Note: This is from that bastion of journalistic integrity The Weekly World News, so you know it’s gotta be true. Check and see if your boss or ex-boyfriend is still around.
Other actual newspaper headlines from the Think-Before-You-Print department:
- “New Autos to Hit Five Million”
- “Tuna Biting Off Washington Coast”
- “Child’s Stool Great for Use in Garden” (Eww, just, eww)
- “Lawyers to Offer Poor Free Advice” (Only the “free” part is new)
- “Thugs Eat, Then Rob Proprietor” (Not that he cared at that point)
Bonus: Two favorite snippets from an old Wall Street Journal:
- The Food and Drug Administration considered declaring mother’s milk unsafe. Seriously. The problem was, they couldn’t figure out where to put the label.
- The IRS office in Jackson, Mississippi, got a call from a woman inquiring, “Are birth control pills deductible?” The brilliant agent replied, “Only when they don’t work.”
I know it’s only midweek but, hey, with Satan locked up, all evil should be gone by Friday. I mean, that’s gotta be worth something. Right?