This Changes Everything!

satan-captured

Surprisingly, this has nothing to do with the Trump administration. It’s from that bastion of journalistic integrity The Weekly World News. Check and see if your boss or ex-boyfriend is still around on Monday.

Other actual newspaper headlines from the Think-Before-You-Print department:

  • “New Autos to Hit Five Million”
  • “Tuna Biting Off Washington Coast”
  • “Child’s Stool Great for Use in Garden” (Eww, just, eww)
  • “Lawyers to Offer Poor Free Advice” (Only the “free” part is new)
  • “Thugs Eat, Then Rob Proprietor” (Not that he cared at that point)

Two favorite snippets from an old Wall Street Journal:

  • The Food and Drug Administration considered declaring mother’s milk unsafe. Seriously. The problem was, they couldn’t figure out where to put the label.
  • The IRS office in Jackson, Mississippi, got a call from a woman inquiring, “Are birth control pills deductible?” The helpful agent replied, “Only when they don’t work.”

Ah, humans. Have a great weekend, but watch out for those new autos and tuna fish!

About mitchteemley

Writer, Filmmaker, Humorist, Thinker-about-stuffer
This entry was posted in For Pastors and Teachers, Humor, Mitchellaneous, Popular Culture & Entertainment, Quips and Quotes and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to This Changes Everything!

  1. Love the two snippets😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Will Marler says:

    Great way to start a Saturday morning. Love it!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I needed this chuckle today. It’s been a challenging week.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ha! Thanks for the chuckle. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. mwilhelmblog says:

    This reminds me of The Twilight Zone episode The Howling Man; A traveler seeking refuge from a storm, comes upon a bizarre abbey of monks, who have imprisoned a man who begs for his help. When he confronts the head monk, he is told that the man is the Devil,
    Have you ever read the original short story? It’s pretty eerie.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. smzang says:

    Fabulous. I am laughing without a care. Wonderful finds.
    I must share one that was on Frontier’s homepage on June 14, 2011.
    It was written about Michelle’s attire, but that is not entirely clear, I think:

    “On Friday, Obama left for Camp David with the president wearing a blue-patterned dress from the Gap. We tracked the garment down online, and it’s actually still available and on sale.”

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Haha! These are great!
    I remember a college paper (a few years ago 😉) with a headline, “Gorillas Kidnapping, Indoctrinating Young Boys”
    They meant guerillas, but gosh, how I wanted it to be the apes!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Paula says:

    As a former newspaper journalist and editor, I can attest to the fact that headline writing is a skill and an art. My first experience with a ‘paper’ was a local shopper and, oh, how I wanted to copy edit. **cringe** Can you say “misplaced modifiers”? Thanks again for the humor, Mitch.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. They can’t have Satan in that shed because I keep Satan in my back pocket for those really snarky days – so I can have an excuse for acting Devilishly! 😇 Or is it just me? My weird humor, Steve

    Liked by 1 person

  10. gpavants says:

    Hi Mitch,

    It’s a weird and wacky world. Laugh and pray. That is what it makes me do. (Laugh again. That’s healthy, right?)

    Thanks,

    Gary

    Liked by 1 person

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