Dear Mr. Elohim,
Re. My Heart: May I begin by saying how much I appreciate the Wisdom and Maturity features you designed into this thing. Although I could wish they didn’t take an entire lifetime to become fully functional.
Re. My Body: At first it was, well, serviceable. Please note that I said was. That brings me to the point of this letter: What’s up with the Aging feature? I didn’t ask for this. And, frankly, I don’t think it’s well-designed at all! Right when the Wisdom and Maturity features start kicking in, the Aging feature starts getting more and more glitchy, plus it breaks too easily and is so susceptible to viruses! And I’ve heard some other people’s units are even worse. I think something’s gone seriously wrong at your manufacturing plant!
Btw, I’ve lowered Your Yelp rating.
A less-than-satisfied Customer!
P.S. I was going to review the Troubleshooting section of the Manual, but seem to have misplaced it. Also, is there a Warranty? I can’t seem to find it.
Dr. Mr. Elohim,
May I call you Abba?
Please disregard my previous letter.
I finally found the Manual and read the Troubleshooting section. Very helpful and, may I add, very well thought-out. But the main thing I noticed was Your Upgrade policy. Holy…! Please forget everything I said in my previous letter about the Aging feature. Now I see why it’s there. This is only a Training model! And You say the Upgraded Model will last forever and never break down? Whoa, now that’s what I call a Warranty! I mean, I’d rather have the Upgrade than this old thing any day! Or should I say “any old eternity?” LOL.
Oh, yeah, and I also read the Service section. I really liked the parts about getting to know You, and loving You and praising You forever. No problem! Once I learned about Your love and plans for me, and everything you’ve done for me, well, now all I can think about is You. And, frankly, getting an Upgrade sounds like nothing compared to being with You forever! I’m totally crushing on You,
Btw, I’ve updated Your Yelp rating. Seriously, 5 is the top number possible? They really should offer an “infinity” option. But then, I guess they won’t be around when we get our Upgrades, will they?
Sincerely I love You! A less-than-satisfied Customer Your child