During self-introductions a college student of mine once boasted that he’d fathered 11 children by 11 different mothers.
I normally avoid judgmental statements. Not this time. “Do you support them?” I asked.
“Uh, no!” he said with a grin.
“Then you’re not a real father. You’re a child abuser,” I replied. A period of awkward silence followed. Which normally bothers me.
Not this time.
Fatherhood is being there. With your time. With your heart. With your paycheck. When it’s convenient, and when it’s not.
To all of the real fathers out there: I celebrate you!
To all of those who are not:
Man up and get real.
One woman, 53 years, 3 children, 9 Grands, 4 Greats. It’s a wonderful life, Great Post!
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PREACH!
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Oh amen!!! Three of my nieces (two different sisters, both very young when they had these kids) had this kind of “father.” One niece is still young, but the two who are grown consider the man who actually raised and loved them to be their father. They refer to the biological specimen by his first name…
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PS – And that’s not judgmental. You’re not passing sentence, just making an observation based on factual occurrences. Sometimes the loving thing to do is tell the hard truth…
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Good for you, Mitch! God bless!
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You too, Nancy!
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Interesting. I could not agree more and that is one of the values of which my brother and I are so opposite.
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How did that ‘behavior’ become something to be proud of in certain circles of men? I’m not being racist, but the only men I’ve heard that spoken about are Black men. I have a feeling that there is a reason this became a ‘thing’. I’m happy to say that I know plenty of good Black men who are real fathers. Just thinking.
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I’ve heard it from young–and not so young–white men, as well.
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😦 There’s a disconnect somewhere.
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I am going to throw a wrench into this thinking that all men who do not support their kids are useless and need to man up !!! What if the mother does all she can to hide those kids from their biological Fathers ? Yes, this did happen and I hated every day of not seeing or being allowed to talk with my children. So women need to get real as well and stop being rude and nasty at times like this. Both my kids and I lost out on a ;life time of love from each other. Get lost Professor and grow up and man up !!!!
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I earnestly sympathize with your situation, James, and agree with your assessment (under most circumstances). But what I speak about above is not that situation; that young man KNEW where his 11 children were; he simply felt no compunction to help provide for them.
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Those types should be forced to help financially and emotionally with their children or put in jail until they are willing to
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So glad you stood up to him and told him what you did! There is a time to let things go and a time to speak up.
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Amen!!! You just said a mouthful, Mitch!
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Mitch,
You always make me proud that I follow this blog.
This post has the power to change the world.. It is
the true Power Of Story and further testament
to the value of your being.
Sarah
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Thank you, Sarah.
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Not a happy story! I know of one young woman who already having had children taken into care because of her inability to care for them deliberately setting out to find someone to father another one so that the one remaining one should not grow up alone…. Resulting in another two children having to be removed to care again because she was yet again unable to care for them because of mental health issues. So. So many broken hearts…
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An unhappy story indeed. And evidence that “to each his/her own” is not as effective a policy as it sounds.
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#micdrop 🎙⬇️
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Bravo, Mitch!
I remember when at the conclusion of a wedding the minister would say, “I now pronounce you man and wife.” Someone decided that this wasn’t right, and they now say “husband and wife.” Lately, however, I’ve thought about it and decided that I like the idea of not pronouncing a guy a “man” until he has made a lifetime commitment to a woman.
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Great point, Ann.
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This hits home with me a lot. I never met my dad until I was 8. Once I did, I wished I hadn’t. I thought I had forgiven him for my childhood mess until I had children of my own and it really struck me what he had done. Men who abandon their own blood should… I should not be the judge. But, I will say that they have no clue what they are missing. I would not abandon my children for the world and everything in it.
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Amen!
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How true! They are the real losers. 😦
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Mitch,
Hard real words. Being a father and being a dad, big difference.
Thanks,
Gary
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Amen!
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Well said, Mitch!
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Well said, indeed. Anyone can create a baby. But unless you support and love the that baby as it grows up, then you aren’t a father. Or a mother, for that matter.
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Yep.
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So glad to be married to the truly great father of my children.
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Reblogged this on Truth in Palmyra and commented:
Mitch, this was succinct and 100 percent right on. Thanks for saying this needed thing so directly.
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Thanks for the affirmation, Wally.
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Thank you for the thought, Mitch
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Thanks for your like of my post on The Childrens’ Hospital In Jerusalem; you are very kind. The story on video is very soul stirring.
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I think you did what is right. That guy needed to hear that. Badly. And you spoke truth to him like a prophet.
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That was awesome.
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Wonderful! Your students are privileged to be in your audience–whether in a class or on a blog post!
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Thank you.
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