Rebel Without Applause

Eden CriedThe first film I starred in, apart from home movies, was a cheesy low-budget Rebel Without a Cause knockoff called Eden Cried. And by starred in I mean, of course, that I was an extra. I’d just gotten out of 8th grade, but looked older (see photo below), so I was cast as various teens and 20-somethings. This was it! After my stage debut the previous year, I was hooked on applause. If I could just get a close-up I’d be a star by Christmas!

We were filming at a SoCal beach when the director said, “I need a close-up of a couple making out.” I lurched forward and smiled rakishly. Amazingly, he pointed at me and a voluptuous teeny-bikinied blonde and said, “Those two.” We were hurried into position on a beach blanket and told to “get passionate.” I was excited. And a little freaked-out. So I whispered in the blonde’s ear, “This is my first time, actually.” “Doing a close-up?” she asked. “No, kissing,” I replied.

She jerked away as if suddenly realizing I was made out of jellied eels. “Wait. How old are you?”

I whispered the answer as cavalierly as I could.

“Ew!” she shrieked as she jumped to her feet. “I’m 25!”

“So what?” the director shouted, annoyed at the interruption.

“He’s 13!” she screamed.

“No, no!” I snorted dismissively. “I turned 14 last week!”

Installation of my star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame was immediately delayed.

A year later, after I’d become a sophisticated grown-up, I gave the shortcut to fame another try by I auditioning for The Dating Game. To my delight, I received a call the next day! Because I could do “funny voices,” they said I’d be perfect for an episode with three eligible bachelorettes who didn’t realize I was someone they’d gone out with before!

“I like it!” I said, delighting them with my much-sought-after approval.

“Great!” they replied. “Get back to us with the names and numbers of a dozen women you’ve dated.”

Mitch's Headshot - Age 14“Oh, uh…” I fumbled.

“What?”

“Well, I… I’ve never actually been on a date.”

Dramatic pause. 

“Wait. How old are you?” There it was again, that Walk of Fame-cancelling question.

“Uh…15, but almost 16, and I really feel I’m ready to start dating!” 

Once again, installation of my star was delayed.

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Humor, Memoir, Movies, Popular Culture & Entertainment and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

43 Responses to Rebel Without Applause

  1. Bruce says:

    Thanks for sharing that Mitch, you made me smile! Blessings.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Priceless, Mitch!
    One advantage of being our age is that there’s an almost unlimited supply of stories … as long as we can remember … :/

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Clearly a case of ageism …

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Great photo! Somebody should have cast you in a Western. You could have played John Wayne’s son! 😊 God bless!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. yakpro2015 says:

    This is hysterical! I can’t believe you would be so honest in those situations! Although I was short in stature, I was always considered older than my years. (I was shaving in Jr. High) So, I never let on that I wasn’t what I was perceived to be. I had a mixed science class in HS where I was one of two sophomores, it was a startling surprise for several of the senior girls to discover that I wasn’t one of their “peers.” Yes, I always asked upper class(women) out! Once when I was still under 21, I went to dinner with a lady in her early twenties. When they asked her ID for wine, she got very agitated with the server, who NEVER asked me for mine! I learned early to dine at better restaurants with bars rather than clubs. I was never carded, ever. Know your location, know who you are!Be blessed and keep up the stories.When are you two going to vacation in FL? We look forward to seeing you here sometime.

    Joe

    4480 Powderhorn Place Clermont, Florida 34711

    mobile: 909.241.6088

    SDG Soli Deo Gloria “To God Alone the Glory”

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Clever Girl says:

    But you do get a gold star… for effort

    Liked by 2 people

  7. nancyehead says:

    Great story! (Did you get my email?)

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Nancy Ruegg says:

    Check out that photo! Look how angelic you could pretend to be! Seriously, another great story for your collection of adventures. You surely have enough for a book, and should put the possibility on your list of potential projects.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Heidi Viars says:

    I can’t stop smiling … at 13/14 that could have easily turned into a scar(y) story 🙂 Seems like Someone kept your heart for a greater purpose down the road!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. smzang says:

    It was your intimate relationship with God that brought me to this site, but I gotta tell you,
    (and I don’t think God will mind at all, since he gave you the gift) your flair for humor
    is absolutely super. This recounting of your walk to stardom is pure treasure!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. PLEASE write a book. Seriously.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Had a good giggle. Thank you for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Abigail Eyo says:

    I woke up to reading this and it made me smile. Thank you

    Liked by 3 people

  14. Rory cooper says:

    Haven’t had a date? Hmmm I think I remember you going to Texas to visit Kathy’s cousin and you were dating Kelly at the time.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Ann Coleman says:

    I loved the photo! And enjoyed the post…. I wonder what would have happened if you’d lied about your age?

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Hilarious! [goofy grin now adorning my face]

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Pam Webb says:

    Your life experiences are continually amazing. And funny.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. toutparmoi says:

    Writing your memoirs is an excellent idea. I used to have the opposite problem – looking much younger than my years. I was always having to produce I.D, or getting disbelieving glances. (Now I wouldn’t mind having that particular problem, I don’t!)

    Liked by 1 person

  19. pkadams says:

    Gotta admire your lack of fear! 😁

    Liked by 1 person

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