Bears!

Yo

When I think of summer, I think of bears. Nearly every summer when I was a kid we’d visit Sequoia National Park, and every visit had its bear absurdities:

Like the bear that broke into a nearby camper’s Volkswagen and sat on the emergency brake. The man heard the racket and peered out of his tent just in time to see the bear “driving” his car downhill into a redwood grove. The bear survived. The bug didn’t. 

Or the morning we woke to the sound of the blusterous old lady in the cabin next to us, shrieking, “Bad bear! No!” A huge black bear had decided to shop for groceries in her cooler, so naturally she’d felt the need to discipline him. We came out to see her fearlessly (and stupidly) whacking him on the bum with her broom. The bear continued to fish for goodies with Curiousone paw while nonchalantly swatting at her with the other. He finally galumphed away with a tender salmon in his mouth, opting not to eat the much tougher old lady.

Years later, my college buddy Jay and I drove to Sequoia at the start of the summer. We arrived in the wee hours and threw down our sleeping bags in the first cushy meadow we could find. I disappeared into slumberland, but Jay sat for awhile, eating Lay’s potato chips and communing with nature. Around dawn, I awoke to a low grunting sound, and told Jay to shut up. The grunting continued. I opened my eyes and saw a large bear snarfing potato chips from the Jay’s Lays buffet, i.e. the chips scattered across Jay’s sleeping body! I watched in frozen silence. The bear finally left with the bag in his mouth (chip bag, not sleeping bag). To this day, Jay thinks I ate his chips and made up the story. 

Bears can be…

AdorableAdorable - hello world“Hellow, world!”

AmorousAmorous“Not in public, Larry.”

CoolCool -She's all whoa, and I'm all how you like me now“She’s all ‘Whoa!’ and I’m all ‘How you like me now?'”

DangerousDangerous - look, 2 dinnersMan: “Look, dinner!  Bear: “Look, two dinners!”

DeviousDevious“I’m not the droid you’re looking for.”

NostalgicNostalgic - if ya want it, baby, ya got it, just bust a move“If ya want it, baby, ya got it. Just bust a move!”

ParentalParental - Don't leave the lid up, Mom hates that“Don’t leave the lid up. Mom hates that.”

EmbarrassedEmbarassed - Oh, crap,someone's watching“This never happens, really. I just slipped on the…oh, never mind.”

Come to think of it, bears are a lot like humans. 

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in Culture. Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to Bears!

  1. I enjoyed your post. Thanks for the humor. Have a great weekend!~DM

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Gwynette Waters says:

    HA! I can’t stop cracking up over,“Bad bear! No!” If only those simply words of admonishment could rectify a multitude of this world’s problems, we’d be just fine.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. atimetoshare.me says:

    Funny stuff, Mitch! Happy weekend

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Ron Whited says:

    Love it Mitch!!! Happy 4th!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. smzang says:

    Lots of good giggles here!
    Much enjoyed.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Mitch, because your posts always make me smile and inspire me, I’d like to nominate you for the Sunshine Bloggers Award. If you accept, please follow the instructions at https://reclaiminghopeblog.wordpress.com/2017/06/30/sunshine-blogger-award/

    Liked by 3 people

  7. ekurie says:

    They really are a lot like us, better in some ways. I wish we would stop hunting and displacing them!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Roos Ruse says:

    ROFLOL. I can’t bear another! Schorry Mitch. I had to…

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Audrey says:

    Love it! Reminds me of my trip to Yosemite where we stayed at the Curry Village 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I have never encountered a wild bear, my ancestors having exterminated all of them many centuries ago, but I do like to call my husband my big bear! He can certainly be grumpy and single-minded in his pursuit of food, so it is an apt nickname 😜

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Cristina says:

    I needed a good hearty laugh!! Thank you 🤣

    Liked by 2 people

  12. I love your simple, to the point everyday humor. One of the people who commentated said it perfectly – you made me smile. Thanks for a smile, and take care.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Sue in Aqaba says:

    Great captions!! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Nancy Ruegg says:

    It’s too bad bears are so ferocious. They sure are cute–especially when you put words in their mouths, Mitch!

    Liked by 2 people

  15. This is a great post and full of humor all around. “Bad bear!” truly made me laugh out loud.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. DeniseBalog says:

    All of the above Mitch! My friend, visiting her son in the Mountains of Red River, New Mexico, sent me a text and photo this very morning of a large brown bear outside their wooded home! Seems her son enjoys “smokin’ bacon” in the morning, and judging from the bear with his sights set on the direction of a making a “bee-line” to the front porch, so does the bear! I know, I know, “like a bee and honey” or is that, “like a bear and honey”? Gosh Mitch, now you have me doing it too!! Ha,Ha!! Happy Fourth of July weekend!!! blessings, denise

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Lucie says:

    Great post, Mitch! Funny, well-written…loved the photo’s! Totally enjoyable…. ;>)

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Jennie says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed this. You always put a smile on my face and make me laugh. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Can I just say….I love your accent! There are some people (like my Scottish uncle) whose way of talking is so refreshing that it doesn’t really matter what they are talking about…you just want to listen. I really enjoy the topics that you cover, but more than that, reading your posts feels like sitting down with a nice cup of coffee by a crackling fire. Thanks for sharing your gift with us!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. gpavants says:

    Hi Mitch,

    Bears are my favorite. Too human at times, right. Enjoy your Bear free summer.

    Thanks, Gary

    Liked by 1 person

  21. HA HA HA! That bag of chips though! HA HA HA! 😀 Love this!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. jrusoloward says:

    Lol! I would appreciate it if they would be less messy when they raid my garbage, and stop doing their business in random spots on my lawn – pick one spot so there are no surprises!

    Liked by 1 person

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