February 2nd is Groundhog Day*, a day which reminds the world that Americans still dominate the very pinnacle of absurdity: People in the town of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania (from an old Native American word meaning “white men are weird”) wear top hats, speak an incomprehensible version of German, and watch a groundhog named Phil predict the future.
*Groundhogs call it “Humans Are Idiots Day.” (Note: Young groundhogs are called “chucklings,” presumably because this is what they do when they observe humans.)
February 2nd is also known as Fall Off the Wagon Day** because, according to the Foursquare City Guide, it is the day of the year when the largest number of people both abandon their New Years Resolutions and eat the greatest amount of junk food.
**Groundhogs call it “See, We Told You Humans Were Idiots Day.”
Finally, February 2nd is known as The Day We Moved to Cincinnati Day,*** because 14 years ago my family moved here from sunny Southern California. We were going to live in Paris, but then at the last minute we said, “Wait! Let’s go someplace romantic!” So, of course, we ended up in Cincinnati, Ohio. And we actually like it.
***Groundhogs call it “The Teemleys are Redundant Day.”
You may have seen this before: