My father was born 90 years ago today. He died 45 years later. Which means he’s been dead the same number of years he lived. Cold, round numbers that fail to tell who he was.
Dad impacted every aspect of my life, although I couldn’t see it at the time. I was too absorbed in myself to realize how much a part of me he was. His temper, his ambition, his eye-rolling puns. But also his passion to do right: it wasn’t until he died that I learned how many people admired him, how many he’d encouraged and treated kindly.
Every Christmas Eve we’d drop off a gift for his answering service lady on the way to our family gathering. I’d squirm impatiently as Dad held her twisted hands and chatted her up. She had advanced rheumatoid arthritis and was confined to a wheel chair. I had no idea what was wrong with her; I just knew I was uncomfortable when Dad insisted I bend down and give her a hug, which she received as though it were a bag of jewels. I’m ashamed to say I don’t remember her name. How I wish I’d treated her more kindly.
Like Dad did.
As a teenager, all I could see were his imperfections. Mark Twain said that at about the same age, “My father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around,” but years later “I was astonished at how much the old man had learned.”
It took me longer to realize your worth, Dad. I’d so love to have you and Mom here for the holidays, to reminisce with you, to tell you how grateful I am for the things you did get right. But you’re not. I had to learn who you were and how you felt by being you, that is by being a father and watching my own children learn to forgive me.
So, here goes:
I forgive you for not being perfect. Do you forgive me? Never mind. I have kids, so I already know the answer.
Merry Christmas, Dad!
Mitch Teemley 
wow, thank you for sharing this
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Merry Christmas, Lou.
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Sounds like your dad was a good, kind, and remarkable man, Mitch. And the apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree….
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You’re kind to say that, Donna. Merry Christmas!
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Wow! Parents are like enemy to us in the teens. But no one can be above then to the kids. Your feelings are so pure.
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Wow. This is really moving.
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This brought tears to my eyes, Mitch! Beautiful.
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A touching story that is so true! Thank you for sharing and bringing these feeling so alive for us.
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Fatherhood is a road map for a child’s life, often at the expense of the father’s heart. And just as you said, a father’s heart, at least the good ones, are seldom fully appreciated until age and experience show the children what it was they once had.
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Indeed. Thanks, Jeff.
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Wow…So touching, so true! Blessed, Merry Christmas!
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Thank you, Patricia. And a Merry Christmas to you too!
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Love this Having just lost my Dad last year, it brings up a lot. Thank you for sharing so eloquently.
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Thank you, Martha. And so sorry to hear about your loss.
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Moved to tears Mitch. Thanks for sharing.
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The honor’s mine, Edward.
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I am blessed beyond measure to still have my folks at 88 and 85. Thanks for this poignant reminder.
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A deeply moving, heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing.
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So glad it touched you, Vera.
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The daughter, the mother, and the grandmother that I am thanks you for this beautiful, heart-felt piece.
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Aw, thank you, Joan.
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I have kids. I understand. Fortunately my dad lived to be 89 so I had lots of time with him to appreciate his wisdom. Not so with my mom however. She died when I was 12.
Thanks for sharing your dad with us. Be blessed. God is in an amazing mood.
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Thank you for sharing a snippet about your own life, Michael. And Merry Christmas!
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So true, Mitch. So true. God bless!
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A very sweet post indeed.
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Thank you.
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It is how smart we become with time. Great post! God Bless YOU!
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You too, Mindy!
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Sob! Deeply touching. Another masterpiece, Mitch.
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Aw, thank you, Roo.
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Touching post, Mitch. Loved this.
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Thanks, dear Bill.
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Just beautiful, Mitch! Learning to forgive our parents for not being perfect, and yet doing the best they could to raise us, is such an important part of growing up. Far too many people don’t seem to be able to do that, and that can be crippling. My father is gone, and he was far from perfect, but I was truly blessed to have him in my life. And when I find myself getting impatient with my mother, I just stop and think, “and how patient do I want my kids to be with me when I’m her age?” That helps!
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Amen, Ann, it’s the truth that never skips a generation. Thanks!
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Awesome! Thanks, Mitch. This is one of the most powerful posts of the year. Seriously, thank you, thank you.
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Wow, thank you, Duane. And Merry Christmas!
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Truly touching… Thank you for sharing! Merry Christmas!
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And a very Merry Christmas to you, Crystal!
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You have a new happy follower!
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Aww, happy to hear it, Lara!
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Wow! Very well-written! I enjoyed it alot.
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Thank you, Thuam.
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Well done Mitch.
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Thank you.
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Mitch, my email address bounces back when I try to subscribe to this blog, saying email is invalid. But it is valid. I prefer to follow your blog by email rather than Reader and this is a new problem for me. Any suggestions? Bette Cox
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Bette, I wish I knew what to tell you. First time someone’s mentioned getting an invalid email message (I prefer to do WordPress follows myself, so my email inbox won’t get overcrowded). Have you tried googling something like “wordpress email invalid message”?
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I didn’t try that, Mitch, but I did find an alternate method – I used your URL as an RSS feed for my igHome home page. I have RSS feeds there from several dozen sites around the world, mostly news headlines but also several blogs. That should work well for me. However, since this problem is so weird, I’m also going to keep looking for an answer. Blessings, Bette
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Glad you found a work-around, Bette. And blessings upon you, too!
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As a father of a 9-year-old, I found this post comforting. Thank you.
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Ah, the circle of life.
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