“You know what They say…” I’ve heard all my life,
and I’ve often wondered just who They is,
to know so little and stir up such strife.
Without They the world would be in such bliss.
Then it happened one day as I travelled up north
that I stumbled upon a town called Rumor.
It seems I’d gotten completely off course
and by now was lacking my usual humor.
While there, I stopped at the Whispering Inn
and met a guileless waitress named Evy.
Not Evie, mind you, like Adam’s girlfriend,
but ev as in never and lever and heavy.
I learned as she chattered and slid me a beer
that her name was somebody-something-or-other.
I think she said, “Evelyn Thingyahear,”
but I couldn’t be sure, so I ordered another.
Evy told me that every passerby
had something important to reveal.
“I learn so much, oh, my, oh, my!”
she said with gullible gleeful zeal.
“And of course, I just have to communicate
such terribly, horribly meaningful facts!
Do you have something to tell me today?”
“Yes, I do,” I said, now I can’t take it back.
Then I told her the earth was made of soap,
scientists now were completely sure.
And she clapped and said that it filled her with hope
to learn that the world was perfectly pure.
As I left, the barkeeper beckoned me near
and whispered (so that’s why it’s called Whispering Inn),
“Hey, don’t believe Evy Thingyahear,
better find out where those facts have been.”
That night on the news: “They say Earth’s Made of Soap!”
At once I was finally able to see.
How could I ever have been such a dope?
I finally knew–yes, it’s true–
They is me!