What Should We Do With All These Masks?

For over a year, we’ve kept a pile of face masks on our kitchen counter, ready to grab one on the way out the door. Just as Narnia is a world where “it’s always winter, but never Christmas,” ours is a world where “we always wear masks but never go to the ball.”

But that’s finally changing! Our government has announced that those who’ve been fully vaccinated no longer have to wear masks, except in mass transport situations (buses, airplanes). Yes, I know what you’re thinking:

“But, golly, I’m gonna miss wearing a mask.”

Or not. 

But the real question is, “What should we do with all these masks?

Here are some helpful suggestions (you’re welcome):

  • Diapers for Quaranteenies – A lot of babies were conceived during last year’s lockdown, and right now that means a lot of diapers! What could be more appropriate? Maybe we could print cute things on them, like, “This is how I happened.”
  • Loin Cloths for Sumo Wrestlers – Granted, not a lot of people are into sumo wrestling, but with all these natural loin cloths lying around that’s about to change. You’ll see–rabid sumo fans will soon be packing college and high school gymnasiums!
  • COVID Collectibles – Remember Beanie Babies? Well, some of them go for thousands of dollars now. So treasure your masks–one of them might just be the next Princess Diana Bear ($500,000+)!
  • Hamster Hammocks – Just in time for summer. Give that furry little bulbous-butted buddy of yours one of these, along with a tiny mint julep, and he’ll love you (or at least tolerate you) forever!
  • Yarmaskes – Mask-yarmulkes are what all the stylish mensches (or at least the snarky ones) will be wearing to temple this year!
  • The Maskini – It only takes three strategically-placed masks to make THE fashion statement of Summer 2021! Or wear just one mask as a racy French Maskini (can also be used as a low-budget speedo).
  • Pandemmy Packs – Fanny packs were totally dope in the 90s. Put a 2020s spin on the fanny pack by stringing your COVID mask onto a belt, adding keys and a wallet with fake ID, and you’re da bomb!

Now let’s hear your suggestions!

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Humor, Popular Culture & Entertainment and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

30 Responses to What Should We Do With All These Masks?

  1. The past year has certainly been a time of creativity for some people. (Love the “Home Alone” mask! 😀 ) Maybe a bunch of masks can be sewn together, patchwork-style and made into a commemorative couch pillow. (If you have enough for a quilt, you have too many masks!)

    Liked by 3 people

  2. haoyando says:

    LOL. Nice imaginative methods.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Send them all back to Fauci and tell him where to shove them. Funny faces and all.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Erika says:

    Haha, those are very good alternatives to using masks. I can imagine that they will have an appearance at the next carnival over here too and probably on Halloween in the States.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Gina Cash says:

    I must admit, Mitch, the imagery conjured by a couple of your recycling options makes be want to stay at home, lest I incur an assault on my eyes! Just say no to Sumo loin cloths and Maskinis!! Yikes!

    Liked by 6 people

  6. IDEA #1: How about tying the two strings (provided they are elastic, of course) to both sides of a forked tree branch and making a WATER BALLOON SLINGSHOT!?

    IDEA #2: Decorate with glitter and snowflake appliqués for a truly meaningful and unique 2021 CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENT!?

    Thanks for the prompt, Mitch. Now that the brainstorm machine has been activated, who knows where it will lead?

    Liked by 6 people

  7. numrhood says:

    you left off 2022

    Like

  8. Yashasvi says:

    My favourite is Hamster hammocks 😂✨

    Liked by 5 people

  9. anitashope says:

    Partial to the hamster hammock; but for me, I will continue to wear my mask in public situations.

    Liked by 4 people

  10. lilyofthevalley777 says:

    Looks like hamster hammock is the winner! That was my favorite as well, except being retired, I opted for the clear face shield when the store required facial coverings. I could breathe, but they couldn’t hear me. 😷🙃

    Liked by 4 people

  11. Hahaha!! How about pants-protecting pads for reading hilarious pee-in-your-pants posts!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Rhonda says:

    Ha ha! My favorite one is “hamster hammocks”. Thanks for the laughs, Mitch!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I would just keep a few handy. The flu season wasn’t even a season this year. It turns out that masks and clean hands work to reduce the spread of viruses, deadly or not…

    Liked by 2 people

  14. DS says:

    Incredibly clever! Thanks for the chuckles. I’m still wearing mine indoors until still more of the population are fully vaccinated. Interestingly enough, I went through a medical procedure several years ago which required me to wear masks a while after. When the mask mandate hit, I just pulled them out of the back of the drawer.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I’m guessing we’ll need them again. Sadly.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Ann Coleman says:

    The third mask was the best! As for the suggestions, I liked hamster hammocks the best too. I’ll be getting rid of some of my masks…I have far too many….but will keep a few for the next time the flu is bad or a nasty virus is unleashed. I do hope we figure out a better way to handle a pandemic, though, as I believe we’ll be feeling the effects of the shut down (emotionally, financially, and every other way) for a long time. I was reading a book recently set int he 1600s and it talked about the quarantines then from the plagues, and I couldn’t help thinking: in five hundred years, we haven’t figured out something better????

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Keeping the masks for any future possible pandemics and or people that come to work sick in the winter.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Yael_Eliyahu says:

    LOL!! This is awesome. And all of these suggestions are better than my recommendation, which I was going to share before I realized it was insensitive. However the practical version is this: stash the disposable ones in your camping bags. Remove the wires for all sorts of handy things and burn the cotton as fire starter.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Agree with Ann Coleman. There must be a better way than quarantines and wearing masks that cover our faces and make it difficult to communicate. I’m all for improving indoor air quality with proper air flow, UV light sanitizers, HEPA filters — whatever works. And also, I’m in favor of improving outdoor air quality by reducing pollution and smog, two factors that contribute to serious respiratory illnesses in addition to COVID. Seems to me these would be much more effective at controlling the spread of airborne viruses than wearing cloth or paper masks, quarantines, and lockdowns for a year or more.

    Just the same, I’ll be storing my masks in case we have new mandates in the future.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yael_Eliyahu says:

      This is actually a really well thought out comment. Thanks for sharing!! I’m all for quality air filters, as they make a HUGE difference. Even precovid my sister had asthma that dramatically improved when we got a good filter installed. And I think tesla’s and other electric alternatives are the future of transportation. 😁

      Like

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