Kids Explain the World

Drawing by Mandy, 4 and a half, attached note recorded this conversation, BETH, 3, Why are there SPIDERS, MANDY, sagely, Because in the old days they only had spiders for PETS

When my daughter Amanda was 4 1/2, she drew the above illustration of American pioneer life. Her sister Beth, age 3, asked her why the pioneer girl was crying and why there were spiders in the covered wagon. Mandy patiently explained that the pioneer girl was crying because, “In those days all they had was spiders for pets.”

Where do kids get these things?

Here are a few other real children’s explanations:

Pregnancy: “That’s what happens when you share your toothbrush. I’m never sharing my toothbrush. Ever!”

Puberty: “During puberty a boy says goodbye to his childhood and enters adultery.”

The difference between Mommies and Daddies: “Mommies don’t have a penis, they have a brain.” ~Amber, 3

The Lord’s Prayer (as reported by their Sunday School teacher):

“Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name.” (Reece, 3)

“Forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.” (Evan, 4)

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email.” (Caitlin, 3)

The 9th Commandment: “Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor’s wife.” ~Susie



The End



About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Humor, Memoir, Quips and Quotes and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

44 Responses to Kids Explain the World

  1. As a child, I thought we were singing, “Bringing in the sheeps.” And I thought, “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. He is strong but I am wee…”

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thanks for the smiles

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Kindra M. Austin says:


    Liked by 2 people

  4. When innocence is still present, as are gems for adults to treasure 😊

    Liked by 3 people

  5. We used to sing “while shepherds wash their socks by night”
    Hilarious! I can’t wait until my son starts drawing pictures.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. says:

    When our third child was born in December, our son noted that we were singing about her a lot in church. Thanks I guessed he meant because her name is Joy. He said no, recalling that there was a remnant of her cord still attached. He was talking about the hymn, with Joy full of cord.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Forrest Pasky says:

    Provided a great laugh in morning at work.
    Thanks Mitch. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  8. cat9984 says:

    I really hope Warren didn’t get marked down. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. trE says:

    Lol. Kids have such an incredible talent in humor. Lol. They outdo adults without even trying. Lol.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Roos Ruse says:

    Yes Art, kids still say the darnedest things. Another great post Mitch!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. One of my kids talked about Pontious (her sp) the Pilot.

    Liked by 4 people

  12. Elitsa says:

    Haha, great! It proves kids are wise. And although only a few of us manage to keep this wisdom, we all agree about the difference between mommies and daddies 😂

    Liked by 3 people

  13. This is hilarious. Loved the Lord’s Prayer. Thank you for the laugh!

    Liked by 3 people

  14. Niki Flow says:

    Thank you for this! I laughed out loud quite a lot. It felt great. =) ♥.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. smzang says:

    right on!!!

    big grin

    Liked by 3 people

  16. Oh my!! Hilarious!!! Thanks for sharing! 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  17. DeniseBalog says:

    Yep, laughed out loud Mitch!! Tooooo Funny!! Thanks for the joy!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. The Kids. They have always had the handle on Life.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I didn’t know that about pioneers and spiders, but makes sense – after all a pioneer doesn’t have a lot of food, while spiders will eat the flies on the horses.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Ann Coleman says:

    Those are so funny!!! (Although I admit the difference between mommies and daddies and the last one really cracked me up.) Children do put their own spin on things. I remember that I used to think Heaven was God’s wife. When we prayed about God in Heaven, I heard “God and Heaven” and just assumed they were a couple.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Jennie says:

    I love this!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. gpavants says:

    I think I will look the same 100 years from now. Kids, right?

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Such fun kids are! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  24. This is the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. uniqueclaire says:

    Indeed, kids are amazing. =)

    Liked by 1 person

  26. These are hysterical! I love how kids see the world! Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Oh man kids just say the darndest things

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Brilliant! Haha so funny!
    I need to get better at writing down things my kids say!

    Liked by 1 person

  29. MummaBug says:

    I love this! I have a five year old daughter and a six year old son (they both just had birthdays) and they come up with some doozies. Not enough parents take the time to stop and listen to their children. We wave them off instead of paying attention but my child makes me laugh a hundred times a day, and laughter is the best medicine!

    Liked by 1 person

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