Letters to My Manufacturer (God)


Dear Mr. Elohim,

Re. My Heart: May I begin by saying how much I appreciate the Wisdom and Maturity features you designed into this thing. Although I could wish they didn’t take an entire lifetime to become fully functional.

Re. My Body: At first it was, well, serviceable. Please note that I said was. That brings me to the point of this letter: What’s up with the Aging feature? I didn’t ask for this. And, frankly, I don’t think it’s well-designed at all! Right when the Wisdom and Maturity features start kicking in, the Aging feature starts getting more and more glitchy, plus it breaks too easily and is so susceptible to viruses! And I’ve heard some other people’s units are even worse. I think something’s gone seriously wrong at your manufacturing plant!

Btw, I’ve lowered Your Yelp rating.


A less-than-satisfied Customer!

P.S. I was going to review the Troubleshooting section of the Manual, but seem to have misplaced it. Also, is there a Warranty? I can’t seem to find it.

Dr. Mr. Elohim,

May I call you Abba?

Please disregard my previous letter.

I finally found the Manual and read the Troubleshooting section. Very helpful and, may I add, very well thought-out. But the main thing I noticed was Your Upgrade policy. Holy…! Please forget everything I said in my previous letter about the Aging feature. Now I see why it’s there. This is only a Training model! And You say the Upgraded Model will last forever and never break down? Whoa, now that’s what I call a Warranty! I mean, I’d rather have the Upgrade than this old thing any day! Or should I say “any old eternity?” LOL.

Oh, yeah, and I also read the Service section. I really liked the parts about getting to know You, and loving You and praising You forever. No problem! Once I learned about Your love and plans for me, and everything you’ve done for me, well, now all I can think about is You. And, frankly, getting an Upgrade sounds like nothing compared to being with You forever! I’m totally crushing on You, Mr. Abba!

Btw, I’ve updated Your Yelp rating. Seriously, 5 is the top number possible? They really should offer an “infinity” option. But then, I guess they won’t be around when we get our Upgrades, will they?

Sincerely I love You!

A less-than-satisfied Customer Your child

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in For Pastors and Teachers, Humor, Religion/Faith and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to Letters to My Manufacturer (God)

  1. Lesley says:

    Mitch, that’s brilliant! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Precious One says:

    Simply splendid 🥳

    Liked by 1 person

  3. landl30 says:

    I love this..especially since I’m seriously into the “aging body” segment of the deal…
    Brilliant as usual, Mitch.
    Len Freeman

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Virginia says:

    Love, love, love, love this one Mitch!!!!!!!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Beck says:

    This is such a sweet post- I absolutely love it 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  6. pastorpete51 says:

    Sounds like conversations my body has been having here a lot lately. Thanks for a post to make me smile.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Gail Perry says:

    Beautiful, Mitch! Was there a section in the manual on maintenance? I am sure Abba expects us to care for all his gifts! Stay safe and wear your mask. ❤❤🙏🇨🇦

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I LOVE this! It should be framed and hung on the wall of every retirement community and nursing home. Gotta keep that divine perspective. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  9. kellyanngegg says:

    YES! What an inspiring way of looking at EVERYTHING we go through!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. anitashope says:

    That os awesome. Going to repost it on my FB page.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hetty Eliot says:

    Really beautiful and unique.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Clever Girl says:

    Clever! I heard you can start all over again in a completely new model once the old one goes obsolete. Just a rumor but, one never knows.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. LOL! Very clever. Loved this part the best, “I’m totally crushing on You, Abba!” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh so cute! Yeah, I’m kinda ready for the forever-top of the line model myself!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Dolly Vas says:

    So cute 🙏🙏heads off to u sir,

    Liked by 1 person

  16. braypa says:

    Love it 👍 I’m sure Abba would find the funny side too 😂🤣😂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Harry Whitt says:

    Enjoyed your take, it was funny. Seems like by the time we know, it is time to go!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. haha, i am with you, looking up, praying within 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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