Last Sunday, my wife and I ate in the fabled part of a restaurant known as “Inside.” Except for while we were actually eating (the intake of “food” requiring access to a facial orifice called a “mouth”) we wore our DYSC (Die You Stupid Coronavirus) masks.
And then we went to an even more exotic place, an art museum–one of those “Indoor” kind! And as requested, we wore our DYSC masks the entire time. All told, we had the cursed Alien facehuggers on for at least four hours.
And I hated it!
I have an aversion to discomfort. It probably has something to do with my OCD or my ADHD. Or maybe my PTBCD (Preferring to be Comfortable Disorder). Also, my nose runs when I wear my DYSC mask. Which means I sniffle non-stop, creating embarrassing little wet spots and obscuring how otherwise jaunty I look in the mask.
I’m not alone. Other people hate them too. Women, yes. But especially manly men like me. In fact, only about 29% of men are choosing to wear the masks. And, hey, I hear you, dudes! Except that, ironically, more men are dying from COVID 19 than women. Oh, and even if you are as immortal as you think you are…
It’s not about you, chucklehead! (I’ve always wanted to use that word.) Whether or not you know it, there’s a real possibility you’re carrying the virus and spreading it to others, who are spreading it to others… Some of whom will die. Come to think of it, “chucklehead” is way too cute a term for a person who would do something like that.
So, here’s the deal: I’ll wear a DYSC mask so you don’t die, and I would really appreciate it if you wear one so I don’t die. Deal? Oh, and (bonus point if you figured this out) the more we wear the nasty things now, the sooner the freaking virus will die (instead of us)…
And we can finally take them off!
*When I googled “facehugger” I discovered some enterprising entrepreneurs are actually selling “Alien facehugger” coronavirus masks online!