Two True Parables: Part One
We didn’t look for cats. They would just show up and say, “I live here now, and you’re going to feed me.” It was a pretty sweet deal, though. They were free, they were cute, and most of them were pretty affectionate.
Except for Fat Cat. Fat Cat avoided us like the mange. But every now and then he would suddenly remember how much he loved us. It was when Mom cooked chicken for dinner.
We ate in the den because we were committed to spending quality time every evening–with the TV.
While Mom loaded our plates onto a tea cart, Dad would pull a gateleg table (made by the same people who built medieval drawbridges) out of the closet. Then he would lift the Formica flaps, activate the 416 interlocking cast iron legs, and voila: the perfect 9,000 pound eating surface from which to view Bonanza.
As soon as we sat down, Fat Cat would adopt his “I love humans sooo much!” look and jump up into Dad’s lap, where he would curl up and (seemingly) fall fast asleep. But seconds later his right front paw would begin to levitate, and as soon as it found the plate would begin fishing for fowl. Splunk. Mashed potatoes. Ew! Shake-a, shake-a. Resume reconnaissance. Then the mission would be cut short by a friendly poke from Dad’s fork. Fat Cat would jump down, deeply offended.
Then he would jump up into Mom’s lap and the ritual would begin again: Lap. Nap. Levitating paw. Fork. Squeak. This would continue until he’d been kicked off every lap in the family, even the dog’s.
After dinner, Mom would roll away the teacart while Dad began closing the 416 gated legs and lowering the drawbridge flaps.
As the only child, my job was to supervise. One particular night, while Dad was carrying the hulking table toward the closet, I spotted an aberration: four extra legs. Unlike the others, these had claws, claws that were frantically trying to help the table “walk.” As Dad passed by, I looked between the massive flaps and saw…
Fat Cat. Neatly folded into the legworks. And looking seriously miffed.
Being the deeply compassionate child I was, I instantly sprang into action, i.e. I fell on the floor laughing.
“What’s so funny?” Dad asked.
I pointed between the flaps: “He…the cat…he…hah-hah-hah-hah!”
Dad couldn’t understand me, so looked for himself. A moment later he landed on top of me, guffawing like a madman.
Mom came rushing in. “What’s going on?” Dad pointed: “He…the ca…he…hah-hah-hah-hah!”
She looked between the flaps at the irate cat slowly working his way through the legworks.
Whump! She landed on top of both of us, chortling uncontrollably.
It was the hardest my family ever laughed (our stomachs still hurt the next morning).
Fat Cat was not amused.
He did, however, graciously forgive us…
The next time Mom cooked chicken.
This story’s spiritual significance (really) is revealed in Part Two.
Mitch Teemley 
Most of my cats just showed up too, but only one has been interested in people food – most just look at our plates and say with disgust, “You eat that?”
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Really? Our current feline family member is interested in pretty much everything we eat. Mostly the meat dishes, of course, but she also loves popcorn.
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well, we have the weird California cats out here …
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One of our house cats (not to be confused with the yard cats) goes nuts over olives and olive brine. This is the same cat that ignores catnip! LOL
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Bottom line: they’re individuals!
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Great Big Grin!
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I love this story Mitch. You are so good at describing all the minor details. I bought myself a little kitten when I started my law studies in London. I was all alone in my Fulham two rooms flat. Bijou , that was his name,grew up, spoilt and very naughty. He never touched any food except his own cat food, whiskers. One day, he left me for an unknown destination. It was on the eve of my final bar exams. I was shattered. To console me. my friends said, tomcats are disloyal.
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Aww, so sorry to hear that, Anita. We mostly had tomcats when I was growing up; two disappeared, but the others stayed through thick and thin. Sometimes, sadly, they’re injured or hit by cars.
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Stolen, may be
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Yes, that too.
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Ahahahahaha!! I can just picture it!
Except the table. I need a picture of that table! 😀
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Mitch, you had me laughing the whole post through 😂
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Feline fat shaming could get you in trouble…
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Yes, I’ve been careful not to show this post to my cat.
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The cat probably doesn’t care. Cats are always miffed about something, this would not faze them. It’s the cat lovers who will take you to task.😾
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Nah, I’m a cat lover myself. And my cats, including our current feline family member, have generally been pretty unmiffed, easygoing fellows. ;>)
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Oh gosh, I have tears from laughter in my eyes just picturing it through your very good description, can’t wait for tomorrow’s post. 🙂
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Love the story, Mitch. Years ago Rocky, now in kitty heaven, learned to sit on a chair at the dining table and patiently wait for a morsel or two. Brother-in-law Fred hated cats. At a Christmas dinner the family was seated around the table and we sat Rocky next to Fred at the table. Two very ‘unhappy’ fat cats at the table. All but Fred thought it was cute.
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I’ll never get the whole “dog people” vs. “cat people” thing. I’m an animal people–period.”
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Your post makes me grateful my cat, Salem, isn’t too picky. True, he prefers expensive salmon, but his preference hasn’t changed once, and he still has plenty of love to give 🙂 Blessings to Fat Cat
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Aww, you go, Salem!
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Brilliant, made my day!!
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Thanks Angela!
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Hahaha cats! 🙂 They sure give us lots of laughs
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Love this! Much needed laugh. Thank you
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That is a GREAT story. My previous screen name was “Trickykitty555” and was inspired by our cat; how very tricky he can be…just like Fat Cat.
Great great story, Mitch. Love it. Can’t wait for the revelation!
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Thanks, Ian!
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I love your stories😀
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Thank you.
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Hilarious, loved it!
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That was certainly good for a giggle! 😍😍😍😍
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I am not really a Cat Person, however, I do like people who own and love cats. My best relationship with cats was with Ringling Bros. Baram and Bailey Circus and the Tiger of Gunther Gabe Williams. I loved the eyes knowing that I was more of a meal than a friend. The BIG cats are really much different than a cute little Tabby. Great post, Mitch and you seem to present the best,
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So descriptive and so funny…thank you, Mitch 👏🏽
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I love this story! And I think, after getting stuck in the table, the fat cat did deserve a piece of chicken.
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Mr Mitch – We do not see the humor in this story. Purrs, Snoops and Kommando Kitty
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;>P
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Love this story, can’t wait for Part Two!
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Thank you! Did you click on the link to Part Two? It’s right at the bottom of the post.
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Oh, just realized after your message that it was fully posted. I enjoyed the writing very much, the humor and the message on it. Thanks for sharing
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