This Changes Everything!

satan-captured

Note: This is from that bastion of journalistic integrity The Weekly World News, so you know it’s gotta be true. Check and see if your boss or ex-boyfriend is still around.

Other actual newspaper headlines from the Think-Before-You-Print department:

  • “New Autos to Hit Five Million”
  • “Tuna Biting Off Washington Coast”
  • “Child’s Stool Great for Use in Garden” (Eww, just, eww)
  • “Lawyers to Offer Poor Free Advice” (Only the “free” part is new)
  • “Thugs Eat, Then Rob Proprietor” (Not that he cared at that point)

Bonus: Two favorite snippets from an old Wall Street Journal:

  • The Food and Drug Administration considered declaring mother’s milk unsafe. Seriously. The problem was, they couldn’t figure out where to put the label.
  • The IRS office in Jackson, Mississippi, got a call from a woman inquiring, “Are birth control pills deductible?” The brilliant agent replied, “Only when they don’t work.”

I know it’s only midweek but, hey, with Satan locked up, all evil should be gone by Friday. I mean, that’s gotta be worth something. Right?

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Humor, Popular Culture & Entertainment, Quips and Quotes and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to This Changes Everything!

  1. pastorpete51 says:

    This was from a long time ago. I remember standing in line at the grocery store with my wife when we saw the headline. Hmmm not much has improved since though. Maybe not true???

    Liked by 4 people

  2. revruss1220 says:

    Whew! That’s a relief. No more watching for him lurking anywhere in MY house now.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. lynnabbott says:

    Too, too funny, Mitch! 😀

    Liked by 3 people

  4. anitashope says:

    And people believe that nonsense…amazing. Thanks for the chuckle. Have a great day.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Wow … and held him in a metal tool shed … guess Metal is his kryptonite

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Liked by 4 people

  6. Sandi Staton says:

    Gotta be worth a million bucks, at least!

    Liked by 4 people

  7. smzang says:

    My oh My!
    I love it!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. What did they do with him?

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Thanks for the chuckles at the end of a hard day!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Misplaced modifiers have always, always been my favorites!!! At times, it is so difficult to concentrate during meetings here at work… Just sayin’

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Pingback: This Changes Everything! — Mitch Teemley – Kevin Parish

  12. Ann Coleman says:

    Those made me smile! Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Well; if all that acceptable, I am not going to worry about how I present the words. Isn’t there a spell checker for that?

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I reckon that gets to stay there for 1000 years. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

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