It’s time to break up with our service provider again. So hard. Guess I’ll use my usual line, “It’s not you, it’s me…”
TSP (Television Service Provider): How may I help you?
Me: I’d like to cancel my TV service.
TSP: Are you breaking up with us?
Me: Excuse me?
TSP: May I ask why you’ve decided to discontinue your service?
Me: Well, I had an offer from a competitor that–
Me: I beg your pardon?
TSP: We would like the opportunity to prove we are the superior provider, sir.
Me: But I’ve already–
TSP: We can do things that bitch would never dream of.
Me: I’m sorry?
TSP: If you re-subscribe today, we will promise to beat our competitor’s rates.
Me: Well, you see, they’ve already installed their system, so–
TSP: If you’d notified us in advance, sir, we would have done everything necessary to retain your loyalty.
Me: Yeah, well, sorry, but it’s kind of a done deal.
TSP: Do you know how lucky…
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