change. You’ll see–rabid sumo fans will soon be packing college and high school gymnasiums!
COVID Collectibles –Remember Beanie Babies? Well, some of them go for thousands of dollars now. So treasure your masks–one of them might just be the next Princess Diana Bear ($500,000+)!
Hamster Hammocks –Just in time for summer. Give that furry little bulbous-butted buddy of yours one of these, along with a tiny mint julep, and he’ll love you (or at least tolerate you) forever!
Yarmaskes –Mask-yarmulkes are what all the stylish mensches (or at least the snarky ones) will be wearing to temple this year!
The Maskini –It only takes three strategically-placed masks to make THE fashion statement of Summer 2021! Or wear just one mask as a racy French Maskini (can also be used as a low-budget speedo).
Pandemmy Packs –Fanny packs were totally dope in the 90s. Put a 2020s spin on the fanny pack by stringing your COVID mask onto a belt, adding keys and a wallet with fake ID, and you’re da bomb!