Surprisingly, this has nothing to do with the Trump administration. It’s from that bastion of journalistic integrity The Weekly World News. Check and see if your boss or ex-boyfriend is still around on Monday.
Other actual newspaper headlines from the Think-Before-You-Print department:
- “New Autos to Hit Five Million”
- “Tuna Biting Off Washington Coast”
- “Child’s Stool Great for Use in Garden” (Eww, just, eww)
- “Lawyers to Offer Poor Free Advice” (Only the “free” part is new)
- “Thugs Eat, Then Rob Proprietor” (Not that he cared at that point)
Two favorite snippets from an old Wall Street Journal:
- The Food and Drug Administration considered declaring mother’s milk unsafe. Seriously. The problem was, they couldn’t figure out where to put the label.
- The IRS office in Jackson, Mississippi, got a call from a woman inquiring, “Are birth control pills deductible?” The helpful agent replied, “Only when they don’t work.”
Ah, humans. Have a great weekend, but watch out for those new autos and tuna fish!