Serious Groaners

I’ve been getting way too deep lately! Figured it was time to pull out my Groaner File. These are originals, so you have only me to blame if you don’t find them pleasantly punny. (P.S. Add your own groaners in the Leave a Reply section!)presentation1

Question: What does a sadist do?148957_600

Answer: Beats me.

A. Did you know there’s a new treatment for mosquito bites?

B. Yes! I’m itching to try it! 

presentation2

Brochure seen at a plastic surgeon’s office: “Picking Your Nose.”

A.     I used to go to a masseuse. But I quit.

B.     Why?

A.     She rubbed me the wrong way.

presentation3

Banker’s Joke (warning: slightly rude) – Genesis 38:9:Whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, Onan spilled his semen on the ground. What he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD, and so He took Onan’s life.” This is the oldest known example of a …(wait for it)… “substantial penalty for early withdrawal.”

And finally:have-you-found-jesus

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Humor, Mitchellaneous, Popular Culture & Entertainment, Quips and Quotes and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Serious Groaners

  1. Forrest Pasky says:

    I particularly like that last on Mitch. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I also quit going to a masseuse. Every time I tried to get in touch he refused to return my massages.

    Liked by 6 people

  3. Oh, oh, oh this was painfully punny. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Ron says:

    Gen. 38:9, to sexualize the scripture is perverted. It is nowhere close to talking about seman. Onan was the second son of Judah. Adam was the first son , Jesus was the second son. Onan was not following the seed of one God, belief, that is why God killed him. There are only two seeds in the Word one seed of unbelief and a one seed of belief. There is a difference between being booklearned and defining words and their meanings in relationships to the scriptures.

    Like

    • mitchteemley says:

      Sorry you were offended, Ron.

      Like

      • Ron says:

        I was not offended my wife was you sexualized a scripture and that is not what it is talking about. Look at Gen. 3:15,15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. You misinterpreted the scripture . I am not offended.

        Like

      • mitchteemley says:

        Glad to hear you’re not offended. For the record, in order to misinterpret the Scripture, I would have to have interpreted it, which I didn’t. Chill, my friend.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ron says:

        I understand your position but children watch these posts and think that is what the scripture is talking sexual intercourse, which it is not. It feeds into the narrative of what is happening across America. Sex is powerful; sex has and always will take down a nation. This has been done before in history. Onan listened to his father to have sex with his brothers wife so as to continue his brothers lineage. The child would not be considered his it would be considered his brothers child. There are always two sides to the sword.

        Like

  5. gregoryjoel says:

    Definitely serious groaners. Love ’em!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Sean Nemecek says:

    I can’t remember where I heard it but “a pun isn’t mature until its full groan.”

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Now, according to my eleventh grade English teacher, Mr. Robert R. Ringer–and I quote–“The pun is the lowest form of humor.”

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thanks for today’s laugh

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Amy Aylmer says:

    The last one!!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. grAnnie Roo says:

    Have you found Jesus. Brilliant.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Thank you, Mitch. Your gift of joy is a delight to experience. It adds a smile to my face, and I think is a good remedy for wrinkles. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Mitch, all these are great. There is only one way to share our past. That is only to make it understandable in the present. We need to keep an understanding that sexuality was not invented in the last 25 years. Without the history of man, we may not understand the “present” of Man. Keep up the great work. Groans are healthy.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. For what it’s worth, you’ve correctly portrayed the Genesis 38 passage. When a married man died, it was up to his brothers to marry the widow so that she could bear children. By dumping his semen on the ground he was not fulfilling his duty. Thus God was angry. Thanks for injecting a little humor here and there.

    Liked by 1 person

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