Worldviews “Glassified”

Worldviews dominate our era. The motto of the present time could be, “Everyone’s worldview is valid, only mine is valider.” The old glass-is-half-full/glass-is-half-empty metaphor seems like an effective way of “glassifying” some prominent worldviews.

half-empty-glass

  • Optimism – The glass is ½ full.
  • Pessimism – The glass is ½ empty.
  • Darwin – The glass appeared at random and without cause. Survival of the thirstiest.
  • Nietzche – The glass is dead!
  • Freud – Women suffer from glass envy; men want to drink from their father’s glass.
  • Roman Catholic – You must be sprinkled from the glass as a baby.
  • Baptist – No! You must be fully immersed in the glass as an adult!
  • Jewish – First you’ll have your glass-mitzvah, and then you’ll become a doctor.
  • Hindu – You will be poured out over and over again until you realize the glass is an illusion. Oh, and the water at the bottom of the glass is undrinkable, btw.
  • Muslim – There is one glass and Muhammad is its pourer!
  • New Age spirituality – You are the glass, I am the glass, we’re all the glass, only me a little more than you.
  • Jedi – Trust the glass, Luke.
  • Democrat –We must siphon off the top 1% of the glass to fill the bottom 99%.
  • Republican – If we fill the top 1% first, it will trickle down to the other 99%.
  • Communist – Glass warfare! Drinkers of the world unite! Arise and overthrow the pour-geoisie!
  • Millennials The struggle is real. No more sippy cups, bruh. TBH, you need to get woke and start drinking from the adult glass.
  • Gen X –  Dude, wait, which glass is ours?
  • Boomers Whoa, what happened? First I rejected the glass, now I’m the glass. Not groovy, man, not groovy at all. And don’t touch my Social Security!
  • 1970s – “Ah, ah, ah, ah, pourin’ the glass, pourin’ the glass.”
  • 1980s “You must drink it – drink it good.”
  • 1990s –  “Oops, I spilled it again.”
  • 2000s – Chillax, biatch. Wait, where’d all the water go?
  • Trump – “I’ll make the glass great again! And while I’m at it, I’ll build a wall around it. I’m the best pourer the glass ever had!”
  • Kanye West “I am the glass… Wait, no, God is the glass.”
  • Dr. Seuss – Perhaps your glass is two sizes too small.

What Glass-ified Worldviews would you add to the list?

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Humor, Quips and Quotes and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

49 Responses to Worldviews “Glassified”

  1. I fit in the “Whoa, what happened?” group. This was hilarious. I think I’ll reblog if you don’t mind.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. As a Boomer, I say: “Keep out of my glass!”

    Liked by 3 people

  3. smzang says:

    Thomas Harris (author of I’m OK, You’re OK) might say…A glass without any fear is probably just plastic.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. LOVE it! May I share on Facebook? Are you the author?

    Liked by 3 people

  5. (My husband would say, “Who’s been drinking my beer?!”)

    Liked by 2 people

  6. The Jesus glass….never empties…
    “On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. 38 Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” John 7:37-38 ESV

    Liked by 4 people

  7. Very droll. I guess I have the English teacher worldview: You can’t take someone else’s water and pour it into your own glass without citing it.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Bob & Jo says:

    Protestant …Jesus, and only Jesus, is the glass. He is the only source of the water

    Liked by 2 people

  9. WOW! This is very good!!!! I loved it!! Especially the new age of spirituality and the Jedi:)))), well, actually all of them! Very creative! Awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Leibniz and Newton have a contribution for this apt and funny list:

    Calculus – It’s half-full if you’re pouring into it and half-empty if you’re drinking from it.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. brother craig says:

    I have a friend who enjoys telling people that he’s a “the glass is 1% full” optimist.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Now we see as in a glass, darkly.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Science glass – on the surface of the earth it’s full, 1/2 water, 1/2 air (which has water vapor) …

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Good show, Mitch! Actually I think that Gen X is the most grounded, but that’s probably because I’m Gen X! LOL 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Looks like you’re going to have to publish the expanded version now. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Some of these are real glassics.

    Liked by 3 people

  17. Garfield Hug says:

    Lol! Love the ways you described the glass as it encompasses just about everyone including Trump!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Pam Webb says:

    Hater: What’s with the water? I ordered ice tea.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. This is a great analysis of the situation of which Half is which. I would be interested in the meaning of what medium would be in the bottom half. Great work Mitch, and I will always find all the good you have to offer.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Ann Coleman says:

    I love that motto! Not only because its funny, but because let’s face it: it’s the way most of us think!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Lol Amazing 👏👏👏

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Mick Davies says:

    One from the UK Mitch: from the Toffs in the upper echelons of our society who always believe in Glass distinction.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. boromax says:

    Quite clever! Go to the Head of the Glass!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. This post has a lot of glass. Very glassy.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. hcmorris77 says:

    Thanks for the laugh! That was good!!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. The ever opinionated optimistic
    artist – “Only I see the big picture.
    And it’s a pitcher half full of water.”

    Liked by 1 person

  27. wzippler says:

    Shared on Facebook

    Liked by 1 person

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