Some burning questions you may never have thought to ask: (most found anonymously)
How did evolution begin?
Science:
- If you melted dry ice in a pool, could you swim in it without getting wet?
- What happens if you turn on your headlights while driving at the speed of light?
- Would the ocean be deeper if sponges didn’t grow in it?
- If there’s a speed of sound and a speed of light, is there a speed of smell?
- Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
- If a bee was allergic to pollen would it get the hives?
- Can a pig pull a ham string?
- If you put a chameleon in front of a mirror, what color does it turn?
- If someone gets addicted to counseling, how do you treat them?
Arts and Literature:
- If Cinderella’s glass slipper fit perfectly, why did it fall off?
- Was Captain Hook called Captain Hand before he got the hook?
- Why is he called the ‘Lone’ Ranger when Tonto is always with him?
- Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
- Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard (or any body hair, for that matter)?
- At the ballet, you see girls dancing on their tiptoes. Why don’t they just get taller girls? (Greg Ray)
Language and Culture:
- Do Dutch people always split the bill?
- If a parsley farmer loses a lawsuit, do they garnish his wages?
- Are mattresses ever not on sale?
- Why don’t women put pictures of their missing husbands on beer cans?
- What do Greeks say when they don’t understand? (“It’s all _________ to me.”)
- Whose cruel idea was it to put an ‘s’ in the word “lisp”?
- If “there’s an exception to every rule,” is there an exception to that rule?
- Can an ambidextrous person make an offhanded remark?
- Why do ‘fat chance’ and ‘slim chance’ mean the same thing?
- “When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make you a vacuum cleaner?”
- If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has a right to talk?
- Why do people sink so slowly in quicksand?
- If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
- Can a short person “talk down” to a taller person?
- What’s the synonym for “thesaurus”?
- Are female teamsters “teamstresses”?
- Are male seamstresses “seamsters”?
- If you steal a clean slate, does that go on your record?
- If pro and con are opposites, does that make Congress the opposite of progress?
And finally, the biggest question of all:
- If God sneezes, what do you say to Him?
Mitch Teemley 
Reblogged this on Blue Dragon Journal.
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I love the ocean /sponges one 🤣🤣🤣
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Funny!! 😄
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I saved your list! I love it! Some questions I never thought about !:))
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If God sneezes, I don’t think any of us will be saying anything!
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;>) Let’s just pray He never catches a cold!
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Your question about God sneezing reminds me of the time my oldest son, when he was about ten or eleven years old, sneezed so hard that he shook our four bedroom, two bath, tri-level house. Nothing else ever made that house shake during the years we lived there, not windstorms, not door slams, or heavy trucks going by, but his sneeze did it.
After a shocked silence, my son said “Well? Isn’t anybody going to God bless me?”
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Alert the Guinness Book of World Records!
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LOL!
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These are hilarious!
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Fat chance/Slim chance
That’s terrific.
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Loved this post! If God sneezes and I hear it I will say THANK YOU AND BE BLESSED
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You too, Suzanne.
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I need to keep this list for when we cross the bridge and pay the toll. Sometimes the people who take our money look so bored, I’d like to have some jokes to tell while I’m driving through. But they need to be short. 😉
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Not sure if I stole some of those for my blog or if you’ve been stealing them from me for your blog …
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Channeling your inner Galagher, Mitch? 😂 Hilarious, as usual.
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I’ve never thought to ask these…
Bless us!
Love, light, and glitter
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One answer: Congress is definitely the opposite of progress at the moment
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These are wonderful, Mitch. The last one…can I say “Bless you” to God? I would like that.
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I think he would too, Jennie.;>)
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🙂
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As a kid, I really was troubled by the “Lone” Ranger conundrum. Also puzzled that the LR had some mysterious authority over Tonto. Also annoyed that many of the other white people depicted in the show had some mysterious animosity toward him. Yes, I was a weird kid.
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Yeah, you were one of those weird kids that think.
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Some good ones
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Mitch,
This is proof God gave people brains with a wonderful mix of wit and wisdom. Thanks for all you do.
In Christ,
Gary
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If God sneezes, you can say one of three things, (1) “Bless Yourself, O Lord!”; (2) “Gesundheit!” (He speaks German; just ask Martin Luther!); (3) “Wow! Check out that new galaxy!”
Some great stuff in that list.
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Love your answers, Michael, especially #3!
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